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Joy - One More Take

6/25/2017

Over the years I’ve written several times about joy in the Buddhist context. A teacher of mine used to say, “Take joy in each moment.” That was an aspiration for me and until a few years ago, as related in my post, “Joy - Experience It Now,” I just did not experience it, except occasionally, momentarily.

Recently while meditating, I had a further awareness about joy. The way I, as well as many others, had written about joy, was that there are things out there to take joy in, to find happiness in, and we must put ourselves in a space where we are open to receiving that joy. We must be mindful of those things and never forget them. We must focus on them, not on the negative things in our life.

I understand now that was fundamentally wrong. Instead, the point is that we carry joy within ourselves. It is part of our true Buddha nature, it is our birthright. That is why I started experiencing joy on a regular basis after I connected directly with my heart, my Buddha nature, as related in that post. I felt joy spontaneously because it emanated from myself.

I am joyful regardless what is going on around me, even if I were in the direst of circumstances, because I am in touch with the joy within me. That joy is inviolate. In that state I will be able to also take joy not just in the lovely weather or nature or things that would generally be considered pleasing. I will find joy even where none is apparent. For example, I will find joy in the knowledge that all the people on the subway whose suffering is so evident have the true Buddha nature inside them, waiting for them to be aware of the light and start the journey to rediscover their true self. That they all have that potential.

My reaction to that daily experience in the subway is no longer sadness, which it had been, combined with compassion, in the past. I truly now experience joy when I observe my fellow subway riders through the eyes of my true Buddha self. Sadness is the veil, the filter, the ego-mind places over the awareness of the heart that everyone has the true Buddha nature inside them. Free of my ego-mind’s intervention, I don’t feel sadness.

Some might consider what I am describing as callousness. But it most certainly is not. I am very aware of the struggles people have; that knowledge is inescapable observing their faces and their body language. But as a book I once read said, there is no virtue to sadness or seriousness. Indeed, if my purpose in life is to offer others joy, I cannot offer someone joy if I am sad. I can only offer joy if I am joyful myself.

And so when I look at people with nothing but joy in my heart, occasionally I’ll get a smile in response. That tells me that I have touched someone; they have received the joy I offered. And at least for that one brief moment, they were taken out of their struggles and were able to experience kindness and joy, and know that they were deserving of such.

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Stopping Self-Sabotage

6/12/2017

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The other day a friend asked me how to stop self-sabotage. Meaning, how to stop the ego-mind from sabotaging his efforts at mindfulness, walking the path, finding peace by its engaging emotions such as anger and fear in reaction to experiences.

Having the awareness that your ego-mind sabotages your spiritual work is an essential beginning. It’s calling a spade a spade. It’s being aware that your ego-mind is not your ally in your search for peace. That its urgings, regardless how strong, are not in your self-interest. And so you form the intent to stop this self-sabotage.

Beyond that, the prerequisite, as for all similar spiritual questions, is to be aware at the moment your ego-mind arises. Why? Because your emotions are so powerful. Once they take hold of you, once the horse is out of the gate, they are virtually unstoppable till you drop exhausted.

Now no one is aware 24/7. It’s just too much to expect, at least from an unenlightened human being. But one can have the intent to increase the moments during the day when one is aware.

And one does that by purposefully taking moments throughout the day and having “quiet time” amidst everything that’s going on around you. To do this we must first stop. Literally. Stop whatever is going on in your mind and, if possible, whatever activity you’re engaged in.

Once you’ve stopped, there are various techniques you can use to center yourself and bring yourself home to your heart. You can feel your breath going in and out. You can say the words, “Breathing in, I’m aware I’m breathing in. Breathing out, I’m aware I’m breathing out.” You can do a short om-based chant. You can visualize something that takes you home … I often visualize a photo of myself as a smiling toddler, full of joy for no reason whatsoever.

This will create a space in time, even if just a few moments, where you are truly present. Where you are centered and return home to your heart.

Following this practice cannot guarantee that you will be present when you really need to be, when your ego arises. But it certainly increases the chances of your being aware throughout the day.

But being present and aware is only the prerequisite. You must then be steadfast to what is most important to you … your peace and happiness. So that when you become aware the ego-mind is asserting itself through the arising of emotions and perceptions, you will have the will to say “no, I reject your guidance” to your ego-mind. Remembering that those emotions and perceptions cause nothing but frustration and suffering once they take hold of you.

You will then have the freedom of returning home to your heart, of being at peace and happy regardless what life throws at you

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Instead of Forgiveness Show Compassion

6/7/2017

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Forgiveness is something that many people find hard to embrace. They just cannot let go the slighted, embittered feelings that they have and have nurtured.

I previously had written a post titled, "The Stages of Forgiveness." But as a post I just wrote, "A Different Take on Forgiveness," notes, the more appropriate word is compassion not forgiveness. "Forgiveness" implies guilt and free will, but people don't have free will and thus not guilt in the usual sense of the word. They have responsibility but not guilt. And so I have edited that post.

If one wants to be at peace, if one does not want to suffer, then compassion is the order of the day, because the negative feelings we harbor towards others only make us suffer. It hurts only us, not those we are angry at. As an ancient unknown poet quoted in Plutarch says, “Anger at things that happen shows small wit; for all our wrath concerns them not a bit.”

The precursor to forgiveness/compassion is to free ourselves from anger and resentment. (See my post, "Freeing Yourself from Anger and Resentment.") It's a precursor because it's not realistic to seek compassion while you are still feeling angry. The two are mutually exclusive. However, as stated in the post, once you free yourself from anger, you will find that the anger of your mind is replaced by sadness, which comes from the heart. And so there is no more barrier to feeling compassion.

