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Joyful Dispassion - Update

5/1/2021

Well, things are never as simple as they should be. There's a truth that if you use an affirmation that at least part of you can't say "yes" to, you end up confirming the very thing you are working against.

And I found that when I affirmed that others will value my work and that books will sell and I will do life coaching, that even after being aware that I used to have that belief in the value of my work and in others finding it of value, and experience of that, the statement of that agent and my experience ever since has created a wall, a barrier, to rediscovering that faith.

So I asked myself, how do I reclaim that faith. One answer I thought of was to surround myself with the past evidence of people finding value in my work. The other was the "Nothing" song from Chorus Line where she sings that her teacher, the one saying negative things about her, was nothing.

And so I did that. One piece of evidence was especially moving and I sobbed uncontrollably for a few minutes.

But as cathartic as that was, and a reaffirmation, it didn't really work. Also, I thought, what do people do who have not had such evidence of other people valuing their work?

I decided that I needed to give it more time. It will take repeated acts of imagining my books selling, and people contacting me for life coaching, to breach the barrier that has been erected.

Several weeks have passed now and I find that I feel 100% comfortable now with my manifestations. It just needed time and perseverance to replace the negative beliefs that had become so powerful with my positive faith in the value of my work and that it will be valued by others.

Manifesting in the Moment

4/25/2021

Manifesting is about creating a different life, a different reality for yourself in the future. This process does also have value in the moment because by giving you positive energy now towards whatever the project or issue is, it improves the quality of your time now, in the moment.

But when I meditated the other morning and said my mantra, "There is only the present moment, all else is thought," I realized that one should also manifest the moment.

How so, the reader might ask. The moment is what it is; how can you manifest it? Yes, things are the way they are because it's just the way it is, but how you relate to the present moment is not a given. That is under your control.

Just like manifesting in the traditional sense is changing how you approach your desires, the kind of energy you bring to them, realizing the things within you that hinder the realization of these desires, manifesting in the moment is changing how you view the moment.

Typically, when we talk about changing how we relate to the present moment, it's all about acceptance, having faith that it's all ok, that it will work itself out. This is a critical aspect of our practice to end our suffering.

But what if you took your present circumstance, whatever it is, and were able to find in it the very things that you are trying to manifest in the future, not the specifics but the same type of value. For example, let's say you are manifesting abundance, specifically enough money so that you have no wants, that you can do what you want

At the moment, that specific is definitely not the case. But if you look at the moment, you will find abundance in other forms and you will see that you, your true self as opposed to your mind, is free of wants.

Even if you are in the most destitute of situations, if you look at your life with dispassion, you will be able to find many things, whether in your present or past, which provide you with the same feelings you are trying to manifest. And if you find that feeling in the present, you will be at peace.

If you learn to relate to the present in this fashion, what you will attain is far more than acceptance, it is gratefulness and joy. And that in turn will lessen the danger of your becoming attached to the things you are manifesting for the future. You will have achieved a sound basis for saying, "If it happens, great; if it doesn't happen, that's ok too."

Joyful Dispassion - Excited Non-attachment

4/11/2021

These two oxymoron's may seem to make no sense, to be internally inconsistent. And yet they are at the heart of living a fully human, spiritual life.

For much of my practice, the emphasis has been, had to be, to learn to see things as being just the way they are, that it's all ok, that I will be ok regardless what life throws my way because I have returned home and will always return home to my true Buddha nature. To view myself and the world around me directly, with dispassion, free of labels, free of the intervention of my ego-mind. It has been about gaining the wisdom of acceptance. For there is no ending of suffering without acceptance.

I have achieved that state and it has been a source of peace to me and great comfort. I have also learned to take joy in each passing moment regardless what is happening, by being aware of the light, nature, all that I am grateful for, the gift of being alive.

