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My True Buddha Self and Me

2/28/2021

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One of the fears that we all have is being alone —especially in a permanent existential sense.   So for example, we worry that if our loved one dies, and we have no close family, that we will be alone, not just in the sense of not having someone to offer support, especially in old age, but not having anyone to talk to, to share one's feelings with.

When I was at Shambhala once, someone asked the teacher what to do when everything falls apart.   The teacher said that your self, your true Buddha self, will speak to you and say, "You are not alone.   I am here to help you. "

Since I do believe that I have a true Buddha self within me, I thought recently why not establish a relationship with my self?  Why wait for disaster to strike?  Why wait till you want guidance from your true self?

In your self, you truly have a friend.   And a friend who will always be there.   I never had an imaginary friend as a child, as so many children seem to do.   Despite the fact that I was desperately in need of friends, that I was aware that I was not liked by many, I guess I did not even have the imagination that some imaginary person could be my constant companion and friend.   Or perhaps I was just lacking in imagination, which I think was more the case.

But that is the past.   Although today I feel that I still have little imagination in that sense.   So this will be a real challenge, to create a relationship between my true Buddha self (the avatar of which is me as a toddler) and me.

Interestingly, this is related to one of the thoughts I had when I rewrote my childhood narrative.   In that narrative I created an imaginary friend to keep me company and play when I was left alone at night.

How do I create a relationship with my true Buddha self?   A relationship means that you experience and share things with each other.   And so I have started speaking to my true Buddha self, sharing my observations, whether of nature, people, whatever, and my feelings with him.  


And what I am finding is that because I am talking to a young child, a toddler, my communication is filled with the joy and wonder and energy that you would communicate when talking to a child; very different from talking to an adult.   And so I am in effect experiencing things now through the eyes of that innocent child.   

In so doing, I am lifting myself from the mundane, burdened plane through which we typically experience everyday life and instead am seeing things through the eyes, the plane of my Buddha self, my divine essence.   This is truly offering myself joy, experiencing joy. 

At some point, my true Buddha self will share its observations and thoughts with me.   Although the possibility is strong that he already does this, but I am not aware that he is the source of my own observations.   Indeed, if these observations come from my heart and not my ego-mind, then they would be coming from him.

In that event, a major part of the relationship already exists.   What it remains for me to do is communicate regularly with my true Buddha self.   Make him a presence by my side at all times.   That is my intent. I will manifest the presence of my true Buddha self at my side at all times.
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Reclaiming the Narrative of My Life - II

2/20/2021

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In my early childhood, by all accounts - photos, other's contemporaneous statements, and my scant actual memory - I experienced joy on a consistent basis, whether it was being with family or exploring new things.   But for a variety of reasons, after around age 7, the joy of my childhood ceased and from that point on I experienced life as an adult.

Several years ago, I realized that my "memory" of those years was not accurate.   That my ego-mind had created a narrative that was much worse than the reality.   And so I reclaimed the story of my life.  See my post, "Reclaiming the Story of Your Life."

Recently, after a visit to a spirit guide, I reflected on my childhood and realized some truths that I had not realized before and now at her urging I am truly reclaiming my narrative by rewriting it, not just making it more factually accurate.

What caused me to loose that joy was not some disappointment about myself, it was my interactions, and also the lack thereof, with others.   And it all happened around the age of 7 - 9.   Here is the narrative I have lived with all these years.

My father would get very upset, literally red in the face, because I was a poor eater.   He would send me up to my room with some frequency.   At the time, I felt rejected and became nervous to eat with him.   He said I wasn't normal and sent me to the family doctor who responded that I was a very normal child, actually a good eater for a child, but that didn't satisfy my father.

My mother and grandmother went to play cards once a week at night at friends', getting home around midnight.   I would be left alone; my brother had graduated and was in the Navy.   At the time, I was scared and feared being abandoned.

Several neighborhood rough boys grabbed me, took me to a field, stripped me, held me down, and peed on me.  I knew i was different, I wasn't a rough and tumble all-American boy.   At the time, I was filled with shame, devastated, I never told my mother or another soul what had happened, and had to face the fact that there were people out there who truly did not like me.

The result of all of those things happening around the same time was that I decided that I needed to excel in everything I did in order to gain people's respect.   That that was how I was going to gain social desirability from peers and love from my parents.   Everything that I loved in life . . .  music, learning . . .  became a tool and so I stopped receiving any joy from those things.   I no longer experienced those things with a child's innocence and wonder.      

How to rewrite this narrative and reclaim that early joy?   The point here is that deep down I never felt there was anything wrong with me.   I was happy with who i was.   it was the reactions of others who drove all the joy out of me.  It was my ego-mind that decided that, in agreement with my father and peers, that there was something wrong with me.

What was my destiny; what is my destiny?  In looking at my childhood photos (consistently smiling with truly joyous expressions; taking joy in everything) I think my destiny was and is simply to be a good human being.   To love life and to experience and give joy and love to someone, and to myself.

