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How To Know What To Do

7/25/2013

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Dear Hanh Niem,

In your response to Trapped in Disappointment, you wrote at the end about planning for the future free of learned experience, free of those thoughts.  How can you plan without thinking?  Please explain.

How To Know What To Do


Dear How To Know What To Do,

The problem that arises when we plan for the future is that we use our thinking mind ... which is to say our ego mind ... to decide what we should do and how we should go about it.  That is a problem because it is impossible to divorce our thinking mind from our learned experience, from our ego.  It cannot look at something from a fresh, unbiased perspective.  Thus when we make our plans, they are built on the very cravings and illusory perceptions that form our samsara.  And so as experienced by Trapped by Disappointment, the cycle just continues and nothing really changes.  We may have a new job, a new relationship, or live in a new location, but our samsara remains as it was.   We cannot move forward because our thinking mind is trapped in the past.

By developing the practice of being present free of the intervention of thought, of experiencing the present without the intervention of our thinking mind, with the understanding that that is the only reality, everything else is thought and therefore an illusion, we arrive at a purer state of awareness.  We are in touch with our true Buddha nature. 

When you are in this state, you don’t “think” about things with your thinking mind, you observe with the awareness of your true Buddha mind.  There are several lines from the ancient Chinese poem, Affirming Faith in Mind, which speak to the importance of this.

“If you would clearly see the truth,
discard opinions pro and con.
To founder in dislike and like
is nothing but the mind’s disease.”

“If mind does not discriminate,
all things are as they are, as One.
When all is seen with ‘equal mind.’
to our Self-nature we return.”

When you are able to see into yourself, into your true Buddha nature, free of your learned experience, your likes and dislikes, and of course all your cravings ... when you are able to see yourself and the world around you through the eyes of your true Buddha nature ... you will see intuitively, without the intervention of thought, what the right path is for you and how to go about it.

Let me give you an example from my own personal experience.  All my life, including most of the period I’ve been walking the Buddhist path, I have planned for the future (I’ve always been big on planning) with my thinking mind.  And so I was never really changing anything about myself, I was just changing the context in which I lived and worked.  Whether it concerned personal relationships or jobs or whether to live in the country or the city, my decisions were all based on the very factors that caused my samsara, and so my samsara just moved with me to the new venue.  

I may have grown in various ways because of these plans and achieved all kinds of good things, but I never made any headway at ending my suffering.  Ideally though, when we plan for the future, it should be with an eye towards ending our suffering.  That’s why my counsel is to plan without the use of your thinking mind.  That said, I must in all fairness acknowledge that that’s not an easy feat.

Recently though, as a result of my own developing practice of being present without the intervention of thought, of experiencing the fullness of the moment, of being aware of myself and everything around me in a direct way, I came to an awareness at last of what I truly needed to do, or did not need, to experience peace, contentment, and happiness.  This awareness rests on the foundation of my acceptance of my life as it is and my faith that if I live each moment well ... that is, in accord with the Five Precepts ... the future will take care of itself.  What I found was that I needed to:

1.  Spend most of my time in the company of loved ones and friends - Being in a nurturing environment is one of our Four Basic Needs (see my book, The Self in No Self).  It’s an elemental need not just for humans, but indeed for most animals.  Regardless of what is happening in the larger world, being able to feel safe and to laugh and love within ones personal circle is critically important.

2.  Respect my body : stay physically fit - To have respect for oneself is to have respect for all aspects of oneself,  including ones body.  Staying physically fit is being respectful of one’s body, as well as taking care of one’s health.  This is not to be confused with the current cultural obsession with physical fitness.  This is a craving which stems often if not mostly from a lack of equanimity, from a need to be admired and acknowledged; it stems from insecurity.  This is an example of a Right desire that can be turned into an unskillful desire and a craving if the origination of the desire is not equanimity.

3.  Respect my mind : keep my mind engaged - The motto of the United Negro College Fund is, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”  Our brain, our ability to think and analyze, is what differentiates humans from their animal ancestors.  To have respect for oneself is to use it, to stay mentally fit.  But it’s not just keeping our mind engaged that’s important, it’s what it’s engaged in.  To engage my mind in something that’s not in keeping with the Five Precepts would not meet this need and indeed would add to my samsara.  One has but to read the papers every day to see examples of people whose minds are very engaged, but who are engaged in efforts which are harmful to their fellow man and thus quite unaware increase their samsara.