But I have been aware that although I feel very strongly about the work that I do, I do not experience joy in it. And last night when I was reading a book titled The Map about manifesting, I realized why. Because something inside me said that my work was not going to amount to anything in that my books wouldn't sell, my life coaching business would to take off, etc,; I would not make any money because I was no one, I had no name recognition.

I also realized that I feared that if I did put emotional energy into my work that I would become attached to it and I would once again be subject to the disappointment and frustration that is part of our samsara. I would no longer to able to view my work with dispassion; to say, "If it happens, great; if it doesn't, that's ok too." I believed those oxymorons were inherently inconsistent.

These two things worked in combination to hold me back and deprive me of taking joy in what I do, in what is important to me, each day. In meditating one recent morning, I was aware that there was a time when I took great joy in what I did, that I believed not only that it had value but that people would find value in it. And so I pursued and achieved goals that most people said were unrealistic.

But one day I sent my first book to an agent, who was the agent of a well-respected NPR personality with whom I had a mutual friend. That agent told me, after reading my book, that no one would be interested in what I had to say because I was no one, I had no name.

I was devastated, but I persevered. I sent the book to a well-respected journalist, a cold call, who gave me a strong endorsement. And so I continued to pursue my dream, but nothing came of it.

And so it has been with everything I've done since then. What that agent said to me turned out to be my experience. Why this difference from my former life and efforts? According to The Map the reason is that I absorbed that negativity and it became one of my false core beliefs. Somehow this pronouncement by a total stranger, but someone with authority, was enough to change how I viewed myself and my prospects. I did all the right things to have success, I went through all the motions, but the inner conviction, the faith, was no longer there. That was the energy I was sending out to the universe, and that was what I received in return.

And so today I have started a new day, fresh. I have started affirmations regarding my belief in my projects succeeding, being valued by others. I am endowing my efforts with excitement; I can feel the books selling, the requests for life coaching coming in, and my financial situation being restored.

But back to the title of this post. While I am investing this kind of energy in my work again, I remain not attached; I can honestly say, if it works, great; if it doesn't, that's ok too. I have faith in my work, but I also view it's success with dispassion.

But beware: it would be very easy to slip into being attached. Your non-attachment and acceptance must be firmly rooted.

We'll see how things progress. But I feel like I've turned another spiritual corner. How can I truly offer myself joy if I don't take joy in the work that I do, just in what surrounds me and the things I am grateful for. This is so important, as my purpose in life is to offer myself, as well as others, joy. I intend to reclaim the joy and positive energy that was in me, despite all my turmoil, for most of my life until those words of dismissal were spoken to me.

The Serenity Prayer

4/3/2021

In the simple serenity prayer, composed most likely by Reinhold Niebuhr in the late 30s - early 40s, we find the essence to a spiritual approach to life: "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

To insure that there is no misunderstanding of what falls in each category, I have expanded on the prayer: Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change - which is the way my life is right now at this moment; the courage to change the things I can - which is how I relate to myself and others, the thoughts I think, the words I speak, and the actions I take; and the wisdom to know the difference.

As the Buddha taught when he first turned the wheel of the dharma, the cause of our suffering is our cravings. And cravings are a result of our not accepting things as they are. They seek to change our life, whether regarding personal maters, finance, status, whatever.

Now there is nothing wrong or unspiritual about wanting to change your life in ways that do no harm to others. But when that desire is based on a lack of acceptance, which is often quite adamant, for the way things are now, that desire becomes a craving. We become attached to it. We certainly do not approach it with equanimity. And thus we suffer.

Whereas if we work to change things in our life while accepting things are the way they are because it's just the way it is, we approach that work with equanimity, with non-attachment. If it happens, great; if it doesn't happen, that's ok too.

The other aspect of the serenity prayer gets to the point that for the most part we have no control whatsoever over whether what we strive for will happen; it usually depends on the actions of others or it may just be an impossible fantasy. We don't understand the distinction between what we have control over and what we don't. And so we suffer.