That is not my need because of an unhappy childhood, that is my destiny because of the child I was born.   Just like my seriousness is part of my being a Capricorn, it's part of my birthright, it is part of who i am, my joy is part of my being a human being.   That is central to my true Buddha nature, my divine essence.

When I started this process, I thought that the new, reclaimed narrative would have me have more friends, be popular, play sports, maybe have a sibling closer to my age.   But none of that is part of my new story

My rewritten story is that I had the presence and the training to not care what others thought of me.   That my parents supported me in my difference, not just when I came out to them in later life, which they did, but in my childhood.   That I knew that I had everything inside myself to be at peace and happy.   And that I knew i would be ok, safe, regardless what life threw my way because I would always return home to my heart, my true self, and so be at peace and happy.  And so while the things I experienced are unchanged, my reaction, my response to them is very different.

Here is my re-written story:

I was born into a loving family - parents and an older brother.   And close family friends added to the loving circle around me, Charlotte and Aunt Lisa.   I didn't have friends my own age in the neighborhood, but I know from pictures that my parents went sledding and ice skating with me, and in the summer we would go swimming at Green Lane.   I was a happy child, full of joy, for no particular reason other than the joy of being and experiencing.   My father wrote that I was his ray of sunshine.

We moved to Reading when i was 4 and the cast of characters changed somewhat, my mother's friend Hilda became a constant presence, but the basic family relationship continued.   The one change is that my father wasn't around much, having started a new business and working morning to night,  7 days a week.    I barely saw him.

When I was six, my parents bought me an old upright piano and i started taking lessons.   I loved playing the piano and would come downstairs before breakfast to play some notes.   I also started school and loved my 1st and 2nd grade teacher, Ms. Paul, who was nurturing.   I remember one open house she had gotten an old wooden churner and we churned our own butter from cream; it was delicious.   I remember the joy I felt.  I took a potted plant to her home for Easter.

There was also joy exploring the creek in the old estate down on the corner, overturning rocks, looking for crayfish.   Adventure was there and in the woods close to our home.

The above paragraphs reflect my childhood as it really was.   Here there was nothing to reinvent, just rediscovering what was.

It is the next section of my rewritten story, what happened to me at age 7-9 and afterwards, that gets reimagined.   I have enough sense of self as a child and knew I was loved so that these experiences didn't upset me, my reaction and response to them were different.   For example, when my father would get upset with me and send me to my room, I knew my father grew up in WWI Germany and was very sensitive to food scarcity.   And he wanted me to be normal for my benefit.   It didn't mean he didn't love me.   

My mother somehow had no clue that you don't leave a 9-year old alone at night, in her mind she wasn't neglecting me.   But instead of giving in to being scared, I made a game of it, invented a friend to share the time with, and relished being alone.   

When I got home from being abused by the boys, I now told my mother, who was infuriated.   She told me never to be ashamed of who I was, regardless how some people acted towards me.   That I was loved and valued and had so much to offer.  That i didn't need to be liked by anyone to be happy.   That there would always be those who didn't like me, but that was their problem, not mine.   These boys were sick.

And so I reacted to these events with an, it's just the way it is, attitude and felt it's all ok, i'll be safe regardless.   I continued going about my childhood life doing the things I enjoyed . . .  music, learning, exploring, being in nature . . .  and taking joy in the wonder of these things.   I had my few friends who I spent a lot of time with.   I didn't try to be someone other than I was.

Because I was bright and my parents encouraged me, I did very well at school.   But I was aware that the other children were competitive and sensitive to their abilities or lack thereof, so I never used my knowledge as a weapon.   I  consciously didn't shine and wasn't prideful.   (Definitely not true in reality. )

When I was in high school, students started becoming focused on what you wanted to do with your life, what you wanted to be.   I had some thoughts about that.   I had always been very good at math, found it stimulating, and thought that i would become a mathematician.   Later in life I went to law school, worked as a nonprofit executive, became an author of Buddhist and political books, and a sometime composer.   

But as much as I enjoyed doing these things and I was good at them, I never felt that they were my destiny.   I understand now that's why I never had a passion for any of these things, which bothered me for a long time.

And so with my newfound knowledge and faith, i would have continued to do the things I enjoyed just for the sake of doing them and the joy I experienced in the process.   I would do things just for fun, not for any practical purpose.   I would sometimes waste time, knowing that enjoying wasted time is not wasted.

There's nothing wrong with not having a passion for something.   What is important is that my work brings me joy, and it does that now.

I know my destiny is simply to be a good human being.   To love life and to experience and give joy and love to someone and to myself.   That is what I have a passion for.   Luckily I have achieved my destiny because years ago Ken and I found each other and our relationship has evolved into a deep, abiding love with trust and respect.   It is totally reciprocal.    There is no one else i could imagine spending my life with.   Our love is the joy of my life, my treasure.

In reaching back more into my childhood, I realized that both my parents really were very joyful people.   My father especially was full of life, and he loved people.   He was always smiling, reaching out to people.   And he always found a way to make something positive out of a negative, an adversity.   Like when he was interned in England and wrote plays to entertain his fellow internees.   Of course he wasn't always "up;" that wouldn't be human.   