4.  Whatever I do, do it in a way which offers others joy or helps relieve their suffering - Throughout the day, we have an opportunity to make a difference in other people’s lives, even if just in a small way, and thus make a difference in our own lives.  In our work, interacting with others in a way that offers them joy brings joy to ourselves.  In our daily activities, whether it’s going grocery shopping or anything else, we have the opportunity again to either offer joy or be an anonymous cipher.  This is the Five Precepts in action.

5.  Be in touch with nature - As I explained in my first blog post, “If This Is Practical Buddhism, Why the Pastoral Setting?” in nature we see reflected the essential truths of the Buddha dharma ... that all things are impermanent and changeable, that all things rise and fall, and the oneness of all things.  And thus it is in nature that we can find inspiration.  This doesn’t necessarily mean living in nature, or surrounded by nature.  It does meaning having easy access to nature and remaining in touch with it.  It could be a simple garden oasis in an urban backyard or it could be a nearby nature preserve.  It could not be, however, a caged bird or other animal who is constrained in a way nature did not intend, because then I would not be in touch with nature; I would instead be in touch with man’s subjugation and use of nature.

6.  Live within my means and thus be financially secure - For most people, being financially secure means capitulating to out culture’s craving for always more money and more things.  What I’m talking about here ... living within one’s means ... is a decidedly counter-cultural, almost subversive, perspective.  One of the Four Basic Needs is security, and certainly a key aspect of that is financial security.  But here I’m not talking about how much money one has, I’m talking about one’s attitude towards money and how one lives one’s life.  There are many poor people around the world whose lives are far happier and content than many in our culture with great wealth because they do not crave what they don’t have; they have not yet been infected with the virus of Western capitalism and consumerism.  (Granted, the numbers of such people are growing smaller with each year as our culture spreads into further and further corners of the world.)

ALL ELSE IS EGO.  Even though I have spent most of my professional life trying with honest intent in some way to make this world a better place and help relieve the suffering of others, all of my efforts have been tainted by my ego-mind, by my thinking mind.  Everything I have done, regardless of its good intent and its often good results, has been driven equally strongly by my craving to be accepted, to be admired, to be loved.  And so regardless of the venue in which I worked, my desires were unskillful desires because of their at least partially unskillful origination in a lack of equanimity.  

This statement neither denigrates what I have done nor myself.  It is just an honest aware statement that my samsara was a major factor in what I did and  therefore I was not at peace or happy, regardless of what I accomplished.  When I first wrote this my ego-mind said, “Aha, see, if it wasn’t for my influence you wouldn’t have done these good things.”  But I know that that is not the case.  If I had been able to ignore my ego-mind, to observe without the intervention of thought, I am quite sure that I would still have undertaken these tasks because they were the Right thing to do.

“But,” the reader may say, “what if one doesn’t have any friends or loved ones, what if one has a physical disability, what if one is retarded, etc.”  Regardless of one’s state, one could pursue similar goals with acceptance and equanimity.  

For example, if one has no friends or loved ones, it is often because we have, due to our past negative learned experience, distanced ourselves from others.  If we can free ourselves from this learned experience, we will be able to achieve human interaction that seemed impossible before.  If we are physically disabled, we can treat ourselves with respect and keep that part of our body that is not disabled physically fit.  Likewise if we are mentally challenged, there is much we can do that maximizes the use of our mind; the relatively recent transformation in the lives of people with Downs Syndrome is a perfect case in point.  

And so it is with all things.  It is the attitude of us towards ourselves, which usually means the attitude of others towards us which we have absorbed and internalized, that keeps us down.  Regardless of our status in life, we must free ourselves of that learned experience in order to be free, at peace, and happy.  It is only when we can see our ego-mind working in all things that we do and think that the door is open to our finding a different way of pursuing life ... one that will bring us peace, contentment, and happiness.