The first stage of compassion is to have the intent to be compassionate. Without such intent, there will be no compassion. But such intent does not get pulled out of thin air. Given our attachment to our emotions, there needs to be a powerful motivator to have us adopt this intent.

That motivator for this, as with most things spiritual, derives from two things. First, our acknowledgement that the most important thing to us, the thing we value most, is our peace and happiness; ending our suffering. If you are not clear that ending your suffering is the most important thing to you, that it takes precedence over all the grievances you have towards life, then you will continue to suffer.

Second, the awareness that the negative emotions we harbor towards others causes us suffering. Regardless what we experienced, what was done to us, it is the way our mind reacted and continues to react to that experience that causes us suffering, not the act itself. So we must find a way to have compassion, to let go our negative emotions, if we want to experience peace.

The second stage of compassion is opening up our heart to be compassionate. The door to opening our heart is our knowledge that each of us is a product of our life experiences. We are the way we are, we do the things we do, because we have been programmed by our life experiences to act in certain ways. This is the cause of samsara. That is why suffering is the universal truth, unless we have been fortunate enough to have been exposed to Buddhism, or other spiritual practice, and have dedicated ourselves to walking the path. Even then we are rarely totally free of suffering.

As a monk once taught me, if something or someone pushes your buttons, that something is the direct result of that person’s suffering. How can one resent someone for doing something over which they had no real control and which is a result of their own suffering. As Buddhism teaches, we all have the true Buddha nature inside us. There is no such thing as a bad person, just people who do bad things. This is a cause for compassion, not hatred.

The final stage is deciding to have compassion, biting the bullet. Just do it! The relief you feel will be palpable.

We are further helped in making this decision by understanding that compassion does not absolve the other person of responsibility. While our moral system is built on an assumption that most people know, have the same understanding of, right from wrong, I have written elsewhere that this is really a false assumption. Because of our varying life experiences and the way we have been programmed by them, different people with different life experiences have quite different concepts of right and wrong, even within the same social group or even family. Moreover, we do not have the full range of free will that is usually assumed. We are again greatly constrained by the way our life experiences have programmed us and actually have a rather narrow range of free will.

But regardless of this lack of real control, civilization requires that people take responsibility for their actions. On the other hand, recognizing the limit of free will and of knowing right from wrong requires that we treat the individual ... whether a criminal or someone who has done us wrong ... in a compassionate and healing manner.

When you decide to show compassion, even with the option of setting the record straight, your ego-mind will not be happy. It will challenge you. But if you reject its guidance because it is not right for you as it causes you suffering (see my post, "Test the Wisdom of What You're Doing or Thinking of Doing"), and instead return home to your heart, you will find yourself at peace, relaxed.

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Forgiveness - A Different Take

6/7/2017

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Forgiveness is a major topic in the spiritual world. It is generally taught that without our forgiving those who have acted against us, whether in a small or large way, we cannot find peace.

But I realized during a meditation recently that the word “forgiveness” is not the most appropriate term to use. And in spirituality, as in all else, semantics is very important.

In our culture (meaning Western culture; I cannot speak to Eastern), the basic assumption in both social interactions and the criminal law is that all people know right from wrong (that is, have the same understanding). And that they have the ability to control their actions, except for those who are declared “insane.” The assumption is one of free will. Thus we say that someone is guilty of having done some misdeed or guilty of having committed a crime. Or “not guilty by reason of insanity.”

And so when we talk about forgiving someone, or forgiving ourselves for that matter, we are assuming an underlying guilt for what was done. But as I’ve written in the past, the question of responsibility and the question of guilt are two separate issues.

Because we are a product of our learned experience … that is our ego-mind, not our true self … we are programmed in a certain way. And because of that programming, we often have a different perspective of right and wrong from each other, sometimes subtlety, sometimes dramatically. Not even people within the same social grouping or even family will have the same perspectives because while the global images we receive are the same, we each have had different individual learned experiences.

Because of that programming we think and act the way we do, both towards ourselves and others. The practical impact is that we really have a very narrow range of free will. Certainly not the broad range that is normally assumed. As I’ve often said, no one chooses to be bad or unkind or evil. It’s the way someone is programmed.

Yet as I’ve argued elsewhere, while we may not be guilty in the traditional sense, we still must take responsibility for the actions we take that harm others. This is a requirement of civilized society. The difference this understanding brings is in how the person who harms others is then treated, whether by family and friends or the criminal justice system.

This understanding also informs us that “forgiveness” is not really the appropriate word since forgiveness implies guilt. So for example, we should not talk about forgiving ourselves, for that implies that we are guilty of having made a choice, when in reality there was little choice for us to make; we are who we are. This is not a cop out; it is the truth if one is not far along the spiritual path.

Instead of forgiving ourselves, we should have compassion and accept ourselves. Again, not in the sense that what we did was ok but in the sense that we have compassion for how it came to be. We should take responsibility; we should be aware; and we should have the intent of changing our habit-energy.

Likewise regarding others, whether an individual, a group, or society at large. Instead of trying to forgive them we should work on having compassion for them and accept that they are the way they are for reasons beyond their control, absent strong spiritual work.

One could argue that what I’m saying is a distinction without a difference. Certainly the impact on the person doing the forgiving or having compassion is the same. It relieves them of the suffering caused by anger and resentment.

But it does make a big difference in that forgiveness implies guilt in the Judeo-Christian sense. Therefore using that word continues the false belief of society that people are in total control of their actions and know an absolute right from wrong unless they are insane. That belief has many practical implications, both in the relationship between individuals and in how the criminal justice corrections system operates.

Instead of working towards forgiving people, we should work on having compassion for people and, of course, ourselves. No one would be relieved of responsibility, but our perspective on people’s actions would be based on reality, not some illusion.

See my newly edited and retitled post, “The Stages of Forgiveness/Compassion.”

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