And my mother was also usually smiling.   She had a wonderful, positive attitude.   She may not have done much to protect me, but that doesn't take away from her being a joyful person.

And so oddly enough (given where this whole process started), I see my parents as role models in my attempt to reclaim the joy of my early childhood, and the joy that was taken away from me by events that I was not equipped to handle.   But in my rewritten narrative, I was equipped to handle.   And so I take joy now.
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Manifesting

2/9/2021

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. Manifesting is attractive to many people as a way of getting past the psychic effect of all the obstacles we face in life when we try and accomplish something.   Yet manifesting for most people doesn't work.   

For many, the problem is that manifesting as they see it involves actually making the desired outcome happen after projecting yourself into the future,    Well, one has no control over what happens and so the likelihood of frustration remains great.

In an earlier post, "Manifestation - DANGER, DANGER!" I wrote how this form of manifestation is antithetical to the teachings of the Buddha, antithetical to being present.


Another type of manifesting that i've been exposed to is about creating a feeling and belief that something is going to happen, not making it happen.  Here you are still in the present, but the problem is that the ego-mind's negative reaction based on one's life experiences is so strong, that it typically overwhelms our attempt at maintaining  a positive or hopeful feeling in our heart, in our gut.   And so we still succumb to the frustration presented by the reality of life.

Creating a positive energy flow, as suggested in my recent post, "Changing the Direction of Your Energy Flow - II - Manifesting," is challenging.   Definitely possible but challenging, depending on the extent to which you have freed yourself from the control of your ego-mind and reconnected with your heart..

This morning when meditating, I realized that part of the challenge of this suggested form of manifesting is that even this is too specific.   It is too easy for the ego-mind to say convincingly that this isn't going to happen, and for the person to be overwhelmed.

An alternative type of manifesting would be about generating a general positive feeling that you will be ok, safe.   That it will all work out.   That something good will happen, although it may be very different from what you have in mind, and that you will adapt. Somehow, sometime, somewhere.   This would require faith, faith in oneself, in your ability to persevere, to free yourself from past ideas and discover new ones, to adapt yourself.  And because of this faith you would be able to be present, not think about the future. 
 

The ego-mind will argue against this as well, calling it wishful thinking.   But this is neither wishful thinking nor the traditional positive thinking.   This is belief in oneself, that one has the ability to adapt and survive on one's own terms.

Ultimately, if you try any form of manifesting of this type (that is, not trying to make something happen), it will require you to have faith in yourself, not just in your talents but in your connection with your true Buddha nature, in your ability to adapt, in your ability to find happiness regardless what life throws your way.   If you don't have that faith, then you have to start with that step, which requires beginning to free yourself from the control of your ego-mind and reconnecting with your true self, which is your heart.   (See my post, "Freeing Yourself from the Control of Your Ego-mind.")  In this case, be prepared that you won't be able to manifest for quite some tome, as freeing yourself, even partially, is challenging. 

In the meantime, be present and accept that things are the way they are right now at this moment because it's just the way it is and that it's ok; it will all work itself out.  And release all desire that your life be different in any way from the way it is right now at this moment.
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Changing the Direction of Your Energy Flow - II - Manifesting

2/1/2021

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In my earlier post about changing the direction of your energy flow, it was about sending out positive energy to yourself and everyone around you, creating a forcefield through which negativity could not reach you.  I recently learned of another aspect of changing your energy flow that has a complimentary and enhancing impact on your peace and happiness.

When we seek to do or accomplish something that is important to us, we usually suffer from frustration and disappointment, and often inaction, because we are attached to these efforts and therefore feel we will be devastated if they don't succeed, we are aware of all the things in our past experience that tell us that these efforts will not bear fruit.   In short, our ego-mind turns our effort to meet our needs into a landmine for the emotions.

What you need to do is disconnect this effort from your ego-mind, which probably requires freeing yourself from the control of your ego-mind (see my post of that title), and instead find the energy and the belief in this project in your heart, or some people might say your gut.   

Sit with this and find in your heart your belief in the project, its rightness for you.   Feel the energy that flows from that belief.   This positive energy, if it is fed and reinforced each day, will prevent the negative energy from your ego-mind or the world around you from impairing your belief in this project.   
This is not wishful thinking nor it is classic positive thinking, which is still through the mind.   Indeed, it is not thinking at all.   It is feeling through your heart.   

This feeling regarding the project is how you manifest your desire.   Manifesting is often thought to entail the actual happening of a thing.   No, manifesting is just about creating the feeling, the belief.   Which will actually make it more likely that the thing will happen, but that's not the point.   The point is that right now, at the moment, you will be at peace because you feel regardless what your mind or the world is telling you that this will happen.   And thus you are able to be present in the moment, even while manifesting.

When I was meditating this morning and I recited the mantra to take joy in each passing moment, regardless what is happening, I imagined myself, as I sometimes do, in a concentration camp.   And I imagined myself having the feeling, the belief, that somehow, at some point, I will be set free.   And that feeling would allow me to deal with all the horrors of that experience because it would allow me to just be in the moment.

