ThePracticalBuddhist.com - The Practical Buddhist Blog - Practical Advice on Integrating the Practice of Buddhism in Contemporary Life

Letting Others Go Their Way

12/15/2019

One of the most difficult things in our relationships with other people, be it family members, friends, or colleagues, is letting people go their way. Not attempting to get them to do what you think they should do; not attempting to guide them to do what in your mind is the right thing.

This obsessive need of ours comes from a variety of places. It can come from our desire to be helpful and therefore appreciated, valued. It comes from our feeling that we know what’s best more than anyone else. It comes from our need to show off, to flaunt that we have knowledge and intelligence. It comes from a desire to control.

But bottom line, it all comes from an insecure ego. If we felt secure in ourselves, if we knew we had everything inside of ourselves to be at peace and happy, that we weren’t dependent on others, we would not have this obsessive need. It is one thing to offer one’s thoughts when asked. It is another to force one’s opinion on others. Or if asked, not accept if the other person doesn’t take your opinion and nevertheless continue to pursue it.

“What about children?” the reader may ask. “You have to guide them. That’s your responsibility as a parent or teacher.” It’s one thing giving children information they need. It’s another telling them what to do, how to use that information in making decisions. There is a way of helping children make a good decision without telling them what to do. You can ask a child questions. Help them develop their own thoughts about a situation.

People need to make their own decisions, learn from their own mistakes. That is the only way people grow and gain self-confidence. Do not take that away from anyone.

Being There For Someone

12/7/2019

Most people want to be there for people they care about, whether it’s family or friends. But the question is, can you really be there for someone when you are caught up in your own drama/trauma.

For example, you may see someone who you think needs help, and you think you know just what to do, but that may be more a reflection of where you (or better put, your ego) are coming from, what your perspective is, rather than what the person actually needs. And so by moving forward, you may often get a not very receptive response from the person you are trying to help, causing frustration if not anger.

Or, as unfortunately still happens at times with me, you are caught unaware and so your ego controls your response to a situation. You get defensive and lash out at the very person who you want to be there for. It is beyond painful to realize the power the ego continues to have even after so much spiritual growth.

The point is, you must have the intent on freeing yourself from the control of your ego mind, being in touch with your true Buddha self, and doing whatever is necessary to implement that intent. You will always have weak moments; we are all humans. But at least even if you are initially unaware, on reflection you will see very clearly what happened and it will be a learning experience, albeit a painful one. And you will be able to make amends.

Personal Boundaries as Part of a Buddhist Life

11/28/2019

Many people approaching Buddhism and even many practicing Buddhists have difficulty with the concept of oneness, as well as the corresponding teaching of selflessness, always thinking of others. Similarly to the difficulty they have with the concept of no-self.

Now, most of the pushback that people experience with these concepts is just an example of the ego-mind at work. Obviously the ego is threatened by such perspectives.

But even those who are relatively free of the control of their ego-mind have difficulty with these concepts; precisely because they understand that there is another self, their true self. With this broader understanding of self, these concepts are at best confusing or make no sense.

Resolution: As I’ve stated in my writings, these concepts distort the Buddha dharma. As I explain in my post, “The Misleading Teaching of No-Self,” this is not something the Buddha ever taught. What he taught is that the emotions that flow from the ego-mind are “not self.” So each of us has a self, but it’s not the ego self, it is our true Buddha nature.

Likewise, as I explain in my post, “It’s No Crime to Think about Oneself!” Buddhism is first and foremost about taking care of oneself. When the Buddha first turned the wheel of the dharma and taught The Four Noble Truths, it was about how to relieve oneself of suffering. That is the purpose of Buddhism.

We are taught to offer others joy because, besides being the right thing to do, it is one way we loosen the egocentric grip of our mind. Being selfless does not mean not thinking about one’s true self, one’s needs. Buddhist teaching would never have you do something which harms yourself or which is not in your spiritual self-interest. Selfless means not being selfish. There is a big difference. All Buddhist teaching should be seen in this context of how it aids freeing oneself from the control of the ego-mind and thus from suffering.

The ego-mind will of course still feel attacked by these concepts. As the Buddha said, “To be free of the conceit, I am, is the ultimate freedom.” But those who understand that they have another self, their true Buddha self, will no longer find these teachings a barrier.

