When most people set out to do something, regardless the nature of the project, they want to have a feeling of certainty that their effort will be successful. And the more someone is invested in the activity, the more needed this sense of certainty is.
This is an inevitable component of a craving. Because a craving is something that you feel you must have. There is no equivocation. And so when something happens that removes this feeling of certainty that you need, it is devastating. And you suffer. What you feel is beyond frustration because this was something you felt you must have ... or else.
So if you are walking the Buddhist or any other spiritual path to end your suffering, you must remove the need for certainty from your life. You need to be able to say, "If it happens, great; it if doesn't, that's ok too." Which means that it is no longer a craving. You approach whatever the project or thing is with equanimity.
Ending your suffering is, of course, the goal of Buddhist practice and the Buddha dharma; it is not a quick and easy thing to accomplish. It requires much work and discipline, because you are entering a worldview very different from that in which you were raised and the culture within which you live. I have written many posts about ending cravings and suffering, but perhaps the most useful in this connection are, "Craving 'Survival' Condemns You to Suffering," and the "End of Suffering Cheat Sheet."
But there is something you can do as you are working on this long-term project to help change your perspective: the things you say to yourself. It is very common for people not only to focus on whatever is negative in their life, but to verbalize that negativity and how they feel about it. The problem is that when you do this, it increases the impact on you of your negativity, it becomes a kind of obsession and increases your suffering.
What you must do is stop saying negative things to yourself. I do not mean that you should lie to yourself about what you are experiencing, but you should express your reaction to it in a very different way. For example, instead of saying, "I'm going to be ruined," or "I won't live this way," or anything similar, you should say to yourself, "It's ok; I'll be ok; it's not what I wanted but there are other options I can pursue."
Even that statement will be difficult if you are dealing with a craving. But by purposefully saying to yourself that you'll be ok—numerous times—you have the ability to change the way your mind is reacting to your experience. Lessening its force as a craving without actually freeing yourself from it.
This is an inevitable component of a craving. Because a craving is something that you feel you must have. There is no equivocation. And so when something happens that removes this feeling of certainty that you need, it is devastating. And you suffer. What you feel is beyond frustration because this was something you felt you must have ... or else.
So if you are walking the Buddhist or any other spiritual path to end your suffering, you must remove the need for certainty from your life. You need to be able to say, "If it happens, great; it if doesn't, that's ok too." Which means that it is no longer a craving. You approach whatever the project or thing is with equanimity.
Ending your suffering is, of course, the goal of Buddhist practice and the Buddha dharma; it is not a quick and easy thing to accomplish. It requires much work and discipline, because you are entering a worldview very different from that in which you were raised and the culture within which you live. I have written many posts about ending cravings and suffering, but perhaps the most useful in this connection are, "Craving 'Survival' Condemns You to Suffering," and the "End of Suffering Cheat Sheet."
But there is something you can do as you are working on this long-term project to help change your perspective: the things you say to yourself. It is very common for people not only to focus on whatever is negative in their life, but to verbalize that negativity and how they feel about it. The problem is that when you do this, it increases the impact on you of your negativity, it becomes a kind of obsession and increases your suffering.
What you must do is stop saying negative things to yourself. I do not mean that you should lie to yourself about what you are experiencing, but you should express your reaction to it in a very different way. For example, instead of saying, "I'm going to be ruined," or "I won't live this way," or anything similar, you should say to yourself, "It's ok; I'll be ok; it's not what I wanted but there are other options I can pursue."
Even that statement will be difficult if you are dealing with a craving. But by purposefully saying to yourself that you'll be ok—numerous times—you have the ability to change the way your mind is reacting to your experience. Lessening its force as a craving without actually freeing yourself from it.
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