What we do have control over is how we approach life, how we live life. We thus have the power to create our own reality, which is a reality free of emotion in which we know we will be ok, safe spiritually, regardless what life throws our way because we have returned home, and will always return home, to our true Buddha self and so be at peace and happy. We have the power to create nirvana for ourselves (see my posts, "Nirvana - It's Right Before Your Eyes," and "You Can Be in Control").

The reality which we typically experience, however, has been created unconsciously by our ego-mind and its emotions, judgments, cravings, and attachments. And so we live in a state of endless frustration and samsara.

The "trick" with the serenity prayer, or indeed with any efforts to make real progress on the spiritual path - like following the Noble Eightfold Path, is that until one frees oneself, or at least begins to free oneself, from the control of your ego-mind, it will not allow you to do Right anything or accept anything.

Thus, if you want to end your suffering, the focus of your spiritual work should be on freeing yourself from the control of your ego-mind. That is what will open up dharma gates for you. While freeing yourself from the control of the ego-mind is no easy matter, the path to do that is clear (see my post, "How to Free Yourself from the Control of Your Ego-Mind").

May you experience peace and happiness.

What If the Present is Bad?

3/28/2021

In Buddhism, one of the intents is to be present in the moment, because the present is the only reality. All else is thought. All else is memory or conjecture.

Being present is absolutely central to experiencing peace and happiness. Because then we are free of the endless "what ifs" that our ego-mind throws at us. Free of our cravings and attachments. Releasing all desire for our life to be different in any way from the way it is right now at this moment. Just being and experiencing the fullness of the moment.

But what if the present moment is a bad experience, even let's say, really bad. If that is your reality in the moment, how do you get past that experience, especially when the bad moment is likely to last for several moments, if not hours or days?

There are several levels of answer to this question. The first is that an experience usually happens in an instant. If the bad moment lasts for hours or days, it is because we hold on to the bad experience, we play it over and over again in our mind. We cannot let it go. This is self-torture.

We do this because we react to the experience with our emotions, especially with our core emotion of insecurity. To get out of this trap, your intent should therefore be to experience life with dispassion, free of emotion. If you experience something that is bad with dispassion, you will register what happened and then move on.

Of course, most people do not view life or their experiences with dispassion. This is not how we are raised.

To experience things with dispassion, you must practice The Heart's Embrace (see my post of that title). When you open your heart to embrace all aspects of your being and experience - past, present, and future - nothing offends. And so all internal and external struggle ceases, you know you have everything you need inside yourself to be at peace and happy, and you will allow nothing to disturb that peace and happiness.

When you are in that psychic space, you will be free of mental obstructions, which will give you the ability to experience things directly, with dispassion, free of labels, free of the intervention of the ego-mind, knowing that things are they way they are because it's just the way it is. It's all ok. And so your mind will rest undisturbed.

OK, you say. Let's say I'm able to view this bad experience with dispassion, but what do I do with that in the moment? You'll be amazed to discover that if you are really able to be present, view the experience with dispassion, and not project it's continuation or impact on the future, everything becomes manageable.

But beyond the moment being manageable, life, certainly life as a Buddhist, is not about experiencing manageability. It is about experiencing peace and happiness every moment. How do we do that in this situation?

We do that by being aware of and following through with our purpose in life, which is to offer ourselves and others joy. Yes, offering yourself joy is your purpose in life. I'm not joking. (See my post, "Offer Myself Joy!")

And you offer yourself joy by taking joy in each passing moment, regardless what is happening. Being in touch with the positive energy in your heart. Releasing all desire that your life be different in any way from the way it is at the moment. Being aware of all you are grateful for. Having compassion for yourself and loving yourself unconditionally.

These are all things that you do, actions you take, for yourself. It is not something you receive; it is proactive behavior.