Until now, most of my writing on this subject has been to negate common misleading teaching. But I realize that more is required. It is absolutely essential to making progress on the Buddhist path that one thinks about oneself, is there for oneself, that one has boundaries. This is not the ego-mind at work, this is necessary to make spiritual progress.

When I wrote my first book, The Self in No Self, I subtitled it, Buddhist Heresies. Because these concepts I just voiced in the previous paragraph would be taken as being heresy by many Buddhist teachers and certainly it’s the opposite of what students are typically taught.

That must end. We live in an environment very hostile to spirituality. Our contemporary culture espouses, encourages, the very opposite of The Noble Eightfold Path. To find the strength and courage to be in the world and yet keep it and your ego-mind at bay, one must think about one’s spiritual needs, one must as the Buddha taught take refuge in yourself and no one else, one must have boundaries … know where you end and the rest of the world starts.

Yes, that sounds like the very opposite of oneness. But what is oneness? To me oneness refers to the fact that we all are human, we all suffer … everyone. We have that in common and so we learn to have compassion for all people. This concept of oneness is not in any way diminished or contradicted by what I am saying about thinking about oneself and having boundaries.

So I advocate the following teaching. Know that your true self is your true Buddha nature, not your ego-mind. And be aware of the space that true self needs to grow roots and become strong. Think of what your true self needs to flourish; think of the boundaries you need to create between yourself and the world around you so that your true self is not overwhelmed by the crush of the culture’s power and your daily experiences.

Create a personal energy bubble that will always surround you as you make your way through life, protecting you from the negative energy in your environment and your ego-mind and instead allowing you to feel and project positive energy to all. (See my post, “Change Your Life by Changing the Direction of Its Energy Flow.”) Create the spiritual perspective that will enable you to greatly reduce your suffering (see my posts, “Right Attitude” and “The Heart’s Embrace”).

All of this spiritual work requires a very strong sense of self … of your true self, your true Buddha nature. It is the faith that flows from that sense of self that will enable you to have the strength not to be deflected from the spiritual path by the negative energy of your ego-mind, the surrounding culture and your daily experiences.

Faith Even When You Are Dependent on Others

11/23/2019

Faith in Buddhism means having faith in yourself, taking refuge in your true Buddha self. Because then you know that you have everything you need inside yourself to be at peace and happy. Because then you know that regardless what life throws your way, you will be ok, safe, because you have returned home and will always return home to your true Buddha self.

But what happens when you undertake a project where its success is dependent on the actions of others? The only way to maintain your serenity in this type of situation … because you cannot have faith in others, it’s an often nasty, undependable world out there … is to undertake the project with no attachment. Which is saying to yourself, if it happens great, if it doesn’t happen that’s ok too. Because you know again that you have everything you need inside yourself to be at peace and happy, and so you know you will be ok, safe, regardless.

But what if this project is important to your financial wellbeing. Not becoming rich and famous, but just standing on your own two feet? Your ego-mind will place huge stress on you; you will not be able to view anything regarding the progress of this project with equanimity. It won’t let you say, if it happens great, if it doesn’t that’s ok too. You will have no peace.

You say though that the facts are such that this isn’t your ego saying what it wants. This is real. You need this project to happen to be financially safe.

But this is your ego-mind talking. Because your heart knows that even if this doesn’t happen, one way or the other, you will be ok. You may not be able to do or live in the way that you/your mind wants you to be able to live, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be ok, safe, happy. What it does mean is that you have to practice The Heart’s Embrace (see my post of that title). Only then will you not suffer and instead experience peace and happiness.

When you approach your project with equanimity, without attachment, you will be able to proceed, to experience rejection, and not have it turn your gut inside out. You will be free of feelings of anger and negativity towards those you are dealing with. This change your reaction will seem like a miracle, but it isn’t, you’ve just turned your will and your life over to your true Buddha nature and embraced all aspects of your life.

Right Attitude

11/9/2019

An important part of the process of freeing yourself from the control of your ego-mind is being in touch with your true Buddha self, your heart. Even in the beginning of one’s practice, where for the most part one is still under the control of the ego-mind, having moments where the light of your true self comes through is critically important. It helps keep you motivated, committed, to following the path and meeting all the challenges that come up.