Manifesting is a big thing right now.   But from what I gather in watching videos, there is a great misunderstanding that manifesting means making something happen.   If that is your goal in manifesting, you will be terribly frustrated because generally we just don't have control over whether something we want happens or not.  It will make it impossible for you to be present.   See my post, "Manifestation - DANGER, DANGER!"

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But if manifesting is seen as being about creating an energy that comes from your heart, then that is something you have control over and you will be present, if you are free of the control of your ego-mind.
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Fear's Destructive Impact

1/24/2021

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Fear makes us do things that are not in our best interest.   What's worse, fear is not something that we are always aware of.   

So for example, it has become clear to me recently that even regarding my partner in whose love I feel so secure, I am scaring myself because I have a deep fear of being abandoned.   When there is a problem, when something happens that momentarily divides us, I feel I have to say something although I know he needs to be left alone and that all will be well.   But instead, by going to him, I agitate him more.

I am well aware of my historic fear of being abandoned.   But I was not aware that it was active in this sphere of my life.   The relationship is that strong and deep.

Part of my meditation affirmations every day is saying that my true Buddha self removes all negative energy, including fear of being abandoned.   But obviously that is not working here.

My practice and mantras have worked very well except for those things that touch my deepest core, which is my fear of not being loved, of being abandoned.   Things don't push my buttons; I truly feel that I will be ok regardless what life throws my way, because I have returned home to my true Buddha nature.

This fear has been the source of much suffering for me for decades.   Part of my sexual addiction was the fear of being abandoned; I looked for some form of sustenance outside my relationship so that I would feel that even if it fell apart, I would not be alone.   It sounds insane, but it's true.   My practice and 12-step work has freed me from my sexual addiction (like the ego, though, it is always there, so I call myself a recovering sex addict).

But when it comes to my relationship with my partner, my love, my destiny, I am aware now that the fear is still very active and alive.  And only by working with God, my angels, my true Buddha self, can this fear be removed from me.  It all goes back to the trauma of my childhood.

And so I realized that I need to go to my true Buddha self, my divine essence, and ask him to remove this fear from me.   It is this core fear that activates the things I do in my interaction with my partner that causes problems.   That and my pride, which is ego-sabotage.   (But that's a topic for another post.)

Theoretically, there are 2 ways of being free of this fear.   The one is having faith that you will not be abandoned based on the strength of the relationship.  The other is knowing that if for some reason this should happen, you will be ok regardless because you have returned home to your true Buddha nature.  I truly believe in the latter, even as regards my partner; my mantra about not being attached works.   But the fear of being abandoned comes from childhood trauma and that is not lessened by the rational knowledge of the strength of my relationship.

And so I sat again in my meditation with this fear.   I realized the truth that I have never been abandoned by anyone I loved, not my parents nor anyone else.   My fear of being abandoned is a child's fear.   Now I am an adult and I know better.   

So part of the answer is acting on this realization.  This is another area where I need to rewrite my childhood narrative.   Give my child a way to react to situations which he did not have.   See my post, "Reclaiming the Story of Your Life."

And my Buddha nature, my divine essence spoke to me.   Regardless what happens to me, if in the future I am left alone for whatever reason,  I will never be alone because my true Buddha nature will always be there for me, to nourish me, to love me, to sustain me.   As the Buddha said, do not take refuge in anyone but your self.

We are raised to believe that we need others in order to be happy, in order to survive.   When we are born and in our early childhood that is literally the case.   But that gets morphed by our ego-mind into a much broader need that is not rational.  And it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.   

Yet I truly know from within that I have everything I need inside myself to be at peace and happy.   It is my job to maintain that awareness and not allow my ego-mind to pull up the fears of my childhood and cause me anxiety.

It doesn't matter how long one has been practicing or the depth of one's practice.   It doesn't matter how far one has come in walking the path.   You are usually kidding yourself if you think you are truly free of all fetters.   Such deep fetters that are connected to our ego-mind are the last that we free ourselves from allowing us to experience nirvana.  See my post, "Nirvana — It's Just Before Your Eyes."  Obviously, I'm not there yet.

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I have faith.  All will be well.
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How to Free Yourself from the Control of Your Ego-Mind

1/12/2021

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Over the last half year, I have been active on the Quora website, posting things as well as answering questions that are asked - many, many questions.   And what I have found, not surprisingly, is that the deep answer to all problems of a psychological nature involve freeing oneself from the control of your ego-mind.

Why is it not surprising?  Because the ego-mind, and it's emotions, judgments cravings, and attachments - it's reactions to one's life experiences - are the source of our suffering.   Not the events of our life or aspects of our being.

This is the core truth of the Four Noble Truths and the Buddha's teaching.   In my books and my posts I have spoken to this, but except in my book, How to Find Inner Peace, I thought I had not in one place stated what that intent entails.   And I was going to write a post that summarized the process.