Granted, this state is only possible if you have freed yourself, or are on the path to freeing yourself, from the control of your ego mind. Clearly, not an easy matter, but one of the main intents of Buddhist practice. (See my post, "How to Free Yourself from the Control of Your Ego-Mind. ")

The other thing central to taking joy in each moment, regardless what is going on, is to remember that all things are impermanent. Usually we tend to think of good things, things we like, as being impermanent and we fear the loss. But things that are difficult for us or harmful are also impermanent. One never knows what the future will bring in that sense.

As a result of having done The Heart's Embrace and so nothing offends, and you know you have everything you need inside yourself to be at peace and happy, you find faith that regardless what life throws at you, you will always be ok, safe spiritually, because you have returned home and will always return home to your true Buddha nature. And just as you are safe spiritually now in the face of whatever problem you are facing, you have faith that you will always be ok, you will always be at peace regardless.

With that faith, you've reached the final aspect of offering yourself joy, of taking joy in each moment: manifesting a state where you are at peace and happy regardless what is going one around you or to you. A state where you are free, spiritually, regardless what your physical or material status is.

This is the top of the pyramid of manifesting, the holy grail, in that it is the most basic, the most fundamental aspect to everything else you might manifest or that you have desired. For it's always at its core about being at peace and happy. It's just that our ego-mind has a very different picture of what we need to be in that state. Once you are free of its control, you view yourself and the world differently and know that you need nothing external to be at peace and happy. It all comes from within, from you heart, from your true Buddha nature.

Rejoice and Be Happy

3/11/2021

I recently watched a spiritual video on YouTube that was all about rejoicing, praising the Lord, being grateful for being alive and all the good things in your life, past, present, or future. The video was by a charismatic Christian and I was originally put off by the display; it was over the top. I couldn't relate to it. But after listening to Sister Sharon (Firm Foundation Radio Ministry) for a while, I realized that she was expressing her true faith, her connection with God. She had incredible energy and it was wonderful to be in her presence.

There has been nothing in my practice that even approximates the energy that she had. And I realized something. To successfully counter the influence of the ego-mind and all the emotions we have in response to the things we experience consistently, it would be extremely helpful to have that energy, that joy as part of our being, our spiritual life.

I certainly couldn't see myself doing what she did. But I tried reaching back into my background to find something that had a similar energy, in a prayer-like setting, that I would therefore be able to do and feel natural doing it.

In one of my meditation images, I visualize me joining hands with my true Buddha self (the toddler) and my unborn Buddha mind on the "other shore" and dancing a joyful Jewish dance I learned as a child/adolescent. As I was searching for something in my past, that experience came to mind, and specifically one song we would sing as we danced the Hora - Hava Nagila. It certainly had the right energy, And when I looked up the lyrics, found that they translated as (which I never knew), "Rejoice and be happy, sing and be happy, awake my brothers and be happy." I couldn't have found anything more appropriate.

And so now, at the end of my morning meditation, before I get off my cushion, I sing Hava Nagila. What a wonderful way to start my day. And come back to it throughout the day. I also have connected with Sister Sharon's energy numerous times. A real blessing.

When you are in this space, you are able to experience the benefits of faith being one with mind and mind being one with faith. Here there is no yesterday, no tomorrow, no today, there is only the present moment. This is the only reality; all else is thought.

And when you are in this space, there isn't a felt need to manifest anything because you are filled with joy and gratitude and faith. But it you do manifest, it will be coming from a pure place; your heart not your ego-mind.

Actually, one morning recently when I woke up, the words of Hava Nagila instantly came to mind, and I couldn't believe what popped out of my mouth next, "I manifest abundance and know that I will want for nothing." It felt totally natural coming from within me. And as a manifest should be, it was totally undefined, unspecific. What that abundance will entail, how it will come about, what "I will want for nothing" means - it could mean that I have so much money that I can have anything I want or it could just as well mean that I will be in a spiritual place where my wants are modest or nonexistent.