In the beginning, regardless how strongly you respond intellectually to the teachings of the Buddha, it will have little practical impact on your daily life because the power of your ego-mind is so great, its roots go so deep inside you. You will still suffer. However, that positive intellectual response to the teaching, which is the foundation of faith, can be put to work by developing Right Attitude.

A brief word about your continuing suffering. Many Buddhists, whether newly committed or practicing for years, feel defeated or disappointed because despite their meditation they continue to suffer. Freeing yourself from suffering is not an easy matter. It takes years of disciplined practice, even with the right teaching and approach. If you approach your Buddhism in an undisciplined manner, which many Buddhists do, or if you are not applying wise teaching, you will never get far past the stage of gaining more calm in your life.

Right Attitude is my take on a Buddhist approach to your relationship with yourself and the world around you. It is a means towards implementing the Noble Eightfold Path. As such it encompasses all the key elements of the Buddha dharma.

How, the reader may well ask, does one adopt Right Attitude early in ones practice when the ego-mind still has such a powerful hold on our thoughts and the actions we take? The answer I would provide is: affirmations.

When you make the decision to walk the Buddhist path, you are making a decision to change the paradigms that have governed your life. The Buddhist path is for most people the antithesis of how they have related to themselves and the world around them. Someone may be a good person and treat others well, but even such a person has a lot of suffering and trauma inside them from their life experiences that impact the thoughts they think and the actions they take. We all deal with basic feelings of insecurity.

Recognizing the challenge of changing my life’s paradigms, I decided early on that I would recite affirmations daily as part of my meditation practice that reaffirmed my Buddhist attitude, my intention to follow the Buddha dharma. As the years progressed and my knowledge of the dharma and my experience have grown deeper, those affirmations have grown as well.

As an example … I am not saying that you should recite these affirmations, everyone should develop their own because they need to come from your understanding of the dharma … I am going to relate my affirmations to you in their entirety. Yes, it’s lengthy, but it takes me through the whole process of freeing myself from my ego-mind every morning, and I have benefited greatly from this daily focus. The other benefit is that as I recite these affirmations/mantras, if something occurred during the previous day that was not in accord with my intent, I become very aware of it and it becomes a teachable moment.

My affirmations. When I do my walking meditation (which comes before I sit), this is what I say (to myself):

Breathing in I’m aware I’m breathing in.
Breathing out I’m aware I’m breathing out.

Breathing in I’m aware that my life is exactly the way it is right now because it’s just the way it is.
Breathing out I release all desires that my life be different in any way from the way it is right now and am happy and content in the moment free of all frustration. It’s all ok.

Breathing in I’m aware that all things are impermanent and changeable.
Breathing out, I release all attachments, even to life itself, and take joy in every moment free of all frustration.

I’m aware of the suffering caused by feelings and perceptions and yet I know that they are just a product of my mind. And so I say to them, “Not me!” And in truth I know that I I will be ok regardless what life throws my way, because I have and will always return home to my unborn Buddha mind, my unwounded heart, and so be at peace and happy.

Breathing in I go deep within myself … past my thoughts, my learned experience, my ego-mind … to my true Buddha self (I see in my mind’s eye the photo of my smiling toddler). I embrace my true Buddha self, am one with it, and so return home to my heart, to my unborn Buddha mind. I turn my will and my life over to its care and so see myself and the world around me through the eyes of my true Buddha self, my unwounded heart filled with joy and positive energy and the neutrality of my senses, the equanimity of my Third Eye.

I say to my true Buddha self, “Hello, I’m coming home.” He reaches out his hand and I take it. And he leads me out of my ego-mind’s world of darkness, fear and anxiety, doubt and confusion, guilt and shame, to my true self’s world of light.

When faith and mind are not separate, and not separate are mind and faith, this is beyond all words, all thought, for here there is no yesterday, no tomorrow, to today, there is only the present moment. This is the only reality. All else is thought.

I’m aware of the emptiness of all feelings and perceptions, and say to them all, “not me!” (Then I list them, and after each say, “not me!”) Fear. Insecurity. Anxiety. Lack of faith. Doubt and confusion. Feeling unworthy of love. Frustration. Judgmental. (These are mine.)