So meditate and find the answer for yourself to the question, what do you need to do to find peace, contentment, and happiness.  Even if you cannot be totally free of your thinking mind, your ego, be aware of its impact as much as you can.  When it arises, and it surely will, acknowledge it, have compassion towards it and where it's coming from, but say that you are looking deep within yourself for guidance and listen to the voice of your true Buddha nature.  (For more on this, see my blog post, "Not Engaging Your Thoughts.")



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Trapped in Disappointment

7/19/2013

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Dear Hanh Niem,

I want my life to grow in the future, both professionally and personally.  I’ve tried making plans, but I never find the energy to follow through with them.  I’ve been so disappointed with my experience to date in these areas of my life that something within me says that nothing’s going to change, so why bother putting forth the effort.  And so I feel trapped in inertia.   I know that all things are impermanent and changeable, but I find it hard to apply that to myself.  Where do I find the energy to move forward with my life?

Trapped in Disappointment


Dear Trapped in Disappointment,

The key to moving forward is to revolt against both the tyranny of the past and the tyranny of the future and take refuge in the present.

The past is all the negative experience that you’ve had.  There are things to be learned from that to be sure, but it is not something which should determine your view of yourself or the world around you because, as you know, our perceptions are all illusory based as they are on learned experience, which are in turn a reflection of things we’ve been told whether by our culture, our peers, or our family. We filter everything through the lens of that learned experience which distorts reality and so we never are able to experience reality as it is, free of the intervention of thought.

The tyranny of the future is an extension of the past.  We are so obsessed with escaping our past by building a better future that we are incapable of applying rational thought to the process.  And although we want to escape our past, it has such a hold on us that not only are we incapable of any rational thought about the future, but we are incapable of any real movement at all.  It is a dreadful conundrum which most people experience.

The only reality capable of being experienced is the present moment, and that only if we are capable of experiencing it free of thought.  For once thought is applied, our learned experience is brought to bear and the reality of even the present is obscured.

So what to do?  While you are sitting on your cushion meditating, try reciting the following mantra:  “Breathing in, I’m aware I’m breathing in.  Breathing out, I’m aware I’m breathing out.  Here there is no yesterday, no tomorrow, no today ... only the present moment.  This is the only reality.  All else is thought.”

By reciting this mantra, you will be trying to change your paradigm from one that says that our thoughts reflect reality ... and thus our thoughts defines how we view the world ... to one that says that we can only perceive reality if we are free of the intervention of thought.  This reflects our understanding as taught by the Buddha and related in the Heart Sutra that our thoughts have no intrinsic existence, they are of dependent origination, and thus place a barrier between us and the experience of reality whether past, present, or future.  (For more on the illusory nature of all perceptions, see any of my Buddhist series books.)  You are revolting against the tyranny of the past and the future.

At first this will have little effect, other than to give you a feeling of calm.  But at some point you will begin to internalize the truth of this mantra.  How quickly or slowly this occurs is a function of the stage of your practice.  And as this truth goes deeper it will eventually become your default perspective, your new paradigm.  And you will be in conscious contact with your true Buddha nature.

When you are able to be truly in the present moment, observing your environment and yourself free of the intervention of thought, it will act as an anchor and you will find that you are able to think about the future in a different way, unencumbered by your past learned experience.  If it does arise, you will see it for what it is, not engage it, and allow the thought to subside.  Then you will not only be able to think clearly and rationally about the future, while remaining present, but you will be able to act on your plans because are not tied in knots by the past.

Remember though that even with the best of planning, things do not always go as we wish.  We must always be aware of that and proceed with our plans with non-attachment.  If it works, great!  But if it doesn’t work, that’s ok too.  Our lives will continue just fine regardless.  (Obviously this assumes true acceptance by you of your life and yourself as it is now.)  Have faith that if you live each day well, that is, in accordance with the Five Precepts, that the future will take care of itself in the sense that regardless what happens, you will be able to handle it and will find yourself at peace and content.

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Controlled by Cravings

7/16/2013

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Dear Hanh Niem,

For many years I have been beset with a variety of cravings.   Despite my regular meditation practice and efforts to fight these cravings, nothing has worked.  They are as powerful as ever and my life  seems at times like it is beyond my control or influence.  Help!

Controlled by Cravings


Dear Controlled by Cravings,

The Buddha said that the origin of suffering is craving.  Freeing us from our cravings, which is thus to free us from our samsara, is at the heart of the Buddha’s teachings.  That statement right away signals that what you’re talking about is a very complex and difficult process.