And this manifest, as compared to other manifests, did not provoke any push back from my ego-mind, at least not initially. It did later in the day, questioning how I could achieve abundance financially given my circumstances. It took me out of my energized space and slapped me down. Only the next morning when I meditated was I aware of what had happened and said "no" to my ego mind and returned to my heart, my faith, and to Sister Sharon's energy.

No spiritual solution is ever a done deal. We always need to re-ground ourselves. We need to be ever vigilant and say "no" to our ego-mind when it tries to pull us away from our peace.

My True Buddha Self and Me

2/28/2021

One of the fears that we all have is being alone —especially in a permanent existential sense. So for example, we worry that if our loved one dies, and we have no close family, that we will be alone, not just in the sense of not having someone to offer support, especially in old age, but not having anyone to talk to, to share one's feelings with.

When I was at Shambhala once, someone asked the teacher what to do when everything falls apart. The teacher said that your self, your true Buddha self, will speak to you and say, "You are not alone. I am here to help you. "

Since I do believe that I have a true Buddha self within me, I thought recently why not establish a relationship with my self? Why wait for disaster to strike? Why wait till you want guidance from your true self?

In your self, you truly have a friend. And a friend who will always be there. I never had an imaginary friend as a child, as so many children seem to do. Despite the fact that I was desperately in need of friends, that I was aware that I was not liked by many, I guess I did not even have the imagination that some imaginary person could be my constant companion and friend. Or perhaps I was just lacking in imagination, which I think was more the case.

But that is the past. Although today I feel that I still have little imagination in that sense. So this will be a real challenge, to create a relationship between my true Buddha self (the avatar of which is me as a toddler) and me.

Interestingly, this is related to one of the thoughts I had when I rewrote my childhood narrative. In that narrative I created an imaginary friend to keep me company and play when I was left alone at night.

How do I create a relationship with my true Buddha self? A relationship means that you experience and share things with each other. And so I have started speaking to my true Buddha self, sharing my observations, whether of nature, people, whatever, and my feelings with him.

And what I am finding is that because I am talking to a young child, a toddler, my communication is filled with the joy and wonder and energy that you would communicate when talking to a child; very different from talking to an adult. And so I am in effect experiencing things now through the eyes of that innocent child.

In so doing, I am lifting myself from the mundane, burdened plane through which we typically experience everyday life and instead am seeing things through the eyes, the plane of my Buddha self, my divine essence. This is truly offering myself joy, experiencing joy.

At some point, my true Buddha self will share its observations and thoughts with me. Although the possibility is strong that he already does this, but I am not aware that he is the source of my own observations. Indeed, if these observations come from my heart and not my ego-mind, then they would be coming from him.

In that event, a major part of the relationship already exists. What it remains for me to do is communicate regularly with my true Buddha self. Make him a presence by my side at all times. That is my intent. I will manifest the presence of my true Buddha self at my side at all times.

Reclaiming the Narrative of My Life - II

2/20/2021

In my early childhood, by all accounts - photos, other's contemporaneous statements, and my scant actual memory - I experienced joy on a consistent basis, whether it was being with family or exploring new things. But for a variety of reasons, after around age 7, the joy of my childhood ceased and from that point on I experienced life as an adult.

Several years ago, I realized that my "memory" of those years was not accurate. That my ego-mind had created a narrative that was much worse than the reality. And so I reclaimed the story of my life. See my post, "Reclaiming the Story of Your Life."

Recently, after a visit to a spirit guide, I reflected on my childhood and realized some truths that I had not realized before and now at her urging I am truly reclaiming my narrative by rewriting it, not just making it more factually accurate.

What caused me to loose that joy was not some disappointment about myself, it was my interactions, and also the lack thereof, with others. And it all happened around the age of 7 - 9. Here is the narrative I have lived with all these years.

My father would get very upset, literally red in the face, because I was a poor eater. He would send me up to my room with some frequency. At the time, I felt rejected and became nervous to eat with him. He said I wasn't normal and sent me to the family doctor who responded that I was a very normal child, actually a good eater for a child, but that didn't satisfy my father.