Instead I know that my true self is my heart. And that my heart is light, love, faith, trust, compassion, humility, gratitude, joy, strength, courage and wisdom. And wisdom is going deep within and knowing that my ego-mind is not my true self. All emotions, judgments, cravings, and attachments flow from my ego-mind and so are not my true self. They weaken me and cause me suffering. And so I do not engage my feelings and perceptions and instead go deep within myself to seek guidance from my heart, my true Buddha self. I have compassion for myself and love myself unconditionally.

I’m aware of the suffering caused by attachment to feelings and perceptions, and so again I know these are not me, they are not myself, for myself would not cause me suffering, and so I say to all attachments, “not me!” Instead I let them go, do not engage them, and return home to my heart. (On the words “let them go” and “not engage” I breathe out forcefully.)

I/my true Buddha self opens my heart and embraces all aspects of my being and experience … past—all trauma; present—things are the way they are because it’s just the way it is, it’s all ok; and future—que sera sera, I know I will be ok regardless what life throws my way … and so nothing offends, all internal and external struggles cease to be. I know I have everything I need inside myself to be at peace and happy and allow nothing to disturb my peace and happiness.

I/my true Buddha self observes myself and the world around me through my heart, not my mind. Through the positive energy of my heart and the neutrality of my senses. Free of worries and concerns. Full of faith. And if the mind asserts itself, I say, no, and return to my heart.

I/my true Buddha self opens up the wellspring of loving kindness in my heart and so compassion flows outward and I am a light unto myself, my inner child, and all others.

I/my true Buddha self is present and grateful every moment of the day and takes pleasure in each passing moment.

I/my true Buddha self allows me to live life well, which is to be at peace and happy.

And so free of mental obstructions, I experience all things directly, with dispassion, free of labels, free of the intervention of my thinking mind, knowing that things are the way they are because it’s just the way it is. It’s all ok. And so my mind rests undisturbed. And when the mind rests undisturbed, nothing offends, and when nothing offends, all obstructions cease to be.

True faith pervades my mind, I know that I have everything I need inside myself to be at peace and happy, all’s self-revealing and clear without exerting power of mind.

And so at peace, I am open to receiving all that the present moment has to offer, am grateful, and find happiness in the moment.

I know that I have nothing to prove. My only purpose in life is to offer myself and others joy. I offer myself joy by taking pleasure in each passing moment, being in touch with the positive energy in my heart, releasing all desire that my life be different in any way from the way it is right now, and being aware of all the things I am grateful for.

And I know that all I need to be happy is to offer myself and others joy. To be in the company of loved ones and friends. To respect my mind. To respect my body. To be in touch with nature. And live within my means.

I am happy and content in the present and know that all will be well regardless what life throws my way because I have and will always return home to my unborn Buddha mind and be at peace and happy.

Breathing in I breathe in positive thoughts.
Breathing out I release all negativity.

Breathing in I believe in the teachings of the Buddha.
Breathing out I release all doubt.
Breathing in I believe in my own true Buddha nature.
Breathing out I release all doubt. I have faith in myself.

Lord, grant me the serenity to understand the things I cannot change, which is how I relate to myself and the world around me, and the serenity to just be, to release all desires that my life be different in any way from the way it is right now. And the courage to change the things I can, which is how I relate to myself and others … the thoughts I think, the words I speak, and the actions I take. And the wisdom to know the difference.

Freeing Yourself from Attachments

10/30/2019

Most of us are attached to an endless list of people, emotions, things. They have become such a part of us, of our ego, that we cannot imagine life without them. This causes us suffering, whether the things we attach to are positive or negative, because all things are impermanent by their very nature and thus we fear that we will lose what we are attached to.

The key to freeing yourself from attachment is knowing that you will be ok, safe, even if what you are attached to disappears. And one cannot do that without having faith that you will be ok regardless what life throws your way. This is of course contrary to everything we’ve been raised to believe, to our life experience (unless we examine it very carefully).

The way out of this conundrum and into the light is practicing The Heart’s Embrace (see my post of that title). Only then, when nothing offends, when your mind rests undisturbed, can you feel/know that you will be ok regardless what happens, que sera sera.

And when you know that, you are able to drop your attachment even to someone you love very dearly. This does not mean that you love the person any less. It means that you are not attached to that love; you know that if something should happen that takes that person away from you, be it death or something else, you will be ok.

