When I read the nine false core beliefs (all nine are listed at the end of the post), I knew which one was mine, “There must be something wrong with me.” In one way, this was not a revelation to me because I have been aware for many years that this belief had a major negative impact on my childhood. But it was a revelation in that I now understood why I did not feel happy despite all the progress I had made on the path, why my face has been in a perpetual frown. I had not “connected the dots.”
This false core belief was so deeply embedded in my ego-mind that no matter how far my spiritual practice had come, this belief still controlled the overall ambiance of my persona. Thus I always felt there was some grayness surrounding me.
When I was fighting my perpetual frown and trying to rid myself of it, it only made this false core belief stronger. As the ancient Chinese poem "Affirming Faith in Mind" says, "seek rest and no rest comes instead."
But after I read of this false core belief, knowing it was mine, and opened up my heart to embrace all aspects of my being, my heart took this aspect of my psyche which was so deep it was in my bones and removed all internal struggle. It sort of smothered this negative feeling with love. I was made whole.
Now I have added the following to my morning mantras: “I am aware of the suffering caused by feeling that there is something wrong with me, and yet I know that feeling is just a product of my mind. And so I say to it, ‘Not me!’ And in truth I know that there is nothing wrong with me. I am a normal human being with my weaknesses and strengths, getting through life as best I can.”
When I say these words it is cathartic. I feel a burden is being lifted from me. For the most part, I no longer feel grayness enveloping me; my face is not in a perpetual frown. Instead I feel the joyfulness of my true Buddha nature, the well-spring of loving kindness, flow outward from my heart to myself and all those around me. And when I’m not in that space, I usually sense it very quickly and return to it.
The nine false core beliefs:
1. There must be something wrong with me.
2. I am worthless.
3. I have an inability to do …
4. I’m inadequate.
5. I don’t exist.
6. I’m alone.
7. I’m incomplete, there is something missing.
8. I am powerless.
9. There is no love - it’s a loveless world.