This morning when I got up, words spoken to me more than 30 years ago by a combative colleague came to me: "If you think you can say what you think here, you're stupid." At the time, I reacted to that statement with disdain. But this morning I knew that the Lord had spoken to me, giving me a warning to get over myself and practice humility.
But I did not hear that warning and so have not heeded it. In spite of my practice and my awareness of the importance of humility, and in spite of my having written several years ago a post about the need to "get over yourself," I obviously had not practiced what I preached. I did not connect the dots; I did not see how I have suffered and made others suffer because I had not gotten over myself.
I shared this mea culpa with friends because it is quite possible that I have at times in the past spoken my mind to them or done things that otherwise upset or hurt them. I made amends.
In almost every job I've had, I have had difficulty or gotten in trouble because I was so full of myself that I thought everyone would want to hear my thoughts, my wisdom. And if someone didn't, I reacted with disdain rather than looking at myself introspectively and seeing that I was not practicing humility. As a result, virtually every job I've ever had became uncomfortable and I moved on; some I was on the verge of being fired. Not surprisingly, this has hurt me financially.
For not heading his warning, the Lord has brought me low. This is one of many examples, however, where my Buddhist practice has had an effect: I am at peace, I have faith, I have no fear. Truly! Things are the way they are because it's just the way it is.
I know that such actions were a product of my ego-mind rather than my true self. Even after years of disciplined practice and much writing, while there are many aspects of my ego that have been controlled, core aspects still are active. It is that powerful. Nevertheless, I am ultimately responsible. It is an embarrassment.
On my plate every day, not just during my meditation/prayer, is focusing on my humility. Just imagining being free of the need to share my thoughts is a lightening of my burdens. It meshes seamlessly with my saying,"your will, not my mind's."
But I did not hear that warning and so have not heeded it. In spite of my practice and my awareness of the importance of humility, and in spite of my having written several years ago a post about the need to "get over yourself," I obviously had not practiced what I preached. I did not connect the dots; I did not see how I have suffered and made others suffer because I had not gotten over myself.
I shared this mea culpa with friends because it is quite possible that I have at times in the past spoken my mind to them or done things that otherwise upset or hurt them. I made amends.
In almost every job I've had, I have had difficulty or gotten in trouble because I was so full of myself that I thought everyone would want to hear my thoughts, my wisdom. And if someone didn't, I reacted with disdain rather than looking at myself introspectively and seeing that I was not practicing humility. As a result, virtually every job I've ever had became uncomfortable and I moved on; some I was on the verge of being fired. Not surprisingly, this has hurt me financially.
For not heading his warning, the Lord has brought me low. This is one of many examples, however, where my Buddhist practice has had an effect: I am at peace, I have faith, I have no fear. Truly! Things are the way they are because it's just the way it is.
I know that such actions were a product of my ego-mind rather than my true self. Even after years of disciplined practice and much writing, while there are many aspects of my ego that have been controlled, core aspects still are active. It is that powerful. Nevertheless, I am ultimately responsible. It is an embarrassment.
On my plate every day, not just during my meditation/prayer, is focusing on my humility. Just imagining being free of the need to share my thoughts is a lightening of my burdens. It meshes seamlessly with my saying,"your will, not my mind's."
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