The challenging path you've chosen will require discipline and faith on your part.  I would refer you first to a post I wrote, “12 Steps on the Buddhist Path,” on this site’s blog.  Reading that post, as well as the followup posts expanding on the specific steps, will hopefully be helpful and point you in the right direction.  But given the central nature of this task to the process of walking the Buddhist path, I would recommend reading my book, Scratching the Itch: Getting at the Root of Our Suffering.

Bottom line, you can’t fight you’re cravings.  You can’t white-knuckle them.  The path to freedom is not a test of wills.  It is far more nuanced.


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Why Do We Suffer?

7/10/2013

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Dear Hanh Niem,

I know that I’m not the only one suffering.   Everyone does.   But what is the meaning of our suffering?  If we are all born essentially perfect, as the teaching of the Buddha says, then why do we all suffer?  I’m worn down.

Why Do We Suffer?


Dear Why Do We Suffer?

You have already come far in your practice.  Generally, the reaction of people to their suffering is, “why am I suffering?”  People, understandably, take suffering very personally.  They either feel it is something that is being done to them or that they have done to themselves.  Feeling victimized, they settle on the blame game.

Understanding that suffering is universal, that everyone ... regardless how rich or poor, how powerful or weak, how successful or not ... suffers is an important step to ending our suffering.  Each person’s suffering may be different, we each have our own samsara that is caused by our learned experience, but there is no such thing as a human without samsara.

One day early in my practice, I met a traveling American Theravadan monk.  He had spent years in the jungles of Thailand in forest monasteries and was fearless.  At one point, I asked him why, if we are all born essential perfect, suffering is the common human experience.  His answer was, “It’s just the way it is. It’s like the law of thermodynamics.”  

When I heard his words it was like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. While acceptance was still key to achieving peace and serenity, that acceptance was made easier by understanding that things are the way they are because it’s just the way they are … even if something still did have a negative label in my mind. It wasn’t really for me to accept; it just was. 

Similarly, the age-old question, “Why me?” misses the point … it has nothing to do with “me.” While the karmic impact of cause and effect applies to each individual, the reasons why we do the things we do are beyond the individual.  Having absorbed the teaching of “it’s just the way it is,” it was easier for me to accept my life and the world around me.

Thus the answer to your question is that there is no meaning to our suffering.  No intelligent force or God-force has deemed that we must suffer to teach us something.  It’s just the way it is.

That much said, it is important to note that if it weren’t for our suffering, probably none of us would have come to Buddhism and started to walk the path.  It doesn’t give our suffering meaning, but it provides a productive way of looking at our suffering.  It’s similar to the common saying, no pain, no gain.

I have compassion for the fact that you, like so many people walking that path, are worn down and tired.  There are so many challenges and obstacles that confront us ... our egos (the sum of our learned experience) are strong and wily; almost everyone around us is acting in a way that feeds their own egos and shows no concern for the needs of others; and the messages that we receive from our culture do not support any aspect of the Buddha dharma - indeed by fostering endless cravings, it is in direct conflict with it.

The reason why I have written my books and started this website with its blog and advice column is to make the path with its benefits more accessible to all.  I have had the good fortune to have had some powerful teachers who opened many gates for me.   That teaching together with my own personal experience and delving into the Buddha dharma have allowed me to find much peace and happiness after a lifetime of suffering.  Now it’s time for me to share that teaching and experience with others.

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Longing for Good Sex

7/7/2013

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Dear Hanh Niem,

I am a single woman.  Before I found Buddhism, sex used to be great.  I really enjoyed it.  Since I’ve gotten into my Buddhist practice, I have to say that I’m not really enjoying it anymore.   And nothing else has changed.   I’m just aware now that when I have sex, it’s usually because I’m not very happy with my life and am looking for something or someone to make it better or at least put some fun in my life.  I guess I always knew it deep down, but now it’s in my face.  Can a Buddhist have good sex, that is sex that is both good and makes you feel good?

Longing for Good Sex


Dear Longing for Good Sex,

The short answer is that, yes, it is definitely possible for a Buddhist to have good sex.  The question is, what is good sex?  Simply said, good sex is sex that is consistent with your spiritual practice, with walking the path.   