But as I began writing these words, I realized that I had in fact addressed this before, and quite early in the life of this blog, in the posts, "The End of Suffering Cheat Sheet,"  and "12 Steps on the Buddhist Path," which together lay out the process.  Most critical to the process is first, understanding that your ego-mind is not your true self, and that it's emotions, judgments, cravings, and attachments are the source of your suffering.   Not the events of your life or aspects of your being.   And second, coming to know the your true self is your heart.

So I commend  both of these posts to you.   What I would add to these posts in information regarding how you actually implement the process.   What are the practices that free yourself from the control of your ego-mind?

First, you must form the intent to free yourself, to change your reaction to things.   If you don't truly have that intent, then you will not make any progress.   For many practicing Buddhists, this is a core problem.   A reason why they are frustrated by the lack of progress in their practice.  They want to have their cake and eat it too.   And that is not possible.   The Buddhist path is not compatible with the lessons we, meaning our ego-mind, has learned from our interaction with family, peers, and culture.   See my post, "Do You Really Want to Be at Peace and Content?"

Second, the practice of "Not me!"  of peeling off the layers of the ego-mind is very helpful.  See my post of that title.

Third, discovering the truths of the Buddha dharma from within.  It's one thing to understand the truths intellectually, it is another to then discover them from within.   Only then will you have the strength to go through this challenging process and not succumb to the power of the ego-mind.

Fourth, actually changing your reaction to things.    An important part of this is the practice of the Heart's Embrace (see my post of that title) as well as testing and rejecting harmful guidance, guidance that is not in your best interest.

Fifth,  healing your inner child.  See my posts on this subject.

Sixth, changing the direction of your energy flow.   Instead of absorbing negative energy from the world around you, emit positive energy, creating a forcefield around you that negative energy cannot penetrate.   See my post, "Changing Your Life by Changing the Direction of Its Energy Flow."

Seventh, just do it!  Ultimately it comes down to having the courage and the discipline to just do it.

If you prefer watching videos more than reading, then watching my "Coming Home" series, available from this website, covers much, but not all, of the same ground.

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If you want to end your suffering, this should be the most important goal of your practice.   May you experience peace and happiness.
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Que Sera Sera - Whatever Will Be Will Be

1/4/2021

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In the 50s, there was a popular song sung by Doris Day called, "Que Sera Sera," which means whatever will be will be.   A little girl asked her mother what the future holds for her, will she be happy, will she be rich, etc.   And the mother responded, que sera sera,

I doubt if the composer of the song was a Buddhist, but what a wonderful Buddhist anthem.   When you have freed yourself from the control of your ego-mind, know that you have everything you need inside yourself to be at peace and happy, and so you do not need anything external to be in a particular way, you know that you will be ok, spiritually safe, regardless what life throws your way because you have returned home and will always return home to your true Buddha self.   And so you can truly say, que sera sera.

But what a challenge it is to get to that point in one's practice.   Most people don't accept the present as being the way it is.   And they certainly don't feel that they will be ok in the future if things don't turn out the way they would like them to, and so they don't accept that possibility.   They are attached to every effort they make regarding their future; they do not have the attitude - if it happens, great; if it doesn't, that's ok too.   And so they suffer from fear, anxiety, and endless frustration,

This is unfortunately true for many practicing Buddhists as well, partly because they have not received teaching that goes to the root of suffering, that "scratched the itch," as 17th century Zen monk Master Bankei said.   Partly because they either don't really have the intent to free themselves from the control of their ego-mind, they don't want to give up their judgments, cravings, and attachments, or if they do, the ego-mind is so powerful that it overwhelms their intent and their faith,

If you want to get to the point where you can truly say, que sera sera,  try watching my video series, "Coming Home."  That will help get you started.   It's a challenging task to overcome everything we've been taught about interacting with ourselves and the world around us.

The ability to free yourself from the control of your ego-mind impacts everything in your life that causes you suffering.   I have been posting and answering questions on Quora for the past several months.   And to virtually every troubled question I am asked, the answer is the same, free yourself from the control of your ego-mind.

The serenity prayer ends by asking to have the courage to change the things we can - which is how we relate to ourselves and the world around us, the thoughts we think, the words we speak, the actions we take.   That is what freeing yourself from the control of your ego-mind is all about.
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It's a Sin -The Harm We Inflict on Ourselves

12/27/2020

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There are many sins that we are guilty of.   But to me, there is no greater sin than harming oneself.   Why is this the greatest sin?  Because your very being is a gift of the universe and to harm that gift is a sin, it shows a lack of respect.   Also, if you harm yourself, you cannot bring others joy and love, and our purpose in life is to offer yourself and others joy.

So it all starts with you.   This is not an egocentric perspective at odds with the teachings of the Buddha.   The first teaching of the Buddha, the Four Noble Truths, is about ending your suffering; not someone else's, yours.   That is the focus of all the Buddha's teaching.   Yes, we are taught to offer others joy and have compassion for others, but the central reason for that is that that is how we offer ourselves joy.   If we are mean-spirited towards others, that energy is toxic and so we will not experience joy.