Then there is the deepest attachment of all, and that is to life. Even that attachment I’ve dropped. Inspired by the story of a monk who every night turned a cup on his nightstand upside down in recognition of the fact that he might not wake, I have a practice where I turn a photo of my family on its face before going to bed and say, “I do not fear death for death is a natural part of life. It can come at any time, and when it does I will be prepared for I know that I have lived a good life: I have made a difference in other people’s lives and offered joy to others.” I have found that to be a very freeing practice.

This is another example of the truth I have quoted often from an ancient Chinese poem, “Affirming Faith in Mind.” “When faith and mind are not separate, and not separate are mind and faith, this is beyond all words, all thought. For here there is no yesterday, no tomorrow, no today; there is only the present moment, all else is thought.”

People often ask how one can have faith in a world like ours, how can one have faith that you will be ok regardless what happens. The answer is in two parts. The first is that the faith spoken of here is not faith in anyone other than yourself. It is the faith that by returning to your true Buddha self free of your ego-mind, nothing can harm your spirit, nothing can disturb your peace and happiness. If one doesn’t act out of fear, if the mind rests undisturbed, then you will be ok.

The other part is knowing what being ok, being safe means spiritually. As related in my post, “Safety Defined,” while for most people being safe means free of external harm, to a Buddhist, being safe means free of mental suffering. We can’t change the world, we cannot keep harmful things from happening to us, but we can prevent our suffering because that is a mental state. That is a product of our ego-mind, not our heart, our true Buddha self.

It’s Just the Way It Is and It’s All OK

10/20/2019

Many years ago, I received an important teaching from a Theravadan monk. In answer to a question of mine, “Why ….?” he said, “It’s just the way it is.” In my previous post of that title, I explained how valuable that perspective has been to providing me with greater serenity and helping to free me from control of my ego-mind and suffering.

Recently, when my partner and I were discussing something that was potentially annoying or frustrating, and I said, “It’s just the way it is,” he said “It’s all ok.” That phrase resonated with me; it adds a valuable perspective to knowing that things are the way they are because it’s just the way it is, free of any value judgments.

By saying “It’s all ok,” you are connecting with your faith, faith you will be ok, safe, regardless what life throws your way. That at the end of the day, one way or the other, it will all work out.

There is a line from my favorite ancient Chinese poem, “Affirming Faith in Mind,” that says, “When faith and mind are not separate, and not separate are mind and faith, this is beyond all words, all thought, for here there is no yesterday, no tomorrow, no today. There is only the present moment, all else is thought.”

This is the faith of your true Buddha self. In this space, all is revealing without exerting power of mind. In this space, you know you have everything you need inside yourself to be at peace and happy. It’s all ok.

How to Observe Through the Eyes of Your True Buddha Self

10/6/2019

When the Buddha set turning the wheel of the dharma for the first time, he taught the Four Noble Truths, saying that suffering is the result of our cravings and emotions. And that the way to end our suffering is to be free of those emotions and cravings.

How does one become free of a craving, relinquish it? Since cravings and emotions are a product of our ego-mind, how it reacts to our life experiences, that requires freeing oneself from the control of our ego-mind. As the Buddha said at another point, to be free of the conceit, “I am,” is the ultimate freedom. (See my post, “The Four Noble Truths.”)

As I relate in my post, “The Fourfold Path to Freedom,” central to this process of freeing oneself is surrendering one’s ego-mind to one’s true Buddha nature, turning one’s will and life over to the care of one’s true Buddha nature. The ego-mind cannot be transformed; it’s a matter of disassociating from it.

The books I’ve written, as well as my posts, are mostly about how to practically implement this process of freeing oneself and connecting instead with our true Buddha self. My morning mantras/affirmations are part of that process.

For example, I say in my morning mantras that I embrace and am one with my true Buddha self and so return home to my heart, my unborn Buddha mind, turn my will and my life over it its care, and thus see myself and the world around me through the eyes of my true Buddha self.

But what does that mean practically, how do you see things through the eyes of your true Buddha self? It means that I observe everything through my unwounded heart, full of joy and positive energy. (I think of the photos of me as a smiling toddler, who is the avatar of my true Buddha self. See my post, “Getting to Know Your True Buddha Self.”) It means that I observe through the neutrality of my senses, the equanimity of my Third Eye, free of worries and concerns, full of faith.