The Third Precept teaches us to refrain from “sexual misconduct.”  But depending on who you talk to, what that is varies greatly.  One monk once told me that as long as it’s between two consenting adults, it’s ok.  While Thich Nhat Hanh says that it must be part of a loving, long-term commitment.

I would offer a middle path.  For me, the guiding principle is the overall Buddhist moral, “to treat others with respect, compassion, and loving kindness and do others and yourself no harm, psychologically or physically.”  Casual sex, and often even sex in committed relationships, does not meet that standard. 

You can be kind to someone in a way, say nice things, but if you’re basically using someone to gratify your lust or to escape a life that you’re dissatisfied with, your not approaching sex from a position of equanimity.  And when you’re using someone, you can’t truly treat them with respect, compassion, and loving kindness, because that would entail thinking first and foremost about their needs, not yours.  And there is always some psychological harm to both parties because both are aware that they are not just using, but they are being used.  This same analysis can hold true even for sex within marriage.

So the key to having good sex is to come at it from a place of equanimity, of true acceptance of your life the way it is right now.  Then your desire to have sex will not be a craving, it will be a healthy, natural urge.  When you reach that state, or even approach it, you will find that you no longer have an interest in sex if there is no real connection with the other person.  Even if you go long stretches without sex, you will feel fine.  Your ego-mind may be jumping up and down saying that this is ridiculous, but your true Buddha nature will be fine.  

Most sex that people have today is of a decidedly casual nature.  So the question is, if you approach it with equanimity, can one have spiritually healthy casual sex, whether it’s with someone you just met or a “friend with benefits?”  

The clincher here is “ do no harm.”  You may approach the situation with great equanimity and be filled with compassion and loving kindness, but there can still be psychological harm done to the other person.  If anything, you’re giving of yourself in this way, rather than being a user, may increase it.

Why?  Because sex is very powerful, and good sex is even more powerful.  If the other person experiences good sex because of the way in which you have approached it, it will be almost impossible for the person not to start thinking about repeating the experience, starting a relationship, etc.  And if that’s not what you want, then the person will be disappointed or feel rejected and that does psychological harm.  So I’m afraid the answer is that casual sex is not “good sex” regardless how you approach it.

Bottom line, for sex to be spiritually healthy, for it to be sex you feel good about, there needs to be a real connection between the two people, you need to think about the other person’s needs ... sexually and otherwise ... and there needs to be a desire to see where this connection leads.  A long-term commitment, or really any commitment, is not needed.  

Ideally, that means you meet someone and get to know them a bit, establish a connection and an interest in seeing where things might lead, before you have sex.  I know that’s not how it’s done today.  It’s the old-fashioned way.  But spiritually, it’s the only way to have sex which is both good and that you feel good about.

The point is not to ensure that the other person cannot be hurt ... that’s not within your power ...  it’s not to take unreasonable risks regarding that.  Even if there is a commitment, nothing is forever, and in the end someone may feel hurt.  There’s little you can do about that, other than treating someone with compassion and loving kindness.  The fact that all things are impermanent and changeable cannot and should not prevent us from acting in the present.

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Mind Won't Stop

7/3/2013

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Dear Hanh Niem,

My mind just won’t let up!  It’s like a gerbil running on a treadmill, never stopping.  Regardless what I’m doing during the course of the day, including meditating, my mind doesn’t stop producing thoughts about the past or future that take me away from the present and basically make it impossible for me to be present, no matter how much I try.  What can I do to free myself from this constant thinking?

Mind Won't Stop


Dear Mind Won't Stop,

What you are experiencing is one of the most common and challenging experiences of those walking the path.  At some point you have enough awareness to observe what is going on within yourself, but you don’t yet have the ability to free yourself from the power of your ego-mind, and it drives one crazy.  I’ve certainly been there, and to some extent still am.

There are several ways or levels at which to address this phenomenon that you are experiencing.  There are times in the day when we need to think.  Whether we are at work or we are at home planning for some future activity or course of life, we need to think.  But for that thinking to be as productive as it can be, we need to see clearly.  And that means our thought process has to be free of the known, of our learned experience.

