Suffering—the mental, not physicl, type—is psychological. That is to say that the suffering actually occurs in our minds, although it is acted out through crying, shouting, angry pronouncements, physical strikes (whether towards yourself or someone else) and other various acting-out behviors. What causes the debilitating effects of suffering are these acting-out behaviors because they are exhausting and can make us feel like we're losing our mind.
Many advise ending suffering by stopping these behaviors, controlling them. But this is an exercise in futility because if the mind reacts to something as violating or offending you, there is no stopping the acting-out behavior because the mind will not allow it.
Instead, the key to stop suffering is to change your reaction to situtions. Our buttons get pushed beause something offends us. Often this offense stems from negative experiences we had as child or growing up. We feel very self-righteous when somethning offends us and so we react with an acting-ut behavior. And typically, one such behavior leads to another, often stronger, behavior, till at some point we fall down exhausted and feeling totally defeated.
So how do you keep from being offended? What makes this more difficult is that in some way we like the feeling of self-righteous anger that follows being offended; it feels like we're standing up for ourselves, we're protecting ourselves. But in reality, you are making yourself weaker by such tantrums.
The process begins by your realizing that these tantrums (and that's what they are) hurt you because they make you feel terrible about yourself. They may start as an expression of your self-righteous feeling, but they end in exhaustion and defeat.
Once you realize that these tantrums hurt you and that you want them to stop, that gives you the motivation so find a way to not be offended by the actions of the world around you. One path is to say, "It's just the way it is." (See my post, "It's Just the Way It Is - Take IV.) Another path is to stop having cravings for something by saying, "If it happens, great; if it doesn't happen, that's ok too." This is reacting to something with equanimity.
But in order to take either of these steps, it is essential that you know that you will be ok even if what you want doesn't happen. Whether it's stop being mistreated by someone, or being acknowledged by someone, or getting a new job, or whatever—you will be ok, which means at peace, regardless.
Even if you lose your job, you know you'll be ok. Even if you're treated badly, you know you'll be ok. That goes against everything we're taught by our culture; you need money to live. How can you say you'll be ok, in any sense?
This is where it's essential that you connect with your true self, which is your heart, your true Buddha nature/your divinity/the child of the Universe within you. (See my post, "True Self.") Only then will you feel, will you know, that you will be ok regardless what life provides because you have returned home and will always return home to your true self, and so you will be at peace regardless what happens around or to you.
Whether you have money or are poor, whether you are alone or with friends and loved ones, whether you re healthy or sick, whether you are imprisoned or free—regardless, you will be at peace and happy because you are one with the child of the Universe within you and there is nothing else you feel you need in order to be at peace and happy.
Many advise ending suffering by stopping these behaviors, controlling them. But this is an exercise in futility because if the mind reacts to something as violating or offending you, there is no stopping the acting-out behavior because the mind will not allow it.
Instead, the key to stop suffering is to change your reaction to situtions. Our buttons get pushed beause something offends us. Often this offense stems from negative experiences we had as child or growing up. We feel very self-righteous when somethning offends us and so we react with an acting-ut behavior. And typically, one such behavior leads to another, often stronger, behavior, till at some point we fall down exhausted and feeling totally defeated.
So how do you keep from being offended? What makes this more difficult is that in some way we like the feeling of self-righteous anger that follows being offended; it feels like we're standing up for ourselves, we're protecting ourselves. But in reality, you are making yourself weaker by such tantrums.
The process begins by your realizing that these tantrums (and that's what they are) hurt you because they make you feel terrible about yourself. They may start as an expression of your self-righteous feeling, but they end in exhaustion and defeat.
Once you realize that these tantrums hurt you and that you want them to stop, that gives you the motivation so find a way to not be offended by the actions of the world around you. One path is to say, "It's just the way it is." (See my post, "It's Just the Way It Is - Take IV.) Another path is to stop having cravings for something by saying, "If it happens, great; if it doesn't happen, that's ok too." This is reacting to something with equanimity.
But in order to take either of these steps, it is essential that you know that you will be ok even if what you want doesn't happen. Whether it's stop being mistreated by someone, or being acknowledged by someone, or getting a new job, or whatever—you will be ok, which means at peace, regardless.
Even if you lose your job, you know you'll be ok. Even if you're treated badly, you know you'll be ok. That goes against everything we're taught by our culture; you need money to live. How can you say you'll be ok, in any sense?
This is where it's essential that you connect with your true self, which is your heart, your true Buddha nature/your divinity/the child of the Universe within you. (See my post, "True Self.") Only then will you feel, will you know, that you will be ok regardless what life provides because you have returned home and will always return home to your true self, and so you will be at peace regardless what happens around or to you.
Whether you have money or are poor, whether you are alone or with friends and loved ones, whether you re healthy or sick, whether you are imprisoned or free—regardless, you will be at peace and happy because you are one with the child of the Universe within you and there is nothing else you feel you need in order to be at peace and happy.
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