My mother and grandmother went to play cards once a week at night at friends', getting home around midnight. I would be left alone; my brother had graduated and was in the Navy. At the time, I was scared and feared being abandoned.

Several neighborhood rough boys grabbed me, took me to a field, stripped me, held me down, and peed on me. I knew i was different, I wasn't a rough and tumble all-American boy. At the time, I was filled with shame, devastated, I never told my mother or another soul what had happened, and had to face the fact that there were people out there who truly did not like me.

The result of all of those things happening around the same time was that I decided that I needed to excel in everything I did in order to gain people's respect. That that was how I was going to gain social desirability from peers and love from my parents. Everything that I loved in life . . . music, learning . . . became a tool and so I stopped receiving any joy from those things. I no longer experienced those things with a child's innocence and wonder.

How to rewrite this narrative and reclaim that early joy? The point here is that deep down I never felt there was anything wrong with me. I was happy with who i was. it was the reactions of others who drove all the joy out of me. It was my ego-mind that decided that, in agreement with my father and peers, that there was something wrong with me.

What was my destiny; what is my destiny? In looking at my childhood photos (consistently smiling with truly joyous expressions; taking joy in everything) I think my destiny was and is simply to be a good human being. To love life and to experience and give joy and love to someone, and to myself.

That is not my need because of an unhappy childhood, that is my destiny because of the child I was born. Just like my seriousness is part of my being a Capricorn, it's part of my birthright, it is part of who i am, my joy is part of my being a human being. That is central to my true Buddha nature, my divine essence.

When I started this process, I thought that the new, reclaimed narrative would have me have more friends, be popular, play sports, maybe have a sibling closer to my age. But none of that is part of my new story

My rewritten story is that I had the presence and the training to not care what others thought of me. That my parents supported me in my difference, not just when I came out to them in later life, which they did, but in my childhood. That I knew that I had everything inside myself to be at peace and happy. And that I knew i would be ok, safe, regardless what life threw my way because I would always return home to my heart, my true self, and so be at peace and happy. And so while the things I experienced are unchanged, my reaction, my response to them is very different.

Here is my re-written story:

I was born into a loving family - parents and an older brother. And close family friends added to the loving circle around me, Charlotte and Aunt Lisa. I didn't have friends my own age in the neighborhood, but I know from pictures that my parents went sledding and ice skating with me, and in the summer we would go swimming at Green Lane. I was a happy child, full of joy, for no particular reason other than the joy of being and experiencing. My father wrote that I was his ray of sunshine.

We moved to Reading when i was 4 and the cast of characters changed somewhat, my mother's friend Hilda became a constant presence, but the basic family relationship continued. The one change is that my father wasn't around much, having started a new business and working morning to night, 7 days a week. I barely saw him.

When I was six, my parents bought me an old upright piano and i started taking lessons. I loved playing the piano and would come downstairs before breakfast to play some notes. I also started school and loved my 1st and 2nd grade teacher, Ms. Paul, who was nurturing. I remember one open house she had gotten an old wooden churner and we churned our own butter from cream; it was delicious. I remember the joy I felt. I took a potted plant to her home for Easter.

There was also joy exploring the creek in the old estate down on the corner, overturning rocks, looking for crayfish. Adventure was there and in the woods close to our home.

The above paragraphs reflect my childhood as it really was. Here there was nothing to reinvent, just rediscovering what was.

It is the next section of my rewritten story, what happened to me at age 7-9 and afterwards, that gets reimagined. I have enough sense of self as a child and knew I was loved so that these experiences didn't upset me, my reaction and response to them were different. For example, when my father would get upset with me and send me to my room, I knew my father grew up in WWI Germany and was very sensitive to food scarcity. And he wanted me to be normal for my benefit. It didn't mean he didn't love me.

My mother somehow had no clue that you don't leave a 9-year old alone at night, in her mind she wasn't neglecting me. But instead of giving in to being scared, I made a game of it, invented a friend to share the time with, and relished being alone.

