I have always been a very principled person; I have strong beliefs and I have felt it was important to express those beliefs in various settings. I felt I was right and that my voice was important to be heard.
On the other hand, in each job I have had in my long career (literally, each and every one), I eventually came up against a superior or someone in the organization that disapproved of what I was saying (previously I was consistently seen as the golden boy who did superlative work) and I decided to leave my job rather than continuing, muzzled.
I reflected on this history this morning because the other night I counseled a friend that you can't change people or the world. The only thing you can change is how you relate to yourself and others. This is a Buddhist maxim.
When I woke up this morning, I realized that while I have always blamed those who disapproved of my thoughts—calling them small—for my leaving these jobs, really the fault was that my ego was so connected with my being right that it wouldn't stand for bowing to pressure from a superior to stop saying what I thought was right or needed.
I left not because I was right/good and they were wrong/bad, but because I refused to change my relationship to those around me: to continue in a low key way doing what I thought was right, not being confrontational.
But then a voice within me countered that I was a person of light and that others—the world—needed to hear what I had to say, regardless of the consequences for me. While this seemed to be coming from god, I think it was in reality my ego in disguise.
It may well be my purpose in life to do good work, to help others, to bring light, but it is not my purpose to revolutionize a workplace or the world. My purpose is more modest in scope—to change my life and to bring light to those around me, if they ask (see my post, "Letting Others Go Their Way."). That is the real voice of god within me.
I think it was Pema Chodron who said in one of her books that if you fight reality, you will have a miserable life. While I did not have a miserable life, I certainly have had a life that created many difficulties for me.
But then there came another counterpoint in this analysis: if I had not left all these jobs, I would not have had some of the life-changing experiences that I have had—whether its people I've met, finding Buddhism, or finding god. That argues that these happenstances (my deciding to leave these employments) were all part of my fulfilling the Universe's purpose for me.
And yet there's no question in my mind that it is more in keeping with the Universe's guidance that I keep a lower profile, as I have more recently, with my goal being peace and happiness—knowing that things are the way they are because it's just the way it is. And turning my will and my life over to the care of the child of the Universe within me—when faith and mind are not separate, and not separate are mind and faith. It's all about faith and humility.
Life would have certainly turned out differently (or I assume it would have) had I adopted my current philosophy early on, but there's no question in my heart that the Universe would still have led me to a place I was meant to be and be at peace and happy.
Life is a puzzlement!
On the other hand, in each job I have had in my long career (literally, each and every one), I eventually came up against a superior or someone in the organization that disapproved of what I was saying (previously I was consistently seen as the golden boy who did superlative work) and I decided to leave my job rather than continuing, muzzled.
I reflected on this history this morning because the other night I counseled a friend that you can't change people or the world. The only thing you can change is how you relate to yourself and others. This is a Buddhist maxim.
When I woke up this morning, I realized that while I have always blamed those who disapproved of my thoughts—calling them small—for my leaving these jobs, really the fault was that my ego was so connected with my being right that it wouldn't stand for bowing to pressure from a superior to stop saying what I thought was right or needed.
I left not because I was right/good and they were wrong/bad, but because I refused to change my relationship to those around me: to continue in a low key way doing what I thought was right, not being confrontational.
But then a voice within me countered that I was a person of light and that others—the world—needed to hear what I had to say, regardless of the consequences for me. While this seemed to be coming from god, I think it was in reality my ego in disguise.
It may well be my purpose in life to do good work, to help others, to bring light, but it is not my purpose to revolutionize a workplace or the world. My purpose is more modest in scope—to change my life and to bring light to those around me, if they ask (see my post, "Letting Others Go Their Way."). That is the real voice of god within me.
I think it was Pema Chodron who said in one of her books that if you fight reality, you will have a miserable life. While I did not have a miserable life, I certainly have had a life that created many difficulties for me.
But then there came another counterpoint in this analysis: if I had not left all these jobs, I would not have had some of the life-changing experiences that I have had—whether its people I've met, finding Buddhism, or finding god. That argues that these happenstances (my deciding to leave these employments) were all part of my fulfilling the Universe's purpose for me.
And yet there's no question in my mind that it is more in keeping with the Universe's guidance that I keep a lower profile, as I have more recently, with my goal being peace and happiness—knowing that things are the way they are because it's just the way it is. And turning my will and my life over to the care of the child of the Universe within me—when faith and mind are not separate, and not separate are mind and faith. It's all about faith and humility.
Life would have certainly turned out differently (or I assume it would have) had I adopted my current philosophy early on, but there's no question in my heart that the Universe would still have led me to a place I was meant to be and be at peace and happy.
Life is a puzzlement!
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