What, you may ask, about the teaching to be selfless?   But that teaching does not mean that one should not think about one's needs.   This is often lost in the teaching.   It means that you don't do something solely because it meets your needs and never mind how it impacts anyone else; it means you should not be selfish.

So back to not harming yourself.   First, this does not just mean physical harm.   No, I am talking here about psychic harm.   The harm that we inflict upon ourselves every day through the thoughts of our ego-mind.

The ego-mind is the source of all our emotions, judgments, cravings, and attachments, and they are the cause of all of our suffering, our fears and frustration, not events or aspects of our being.   Every time the ego-mind takes control of you, you are beset with suffering and in this way you harm yourself.

But you may say that you have no control over your ego-mind.   It is an inseparable part of you.   It is your very being.

Not so.   While you undoubtedly feel that your ego-mind is an inseparable part of you, that's not the case.   You may feel it is your identity because it's the only identity you've known your whole life, but it is not your true self.   One can free oneself from the control of your ego-mind.  Indeed, that is central to the Buddha dharma.   You don't get rid of it, just rid of its control over you.

The first step is to acknowledge that your ego-mind is the source fo all your suffering and that it is not your true self.   For as the Buddha said, "if it causes you suffering, it is not you, it is not yours, it is not your self for your self would not cause you suffering. "

Once you acknowledge that, there are various techniques for freeing yourself from its control, all which you will want to use because the ego-mind has so much power over you.   A good starting point is the practice of saying, "Not me!" to your various emotions, etc.   See my post, "Not Me - Peeling Off the Layers of Our Ego-Mind."  For a full treatment of the whole process, see Chapter 3, "Freeing Your Self," in my book, How to Find Inner Peace.

While you are freeing yourself from your ego-mind, you want to reconnect with your true self, which is your heart.  This is not as simple as it sounds.   But when you are able to make that connection, you will find that your heart is light, love, faith, trust, compassion, humility, gratefulness, joy, contentment, strength, courage, and wisdom.   Not a bad combination!

When you connect with your heart, you will have no negative thoughts about yourself, you will do nothing that harms yourself, and you will do nothing that harms others.   You will be at peace and experience joy.

Again, the process is described fully in Chapter 2.2, "Our True Self is Our Heart," in the Inner Peace book.   I just realized that I have not written a post on the subject.   One will follow in the near future.    One relevant post is, "Avatars - Their Usefulness. "

As stated above, your primary purpose in life is to offer yourself joy.    Once you have freed yourself from the control of your ego-mind and reconnected with your heart, you will be able to offer yourself joy.   And how do you do that?  You take joy in each passing moment regardless what is going on, be in touch with the positive energy of your heart, release all desire that your life be different in any way from the way it is right now, be aware of all you are grateful for, love yourself unconditionally and have compassion for yourself.   That is how you offer yourself joy.

​
May you experience peace and happiness.
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You Don't Need to be Liked

12/18/2020

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One thing that drives most of us is the need to be liked, to be wanted, to be acknowledged, to be loved.   It is in part a human need, a large part of our lives as humans involves interacting with others, but it has a grip on us all out of proportion to its inherent impact on our peace and happiness.   Why?   Because of the insecurity that inevitably takes hold of us in our early childhood and continues to be a core psychic factor for the rest of our lives.

Our insecurity is a product of our ego-mind, its reaction to our early life experiences, from the moment of birth onward.  As children we are totally dependent on our parents and family for everything that we need to exist, including what I have called the Four Basic Needs - food, freedom from pain, warmth/nurturing, physical security (see my book, The Self in No Self).

We quickly learn the importance of pleasing our parents in order to receive what we need, especially warmth/nurturing.   Love in our experience is very conditional.  And so we grow up with an almost desperate need to be liked and a willingness to do almost anything in order to obtain that.

But as we learn from Buddhist teaching, our emotional reaction to events are all a product of the ego-mind.   If one is free of the ego-mind and instead is connected to your true self, your heart, you do not experience these emotions; they're still there because the ego-mind is always a part of you, but they no longer possess you, they don't impact you.

Instead you come to realize and have faith that you have everything you need inside yourself to be at peace and happy.   Literally, you don't need anything or anyone else in order to be at peace and happy.   You may need others in order to accomplish certain goals, do certain things, but not to be at peace and happy.   We develop faith, therefore, that regardless what life throws our way, we will be at peace and happy because we have returned home, and will always return home, to our true Buddha self, our heart.

​
Try it out.   A huge burden will be lifted from your shoulders.
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What Is Life Without Emotion?

12/6/2020

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I get many questions from people who have the impression that to be a Buddhist, to view things with dispassion, with equanimity, is to live a deadly life, dull, boring, robotic.   They can't imagine a life without all the emotions of the ego-mind that they very much identity with as being themselves.

And that actually makes the point.   As long as we are not free the control of our ego-minds, not only can't we free ourselves from suffering, but we also can't imagine a life without all the emotions that get our juices flowing.   We can't imagine what our true self, our heart, would provide us that would take the place of those emotions and make our life interesting, passionate.