This does not mean thinking out of ignorance, forgetting everything that we’ve ever learned.  What it means is not being controlled by the known, not having it straight-jacket our thoughts whether they come from our ego-mind or from factual knowledge we’ve acquired through study.  If we are to think clearly, our thoughts must be unencumbered.  For more on this issue, see my post, “Freedom from the Known.”

Then there are the majority of moments throughout the day when we are not focused on solving some problem, and yet our ego-mind keeps bombarding us with thoughts, with issues, with problems, with cravings.   Our ego-mind does not want us to be present, it does not want us to meditate and find peace, and so it pulls us away from potentially spiritual moments with thoughts of the past and future.

As I’ve written in many posts, and as you’ve no doubt read in many books, you can’t fight your ego.  You can’t white knuckle your cravings and attachments.  The result of that would just be that your ego pushes back even more and your agitation increases.

Instead what you should do is defuse these thoughts by not engaging them.  Instead acknowledge the thoughts and have compassion for them.  That is a teaching of Pima Chodron and is very effective.  At the same time be firm that you are following a different path and have faith that if you live each day, each moment, well the future will take care of itself.  For more on this process, see my post, “Not Engaging Your Thoughts.”

Ok, so there’s a way for your thoughts not to be controlled by the known.  And there’s a way to not engage your thoughts and be free of your ego-mind.  But isn’t there a way just to be free of all thought or at least unwanted thought?  That is an even more challenging one, but I’m coming to see that there is a way.

It starts with being present in the moment.  When you sit to meditate, say the following mantra to yourself.

   “Breathing in, I’m aware that I’m breathing in;    

    breathing out, I’m aware that I’m breathing out.  
    Here there is no yesterday, no tomorrow, no 
    today, just the present moment.  This is the only
    reality, all else is thought.”

If you’ve read any of my books, you’ll know that I believe that when we are trying to change the paradigms of our life, as we do when we are walking the path, because it is such a struggle it is helpful to augment meditation and one’s reading by daily reciting mantras or affirmations that reinforce the change we are trying to make.  The point is not to think about the words as you’re chanting them, but just chant or recite them clearly and wholeheartedly.  The daily repetition helps drive the point deeper.  As Roshi Philip Kapleau once explained, “Conscious awareness of the meaning of the words [while chanting] is unimportant - this meaning is absorbed on a subconscious level.” 

In this instance, we are trying to change our paradigm from one that says that our thoughts reflect reality ... it’s how the world is and thus defines how we view the world ... to one that says that we can only perceive reality if we are free of the intervention of thought.  This reflects our understanding that our thoughts have no intrinsic existence, they are of dependent origination, and thus place a barrier between us and the experience of reality whether past, present, or future.  (For more on the illusory nature of all perceptions, see any of my Buddhist series books.)

At first this will have little effect, other than to give you a feeling of calm.  But at some point you will begin to internalize the truth of this mantra.  How quickly or slowly this occurs is a function of the stage of your practice.  And the deeper this truth goes, at some point it will become your default perspective, your new paradigm.  You will be in conscious contact with your true Buddha nature.

As this process continues, you will find it easier and easier to be present, at one with all things, both when you are on your cushion and off.  Indeed, at some point you will be able to be immersed in some analytical exercise you’re engaged in and divert your attention to what is around you, be present instantaneously as you are aware of your breath, and experience the present directly without the intervention of any thought.  

Say it’s a gray, humid rainy day ... as it has been for days on end recently.  Rather than trying to be present and instead thinking immediately, “When is this going to end?  How long will this rain and heat continue?” and going to the computer to check the weather forecast yet again, you will  have no thought regarding the future of the weather.  At that point you will be able to truly say, “It’s just the way it is,” be at one with the weather, and continue on your peaceful path.  You will experience the day, the weather, as it really is because no thought, no label, has intervened.  At that point, you will have made a major step towards being truly free of the known in all respects.

As the Heart Sutra says (in my translation; see my book, The Self in No Self) when the bodhisatva practices the perfection of wisdom and perceives the emptiness of all five skandhas:

   “Thus being at one with all things,

    Experiencing things directly without the 
         intervention of thought,
    All suffering and doubt cease.”