Ah, but how do you enable, empower, yourself to do that? That is the central question of much Buddhist teaching. It is the essence of being free of the control of your ego-mind.

I have discovered two answers to this question. The first is related in my post, “Seeing Things through the Eyes of My True Buddha Self.” This relates an easy to implement practice that works especially well when observing people. Basically, smiling and saying “hello” to everyone in your mind, observing them with compassion, and seeing them as they were as a smiling toddler. But it is by its nature of the moment, it is transitory.

The way to see all of life through the eyes of your true Buddha self is to practice the Heart’s Embrace (see my post, “The Heart’s Embrace”). When you open your heart, connecting with your true Buddha self, and embrace all aspects of your being and experience … past, present, and future … then nothing offends, all internal and external struggles cease, you know you have everything you need inside yourself to be at peace and happy and will allow nothing to disturb your peace and happiness. And so free of mental obstructions, you experience all things directly, with dispassion, with equanimity, free of the intervention of your ego-mind, knowing that things are the way they are because it’s just the way it is, all is ok, and so your mind rests undisturbed. And when the mind rests undisturbed, nothing offends, and when no thing can give offense, all obstructions cease to be, and so true faith pervades your mind.

My mantra continues … and when my ego-mind asserts itself, I say, no, and return to my heart. That is, as soon as I am aware of feeling any worry or concern, any lack of faith, that is a red flag that tells me that my ego-mind is asserting itself, because fear and lack of faith are a product of the ego-mind. It is that straight forward. Nothing positive flows from the ego-mind. We have been brainwashed to feeling that our ego protects us, but it is not so. It weakens us and causes us suffering.

As always, I must state clearly that this does not mean that we are not aware of the situations we are in; it means that we have no fear and do not act out of fear. We have strength and courage and make sound judgments based on equanimity and non-attachment, knowing that if what we try to achieve happens, that’s great, and if it doesn’t, that’s ok too, in the sense that we will be safe regardless because we have returned home and will always return home to our unborn Buddha mind.

To be in such a mental state, to see things through the eyes of your true Buddha self, is indeed the ultimate freedom. I am certainly not there 24/7, but I am there much of the time.

I’m Grateful To Be a Jubu

9/28/2019

What is a Jubu you may well ask. A Jubu is a Jewish Buddhist. Let me tell you why I am grateful to be one.

While the goal of Christianity is salvation - you follow God’s commandments/Christ’s teaching in order to go to heaven after you die rather than face the fires of hell or land in limbo - the goal of Judaism is very different. Its goal is for you to walk the path of God both to honor God and because it’s just the way to conduct oneself. Judaism is all about the here and now. While there is a Jewish afterlife, it is rarely discussed in modern Judaism.

Another way of explaining the goal of Judaism is to say that God wants you to be a “mensch.” Mensch is a Yiddish word that basically means a decent human being, someone who acts with kindness towards his fellow man and leads an ethical life. This has in modern times become more of a social inheritance than a religious one. For example, I definitely learned to be a mensch from my parents, not from my involvement with Judaism as a youth. This is basically why most Jews are Democrats; they have a more liberal, caring disposition to the lot of their fellow man.

But being a mensch, regardless of how decent you are, does not free you from psychic suffering. That’s where Buddhism comes in. The goal of Buddhism is to end our suffering. (See my post, “The Goal of Buddhism.”)

I should note that Kabbalah, the mystical tradition of Judaism, teaches much the same lesson as Buddhism, but I was never exposed to Kabbalah and regardless, I do not believe in the God of my forefathers, a God who you pray to, who secures things for you, who manipulates the world, and so I could never involve myself in Jewish practice and prayer.

Now one could say that if you walk the Buddhist path, you are a decent human being. If you follow the Five Precepts and the Six Paramitas you certainly are. But there is an emotional side, a passion, to being a mensch that does not exist, I believe, in Buddhism. A Jew, a mensch, is anything but dispassionate.

A Buddhist, if he successfully walks the path, views all things with dispassion. But while I view virtually all things with dispassion, and am very grateful for that because it is an important aspect of freeing myself from my ego-mind and suffering, I maintain the passion of a mensch regarding the work that I do to help others.