Let me try to answer the question.   But first, it is essential for you to acknowledge that all this juice in your life, all the emotions, judgments, cravings, and attachments not just cause you to suffer, they are the cause of your suffering, not events or aspects of your being.   We tend to get nostalgic about the things we are comfortable with because they are familiar, even if they cause us suffering.   We fear the unknown.   But there is no progress on the path to end suffering without acknowledging this truth.

If you free yourself from the control of your ego-mind, or even to the extent that you do (as with most things Buddhist, it is an incremental process), and reconnect instead with your true self, your heart, you will be driven by a different dynamic.   For your heart is light, love, faith, trust, compassion, humility, gratefulness, joy, contentment, strength, courage, and wisdom.

How would this change your life?  It means that you would react to life experiences not our of fear, or pride, or your deep-seated insecurity.   Instead, you would see your experiences as just being the way they are.   They would not impact your psyche in any way.   You would view them with equanimity, knowing that regardless what life throws your way, you will be ok, safe, because you have returned home and will always return home to your true Buddha nature and be at peace and happy.

So if you see something that is terrible, you would still acknowledge its negative nature, but you would not react with emotion.   You would use your rational judgment to decide how best to respond to the situation.

If someone says something to you critical, you will not react with emotion as if attacked.   Instead you will hear what the person said clearly.   And if what they say is the truth, you will use it as an opportunity to grow and strengthen yourself.   If they have thrown a falsehood at you, you will not take it personally, knowing that it comes from their trauma and you will have compassion for them.

What about love? Will that emotion be gone from your life too?  Love as you have thought of it in the past will indeed be gone from your life.   For most people love is based on either lust or what the other person does for you, how they meet your needs, usually a combination of the two.   But this is not true love because it is all about you, it has little to do with the other person, their needs.
.
True love is loving the person for who they are, not for what they do for you.   True love is reflected in your driving force being wanting nothing but what is in that person's best interest.   That person's needs become your needs.   What you used to feel were your needs, while still important become secondary.

True love is complete trust and faith.   And it is mutual.   There is no greater comfort than knowing that you have complete trust and faith in your companion.   There is no more need for ego; in fact, ego would be destructive of this relationship.   

And when you undertake some effort not to satisfy some ego-need but because it arises from your heart, you will experience a joy and a passion that was missing before.   One cannot have unburdened joy when doing something to satisfy the ego because there is always some psychic need, some insecurity, lurking behind the action.  There is always an element of fear and frustration.

So as you can see, life free of the control of the ego-mind, free of its emotions, judgments, cravings, and attachments, is not boring or dull.   It is in fact far more enriching, more fulfilling than your former life.   

