There are all sorts of reasons why people, including those on the Buddhist path, do not accept their life as it is at this moment or was in the past. We are angry and self-righteous about how we have been dealt with, mistreated, whether by our family or the world. And for most people, displaying that anger is a way of defending themselves, of saying I'm not going to put up with this anymore.
But what does the lack of acceptance accomplish? How does it move one's life forward? The answer is that it does not move one's life forward.
It does nothing but cause suffering because lack of acceptance is the source of our cravings. And cravings are the source of our fear of what will happen if we don't achieve what we feel we must have. And it is that very fear that holds us back from doing what we need to do to achieve our goals; fear incapacitates us. As the saying goes, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."
Thus ironically, our lack of acceptance actually makes it almost impossible for us to escape our current situation. On the other hand, if one accepts the present and the past as being just the way it is/was, you are put in a calm, relaxed state.
Before going further, I must clarify for you what "acceptance" means or implies, because there is a lot of misunderstanding and that is a large part of the problem. It does not mean saying that you feel something is good, fair, or right. It does not mean forgiveness. It just means saying, that's the way it is. No value judgment. You can feel that something is wrong, but at the same time say it's just the way it is. The point is to have equanimity about it, rather than an emotional reaction.
For example, let's say you were neglected as a child Acceptance means saying that it's just the way it was. You feel it was wrong, you feel hurt, but you do not react emotionally. You do what you need to do now, calmly, to make yourself strong. Just to be clear, though, revenge is never an unemotional response, even if you proceed calmly. You are hurting someone.
When you practice acceptance, nothing about the past or the present offends you. So you are able to approach your life and any changes you choose to make with equanimity. Such desires do not generate fear because your attitude is not, "I must have this." Instead, it's "It's great if it happens, but if it doesn't, that's ok too." And so you are able to exercise good judgment, act in your best interest, and be more likely to achieve your goal.
Lack of acceptance is being self-indulgent. Acceptance is being strong. Lack of acceptance brings suffering. Acceptance brings peace.
You have a choice to make. Which will it be?
But what does the lack of acceptance accomplish? How does it move one's life forward? The answer is that it does not move one's life forward.
It does nothing but cause suffering because lack of acceptance is the source of our cravings. And cravings are the source of our fear of what will happen if we don't achieve what we feel we must have. And it is that very fear that holds us back from doing what we need to do to achieve our goals; fear incapacitates us. As the saying goes, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."
Thus ironically, our lack of acceptance actually makes it almost impossible for us to escape our current situation. On the other hand, if one accepts the present and the past as being just the way it is/was, you are put in a calm, relaxed state.
Before going further, I must clarify for you what "acceptance" means or implies, because there is a lot of misunderstanding and that is a large part of the problem. It does not mean saying that you feel something is good, fair, or right. It does not mean forgiveness. It just means saying, that's the way it is. No value judgment. You can feel that something is wrong, but at the same time say it's just the way it is. The point is to have equanimity about it, rather than an emotional reaction.
For example, let's say you were neglected as a child Acceptance means saying that it's just the way it was. You feel it was wrong, you feel hurt, but you do not react emotionally. You do what you need to do now, calmly, to make yourself strong. Just to be clear, though, revenge is never an unemotional response, even if you proceed calmly. You are hurting someone.
When you practice acceptance, nothing about the past or the present offends you. So you are able to approach your life and any changes you choose to make with equanimity. Such desires do not generate fear because your attitude is not, "I must have this." Instead, it's "It's great if it happens, but if it doesn't, that's ok too." And so you are able to exercise good judgment, act in your best interest, and be more likely to achieve your goal.
Lack of acceptance is being self-indulgent. Acceptance is being strong. Lack of acceptance brings suffering. Acceptance brings peace.
You have a choice to make. Which will it be?
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