I thus can think of no more satisfying existence than being a combination of a mensch and a Buddhist.

The Goal of Buddhism

9/20/2019

When the Buddha set turning the wheel of the Dharma, his first teaching was about suffering: the fact of it, the cause of our suffering, how to end our suffering, and the path to reach that end. All of the dharma should be seen in that context.

We offer others joy and see other’s joy as our own because this helps end our suffering. Yes, it brings joy to others which is a good thing, but the central point is that it ends our suffering because it helps free us from our ego-centricity. The same goes for having compassion for all beings. The Five Precepts, again while they certainly benefit others and the environment, are necessary actions to end our suffering.

Key to enabling us to take the actions that end our suffering … to have the courage to change the way we relate to ourselves and others … is understanding the dependent origination of all things and their impermanence. Most particularly, knowing that all our emotions, judgments, cravings, and attachments are products of our ego-mind; they have no inherent existence. They certainly feel very real to us, but they are not a reflection of reality. Our knowledge of ourselves and all things is thus flawed.

These emotions and cravings - how we relate to our experience - not the experience itself are what cause us to suffer. We suffer because of how we process our life experiences. Two people can experience the same thing, and yet one reacts to it one way, let’s say with anger or fear, and suffers, while the other reacts to it with dispassion, free of labels, knowing it’s just the way it is, and so he does not suffer.

But two keys are needed to unlock our inner peace and happiness. The other key is our belief in our true Buddha nature. We are each born with the Buddha nature inside us. (This is the same teaching as the mystical tradition of the three Abrahamic faiths, although in their context it is called, “divine essence.”)

What happens after birth, and especially during our formative years when the ego develops, is that our Buddha nature, which I have found to be a passive force, gets buried under the weight of our very aggressive ego-mind’s reaction to our life experiences. And so we typically grow up insecure and having a very negative outlook on much of life.

In order to take our understanding of the lack of inherent existence, the emptiness, of our feelings and perceptions and end our suffering, we need to be able to say that our ego-mind is not our true self. And that therefore all our emotions and cravings are not our true self, and instead weaken us and cause us suffering. We need to be able to say, “Not me!” And to do that, we have to know and have faith in what our true self is … our true Buddha nature. Because if we are not our ego, than who are we? We must know the answer.

Most Buddhist writing just talks about the first key. Why do I place equal emphasis on the second? The answer can be found in the story I read in The New York Times years ago that caused me to write my first Buddhist book, The Self in No Self. A Zen master, an obviously advanced student of Buddhism, found after 35 years of study that the Buddhist concept of no-self and the corresponding unity of all things left him feeling like “an invisible man,” lacking perversely any feeling of unity with himself. And so he went to see a psychiatrist! (see “Enlightenment Therapy,” Chip Brown, The New York Times Magazine, April 23, 2009)

But as I explain in my posts, “The Misleading Teaching of No Self” and “Self Re-examined,” the Buddha never taught that there is no self. He did explain what is “not self” … namely whatever causes us suffering, all the emotions and cravings that flow from the ego-mind. I would argue that the very phrase “not self” implies that the Buddha believed that there was a true self, that is the point of reference, although he never spoke to that issue.

It is this faith that enables us to have the courage to disassociate ourselves from the conventional reality of our ego-mind and understand the true reality of our experiences and the universe.

This is the lesson taught to me by the Ven. Huyen Te and Ven. Thai Tue, two Vietnamese Zen monks whose view of the dharma I was fortunate to be exposed to while living in rural Michigan during the first decade of my practice. I summarized their teaching as “The Fourfold Path to Freedom,” related in The Self in No Self and Scratching the Itch, as well as my post, “The Fourfold Path to Freedom.”

The monk once said to us that the choice is ours. We have but to surrender our ego to our true Buddha nature. Hah! That makes it sound so simple and straight forward, but it is anything but that. The choice is indeed ours, but the challenge is great because of the deeply-rooted strength of our ego-mind in our psyche. But through a disciplined meditation practice and a disciplined approach to life we can slowly, incrementally, free ourselves from our ego-mind, end our suffering, and find the inner peace and happiness that is our birthright. (See my post, “The Choice Is Yours.”)