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Meditation Isn't Working

7/1/2013

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Dear Hanh Niem,

My meditation just isn’t working.  Regardless how I approach it, I end up getting off my pillow confused.  I’m not getting any answers to the problems in my life.  The only thing consistent is that almost every negative experience I’ve had in the past comes up while I’m sitting there quietly watching my breath.  Help!

Meditation Isn’t Working


Dear Meditation Isn’t Working,

A practitioner once said to a monk, “I’ve been meditating for 20 years and nothing has changed.” You are hardly alone.  There may be technical reasons for this ... not concentrating on breathing, poor posture, engaging the random thoughts that enter the mind (one reason why you feel confused) ... but a greater problem is often a misunderstanding of what meditation is about. 

The first part of the misunderstanding is that many people think that meditation will solve their problems, their frustrations, their anger, and when it doesn’t they feel they or meditation have failed. But the purpose of meditation is not to solve problems. The purpose of meditation is to gain clarity about the truths of life and yourself.  Then you have to take that clarity and purposefully apply it to your life.

As the ancient poem, “In Praise of Zazen,” says: “The gateway to freedom is zazen samadhi, beyond all our praises, beyond exaltation, the pure Mahayana.” Meditation is a gateway, a vehicle, for discovering the truth, experiencing clarity, and uncovering your true Buddha nature. 

Which brings up the second misunderstanding.  Meditation is a wonderful practice in any context. It can bring calm to us in a stressful world. But divorced from the teachings of the Buddha, meditation cannot be the gateway to ending our suffering because it is the context of the Buddha dharma that provides the basis for the clarity that will free you and bring you peace.  So if you’re not versed in the teachings of the Buddha, you have work to do.

We first learn and understand the teachings of the Buddha intellectually. That is the basis for our initial and essential belief in the Buddha dharma. But that is only a first step on the path. It is only through meditation that we internalize them, realize in our innermost being the truth of those teachings and see our life and the world around us clearly, free of our ego and learned experience.

With the clarity you receive through meditation, you then have the ability when you are off the cushion to change your ego-driven habit energies. This is not an easy thing to do, even with clarity ... we’re talking about changing habit-energies, paradigms, that have formed over the course of a lifetime ... but without the clarity that comes from meditation it is impossible.

Even before you are able to change those energies, to surrender your ego, the clarity you obtain through meditation will make you more aware of how you react to or interact with yourself and others, to see the difference between your ego-driven response and your true Buddha nature response. And with that increased awareness over time will come the strength to slowly let your ego, your past, go ... starting from issues more on the periphery of your life and steadily advancing to those that lie at the core of your samsara.

But don’t be surprised that you find these new insights a mixed blessing at first.  Your insights may give you clarity, but they also will be fought tooth and nail by your ego-mind.  

You are no doubt familiar with the saying that “ignorance is bliss.”  Well, in this case, before you studied the Buddha dharma and meditated, you were “ignorant” and just went with the flow of your learned experience.  Now you know the difference between what your true  Buddha nature tells you and what your ego-mind tells you.  You can’t ignore the truth you’ve learned, but you find that your ego-mind just won’t let up.  

And so for a time, until you learn how to free yourself from your ego, you may well be in more turmoil than before.   But this too shall pass.  Have faith and continue on the path.

So the next time you sit on your cushion, don’t look for any answers or solutions. Just concentrate on your breathing while being aware of the environment around you ... meditation is not about closing yourself off to the world ... be present and let yourself go deep within yourself. Don’t try and force anything. Things will float through your mind ... this is inevitable, what a monk once called “our unfinished business” ... just let them float through, acknowledge them, have compassion for them, but don’t engage them, don’t think about them. Thinking about them gives them and your ego-mind the power to confuse and distract you.

If you feel your mind pulling you away from your meditation, refocus on your breathing ... feel your breath move through your body. Sitting quietly and calmly brings great benefit in and of itself. And from that quiet place you will find as your practice deepens that without any mental effort you all of a sudden see something clearly that you hadn’t seen before. But regardless, just remember, “Breathing in, I’m aware I’m breathing in; breathing out, I’m aware I”m breathing out.  Here there is no yesterday, no tomorrow, no today, only the present moment.  And the present is the only reality, all else is thought.”  And believe in the teachings of the Buddha.

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    Dear Buddha |  An Advice Column by Hanh Niêm

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