When I got home from being abused by the boys, I now told my mother, who was infuriated. She told me never to be ashamed of who I was, regardless how some people acted towards me. That I was loved and valued and had so much to offer. That i didn't need to be liked by anyone to be happy. That there would always be those who didn't like me, but that was their problem, not mine. These boys were sick.

And so I reacted to these events with an, it's just the way it is, attitude and felt it's all ok, i'll be safe regardless. I continued going about my childhood life doing the things I enjoyed . . . music, learning, exploring, being in nature . . . and taking joy in the wonder of these things. I had my few friends who I spent a lot of time with. I didn't try to be someone other than I was.

Because I was bright and my parents encouraged me, I did very well at school. But I was aware that the other children were competitive and sensitive to their abilities or lack thereof, so I never used my knowledge as a weapon. I consciously didn't shine and wasn't prideful. (Definitely not true in reality. )

When I was in high school, students started becoming focused on what you wanted to do with your life, what you wanted to be. I had some thoughts about that. I had always been very good at math, found it stimulating, and thought that i would become a mathematician. Later in life I went to law school, worked as a nonprofit executive, became an author of Buddhist and political books, and a sometime composer.

But as much as I enjoyed doing these things and I was good at them, I never felt that they were my destiny. I understand now that's why I never had a passion for any of these things, which bothered me for a long time.

And so with my newfound knowledge and faith, i would have continued to do the things I enjoyed just for the sake of doing them and the joy I experienced in the process. I would do things just for fun, not for any practical purpose. I would sometimes waste time, knowing that enjoying wasted time is not wasted.

There's nothing wrong with not having a passion for something. What is important is that my work brings me joy, and it does that now.

I know my destiny is simply to be a good human being. To love life and to experience and give joy and love to someone and to myself. That is what I have a passion for. Luckily I have achieved my destiny because years ago Ken and I found each other and our relationship has evolved into a deep, abiding love with trust and respect. It is totally reciprocal. There is no one else i could imagine spending my life with. Our love is the joy of my life, my treasure.

In reaching back more into my childhood, I realized that both my parents really were very joyful people. My father especially was full of life, and he loved people. He was always smiling, reaching out to people. And he always found a way to make something positive out of a negative, an adversity. Like when he was interned in England and wrote plays to entertain his fellow internees. Of course he wasn't always "up;" that wouldn't be human.

And my mother was also usually smiling. She had a wonderful, positive attitude. She may not have done much to protect me, but that doesn't take away from her being a joyful person.

And so oddly enough (given where this whole process started), I see my parents as role models in my attempt to reclaim the joy of my early childhood, and the joy that was taken away from me by events that I was not equipped to handle. But in my rewritten narrative, I was equipped to handle. And so I take joy now.

Manifesting

2/9/2021

. Manifesting is attractive to many people as a way of getting past the psychic effect of all the obstacles we face in life when we try and accomplish something. Yet manifesting for most people doesn't work.

For many, the problem is that manifesting as they see it involves actually making the desired outcome happen after projecting yourself into the future, Well, one has no control over what happens and so the likelihood of frustration remains great.

In an earlier post, "Manifestation - DANGER, DANGER!" I wrote how this form of manifestation is antithetical to the teachings of the Buddha, antithetical to being present.

Another type of manifesting that i've been exposed to is about creating a feeling and belief that something is going to happen, not making it happen. Here you are still in the present, but the problem is that the ego-mind's negative reaction based on one's life experiences is so strong, that it typically overwhelms our attempt at maintaining a positive or hopeful feeling in our heart, in our gut. And so we still succumb to the frustration presented by the reality of life.

Creating a positive energy flow, as suggested in my recent post, "Changing the Direction of Your Energy Flow - II - Manifesting," is challenging. Definitely possible but challenging, depending on the extent to which you have freed yourself from the control of your ego-mind and reconnected with your heart..

