Several years ago, I wrote a post, "Burying Your Identity." This was a follow-up to teaching I had received that in order to do what you are meant to do, you need to get rid of your old self, your false self, your ego, and create a new self, a new subconscious for your self. In my case, since I had taken a Dharma name when I took my precepts many years ago, that Dharma name, Hanh Niêm, which means "virtue of mindfulness," was connected with my true self, my unborn Buddha mind, the child of the universe within me. And so I took that identity and buried Ronnie.
But I found that burying my false self, my ego, did not work; And so I looked to other practices to free myself from my false self. But as you know if you've been reading this blog, they did not work either. Recently, I realized why burying my false self didn't work. It's like when someone with great influence over you, for good or bad, dies. His or her death doesn't lessen the influence over you. And so burying Ronnie didn't work.
Instead, I realized that what I needed to do was separate myself from Ronnie, disassociate myself from him completely, as I had from my family several years before. And for the same reason. They had harmed me in a major way. So to had Ronnie, continually. I don't feel estranged from them; they just don't exist for me any more as family. So to with Ronnie.
And so Ronnie no longer exists for me. His mind does not exist. His ego does not exist. He is not a part of me. And I feel a huge sense of relief and freedom.
Yet I know without doubt that Ronnie will make every effort and take every opportunity to sneak back into my life, and by taking control of me if only for an instant, cause me suffering. And indeed he has. He will not do this to cause me suffering, but that will be the effect of his control.
So even though I have banished him from my world, I will still need to be vigilant. And unfortunately, he is not transparent like Mara was in his attempts to influence the Buddha, he sneaks up on me so that I am not aware he has taken control until after the fact, and that doesn't help me.
What I must do is what I said many years ago in a post, "Changing Your Life By Changing the Direction of Your Energy Flow." I must radiate light from my connection to the child of the universe within me and so create a forcefield around me that Ronnie's ego-mind, mara, and the devil cannot penetrate.
That has worked when I think of it, but I need to be in that space 24/7 to protect myself. I know this is the right path. And with my work on my humility. which I will report on in a future post, I have reason to have faith that this can be achieved.
But I found that burying my false self, my ego, did not work; And so I looked to other practices to free myself from my false self. But as you know if you've been reading this blog, they did not work either. Recently, I realized why burying my false self didn't work. It's like when someone with great influence over you, for good or bad, dies. His or her death doesn't lessen the influence over you. And so burying Ronnie didn't work.
Instead, I realized that what I needed to do was separate myself from Ronnie, disassociate myself from him completely, as I had from my family several years before. And for the same reason. They had harmed me in a major way. So to had Ronnie, continually. I don't feel estranged from them; they just don't exist for me any more as family. So to with Ronnie.
And so Ronnie no longer exists for me. His mind does not exist. His ego does not exist. He is not a part of me. And I feel a huge sense of relief and freedom.
Yet I know without doubt that Ronnie will make every effort and take every opportunity to sneak back into my life, and by taking control of me if only for an instant, cause me suffering. And indeed he has. He will not do this to cause me suffering, but that will be the effect of his control.
So even though I have banished him from my world, I will still need to be vigilant. And unfortunately, he is not transparent like Mara was in his attempts to influence the Buddha, he sneaks up on me so that I am not aware he has taken control until after the fact, and that doesn't help me.
What I must do is what I said many years ago in a post, "Changing Your Life By Changing the Direction of Your Energy Flow." I must radiate light from my connection to the child of the universe within me and so create a forcefield around me that Ronnie's ego-mind, mara, and the devil cannot penetrate.
That has worked when I think of it, but I need to be in that space 24/7 to protect myself. I know this is the right path. And with my work on my humility. which I will report on in a future post, I have reason to have faith that this can be achieved.
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