​
And, and this is important, being one with your true self, your heart, does not keep you from being in this world, working, making money, playing, etc.   It just makes you not of this world.   You will be marching to a different drummer.
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    1. The Goal Of Buddhism
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    As A Buddhist … Revisited Again - Do We Need To Know Where We’re Headed?
    As A Buddhist ... Revisited - Planning Without Thinking
    As A Buddhist … Revisited Yet Again - How Do You Implement Moving Forward Without Having A Destination Point?
    A Simpler Path To Experiencing Joy
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    Be A Light Unto Yourself And Others
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    Being Present Is The Key To Peace And Contentment
    Being Present - No What If’s Or Imagining The Future
    Being Present - Part 2
    Being There For Someone
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    Beyond Acceptance
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    Buddhism And The Divine
    Change Your Life By Changing The Direction Of Its Energy Flow
    Changing The Direction Of Your Energy Flow - II - Manifesting
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    Chicken Or Egg ?
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    Crying Is Not The Release Of Pain
    Darkness Before Light
    Death And Life
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    Death Heaven And Hell
    Deflating The Ego
    Dependence
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    Dispassion Does Not Mean Wtihout Feeling
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    Do We Suffer Or Not? - The Choice Is Ours
    Do You Really Want To Be At Peace And Content
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    Enter Your Buddha Mind
    Equanimity But Feel Someone’s Pain
    Everything That Disturbs Us Is A Product Of Suffering
    Everything You Need To Be Happy
    Evil - How Should A Buddhist Respond?
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    Freeing Yourself From Suffering - The Prerequisite Step
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    Step #10: Continued To Be Mindful Of The Arising Of Cravings And Desires And When They Arose Did Not Attach To Them And Allowed Them To Subside.
    Step #11: Sought Through Meditation To Constantly Improve Our Conscious Contact With Our True Buddha Nature
    Step #1: Admitted Our Cravings Cause Us Suffering And That We Are Powerless Over Them
    Step #2: Came To Believe That Our True Buddha Nature Could Restore Us To Peace And Created A Platform Of Serenity
    Step #3: Committed Ourselves To The Path By Practicing The Five Precepts And The Six Paramitas
    Step #4 Came To Believe That All Our Perceptions Are Learned - That They Are Just A Product Of Our Ego-mind - And That Our Ego-mind Is Not Our True Self - Instead We Knew That Our True Self Is Our Heart.
    Step #5: Were Ready And Willing And Made A Decision To Surrender Our Ego And Turn Our Will And Our Lives Over To The Care Of Our True Buddha Nature Opening Our Heart To Embrace All Aspects Of Our Being.
    Step #6: Came To Believe That We Have Everything We Need Within Ourselves To Be At Peace And Happy
    Step #7: Came To Be Free Of Our Cravings
    Step #8: Were Entirely Ready To Love Ourselves Unconditionally And Have Compassion For Ourselves And To Accept Ourselves And The World Around Us As Being The Way They Are Because It's Just The Way It Is.
    Step #9: Made A List Of Persons We Had Harmed And Made Amends To Them
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    Strength Not Courage
    Suffering Is Universal - But Why?
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    Taking Responsibility Is Not Blame
    Teaching Only Points The Way
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    The 3-legged Stool Of Spirituality
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    The Coexistence Of Ego And Buddha Nature
    The Devil Is Alive And Well
    The Distinction Between Pain And Suffering
    The Ego As Saboteur
    The Emptiness Of Intrinsic Existence And Its Relevance To Global Warming
    The Five Precepts
    The Fourfold Path To Freedom
    The Four Noble Truths
    The Freedom Of Focusing On Someone Or Something Outside Yourself
    The Heart/Mind Divide
    The Heart’s Embrace - More On Freeing Ourselves
    The Heart's Embrace - Updated
    The Hurt Of Rejection - Its Enduring Impact
    The Illusion Of Control
    The Imperative Of Self-Preservation
    The Lessons Of Siddhartha
    The Limits Of Rational Thought
    The Meaning And Power Of Selflessness
    The Middle Way - A Way Back From The Breach
    The Mind - Suffering Connection
    The Misleading Teaching Of No Self
    The Missing Noble Truth
    The Myanmar Situation
    The Mystery Of The Ego - An Answer
    The New Me - I Not I
    The Noble Eightfold Path
    The Parable Of The Raft
    The Path As Tightrope
    The Path From Peace To Joy
    The Path Is Never-Ending
    The Power Of Affirmations - Use Carefully
    The Power Of Giving Voice To Thoughts
    The Present Beyond Us
    The Purpose Of Life
    The Push/Pull Of Ego-Mind
    The Question Is Not Whether The Glass Is Half Empty Or Half Full
    There Are No Bad Persons
    There Is Nothing Wrong With You
    The Remnants Of The Ego
    The Soul’s Yearning And How Best To Fulfill It
    The Stages Of Acceptance
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    The Stages Of Man’s Spirit
    The Subconscious
    The Three Stages Of Embrace
    The Unaware Consumer
    The Wisdom Of Chickens
    The Wisdom Of Now
    This Is Not Me This Is Not My Self
    Thought Objects
    To Free Yourself From Cravings You Must Free Yourself Of Fear
    To Love Unconditionally = Loving-Kindness
    Tonglen - How To Approach Its Practice
    To Observe Free Of Mind - To Experience Joy
    To See Opportunity You Must Be Free Of Fear
    To Thine Own Self Be True
    Trauma
    Trauma Begets Trauma
    Trauma Denied No Longer
    Trauma - Healing It Is Critical
    Trauma - It’s Release
    Turning Your Will Over To Your True Buddha Nature
    Walking Away From Modernity
    Walking On The Beach
    Walking The Path - It’s A Lot Of Work But It’s Well Worth It
    We Are All One
    We Have Everything We Need To Be At Peace And Happy Inside Ourselves
    We Have Lost Our Sense Of Place
    We Make Our Own Mental Environment
    We Never Stop Healing
    What Activates The Ego-Mind?
    What Are We Celebrating On July 4th?
    What Blocks Me From Being Truly Present And Radiating My Inner Energy 24/7?
    What Is Joy? What Is Happiness?
    What Is Life Without Emotion?
    What Is Most Important To You?
    What Is Your Task In Life?
    What Price Peace And Happiness?
    What's Real And What’s Not Real?
    What’s The Real Challenge - Life Or The Ego?
    What To Do When You Lose Faith?
    What Use Fame Power Fortune?
    What You Can’t Will And What You Can
    When A Heart’s Desire Is Commandeered By The Ego
    When Joy Is Not Joy
    When Love Is Not Love ...
    When Nothing Offends
    When Really Bad Things Happen
    When Smiling Toddlers Cry
    When The Mind Intervenes
    Who Am I?
    Who/What Is Your True Self?
    Why Diets Fail - A Buddhist Perspective
    Why Do We Crave?
    Why Is Being Grateful Such A Challenge?
    Why Is It So Hard To Be Free Of Your Ego?
    Why Is Mankind Trapped In A Box?
    Why Point The Compass Towards Tomorrow?
    Why We Take Offense
    Wisdom - What Is It?
    Wounded Our Ego-Mind Becomes The Devil
    Yes Virginia There Is A True Buddha Nature
    Yet Another Past Attachment
    You Are Not Alone
    You As Observer
    You Can Be In Control
    You Don't Need To Be Liked

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