This morning when meditating, I realized that part of the challenge of this suggested form of manifesting is that even this is too specific. It is too easy for the ego-mind to say convincingly that this isn't going to happen, and for the person to be overwhelmed.

An alternative type of manifesting would be about generating a general positive feeling that you will be ok, safe. That it will all work out. That something good will happen, although it may be very different from what you have in mind, and that you will adapt. Somehow, sometime, somewhere. This would require faith, faith in oneself, in your ability to persevere, to free yourself from past ideas and discover new ones, to adapt yourself. And because of this faith you would be able to be present, not think about the future.

The ego-mind will argue against this as well, calling it wishful thinking. But this is neither wishful thinking nor the traditional positive thinking. This is belief in oneself, that one has the ability to adapt and survive on one's own terms.

Ultimately, if you try any form of manifesting of this type (that is, not trying to make something happen), it will require you to have faith in yourself, not just in your talents but in your connection with your true Buddha nature, in your ability to adapt, in your ability to find happiness regardless what life throws your way. If you don't have that faith, then you have to start with that step, which requires beginning to free yourself from the control of your ego-mind and reconnecting with your true self, which is your heart. (See my post, "Freeing Yourself from the Control of Your Ego-mind.") In this case, be prepared that you won't be able to manifest for quite some tome, as freeing yourself, even partially, is challenging.

In the meantime, be present and accept that things are the way they are right now at this moment because it's just the way it is and that it's ok; it will all work itself out. And release all desire that your life be different in any way from the way it is right now at this moment.

Changing the Direction of Your Energy Flow - II - Manifesting

2/1/2021

In my earlier post about changing the direction of your energy flow, it was about sending out positive energy to yourself and everyone around you, creating a forcefield through which negativity could not reach you. I recently learned of another aspect of changing your energy flow that has a complimentary and enhancing impact on your peace and happiness.

When we seek to do or accomplish something that is important to us, we usually suffer from frustration and disappointment, and often inaction, because we are attached to these efforts and therefore feel we will be devastated if they don't succeed, we are aware of all the things in our past experience that tell us that these efforts will not bear fruit. In short, our ego-mind turns our effort to meet our needs into a landmine for the emotions.

What you need to do is disconnect this effort from your ego-mind, which probably requires freeing yourself from the control of your ego-mind (see my post of that title), and instead find the energy and the belief in this project in your heart, or some people might say your gut.

Sit with this and find in your heart your belief in the project, its rightness for you. Feel the energy that flows from that belief. This positive energy, if it is fed and reinforced each day, will prevent the negative energy from your ego-mind or the world around you from impairing your belief in this project.
This is not wishful thinking nor it is classic positive thinking, which is still through the mind. Indeed, it is not thinking at all. It is feeling through your heart.

This feeling regarding the project is how you manifest your desire. Manifesting is often thought to entail the actual happening of a thing. No, manifesting is just about creating the feeling, the belief. Which will actually make it more likely that the thing will happen, but that's not the point. The point is that right now, at the moment, you will be at peace because you feel regardless what your mind or the world is telling you that this will happen. And thus you are able to be present in the moment, even while manifesting.

When I was meditating this morning and I recited the mantra to take joy in each passing moment, regardless what is happening, I imagined myself, as I sometimes do, in a concentration camp. And I imagined myself having the feeling, the belief, that somehow, at some point, I will be set free. And that feeling would allow me to deal with all the horrors of that experience because it would allow me to just be in the moment.

Manifesting is a big thing right now. But from what I gather in watching videos, there is a great misunderstanding that manifesting means making something happen. If that is your goal in manifesting, you will be terribly frustrated because generally we just don't have control over whether something we want happens or not. It will make it impossible for you to be present. See my post, "Manifestation - DANGER, DANGER!"

But if manifesting is seen as being about creating an energy that comes from your heart, then that is something you have control over and you will be present, if you are free of the control of your ego-mind.