In my previous post on this topic, I discussed the revelation from god that the reason why I did not feel grateful throughout the day, why that wasn't my default state, why I was not filled with wonder was self-loathing. As a result, I began to forgive myself the harm I had caused others and myself – which remarkably was not part of my previous practice despite my 12-step work. I also invited my Buddha nature, my child of the universe, into my subconscious.
But I found that this did not work in that, despite my prayer and intent, although I was feeling more gratefulness and wonder, I have continued to do the things that cause me and my partner pain. And so I went to god again.
Before I began my conversation with god, I had told my partner that he was the one who gave my life meaning, that he was the one who brought me joy, that he was my reason for being. And I felt that strongly.
As soon as I asked my question of god, why I cannot stop this hurtful action, I heard immediately the words of Sister Sharon Johnson: god demands that we love no one more than him. That when we love our spouses, our children, whom- or whatever, more than we love god, this is a sin in his eyes.
Certainly I would not have considered this a sin. A sin is something I do that harms others, is a result of selfishness, and goes against god's commandments concerning such actions.
But one of god's commandments is to love him above all others. One needs to think of this use of the "love" not in the normal sense. Here, this means a single-mindedness of purpose, above any other considerations. It is thus consistent with the Buddha dharma which requires such single-mindedness in order to be free of the ego-mind, the conceit "I am," and thus achieve peace and happiness. It is also consistent with being with the force of the universe. It may seem odd to refer to a popular move, but when in Star Wars Luke is instructed in the ways of the Jedi knights, that single-mindedness of purpose is also critical for the force to be with him; his mind cannot intervene, he must give himself over to the guidance of the universe, the "force."
And so I came to realize that my self-loathing was not because of the harm I have caused others or myself, but because I have sinned by not loving god more than others, not giving myself into his care, not having that single-mindedness of purpose. Indeed, it is clear to me now why suffering is universal, it is because man generally does not place himself in god's hands. All the other causes of suffering are peripheral, tangential.
I should note that there are many, for example Evangelical Christians and ultra-orthodox Jews, who would appear to fulfill this commandment, but who nevertheless suffer, are not at peace and happy. That is because their connection to god is constrained by the admonitions of others, whether it's their pastor or the strictures of ultra-orthodox Jewish practice. Thus people display the form of devotion to god but really their devotion is to the interpretation that man has placed on god's word.
You are a child of god, of the universe. You do not need an intermediary. Go within yourself, listen to your heart, invite your Buddha nature/divinity/child of the universe into your sub-consciousness, be your sub-consciousness, and so be filled with abundance and light, radiate that light, and be a light unto yourself and others.
But I found that this did not work in that, despite my prayer and intent, although I was feeling more gratefulness and wonder, I have continued to do the things that cause me and my partner pain. And so I went to god again.
Before I began my conversation with god, I had told my partner that he was the one who gave my life meaning, that he was the one who brought me joy, that he was my reason for being. And I felt that strongly.
As soon as I asked my question of god, why I cannot stop this hurtful action, I heard immediately the words of Sister Sharon Johnson: god demands that we love no one more than him. That when we love our spouses, our children, whom- or whatever, more than we love god, this is a sin in his eyes.
Certainly I would not have considered this a sin. A sin is something I do that harms others, is a result of selfishness, and goes against god's commandments concerning such actions.
But one of god's commandments is to love him above all others. One needs to think of this use of the "love" not in the normal sense. Here, this means a single-mindedness of purpose, above any other considerations. It is thus consistent with the Buddha dharma which requires such single-mindedness in order to be free of the ego-mind, the conceit "I am," and thus achieve peace and happiness. It is also consistent with being with the force of the universe. It may seem odd to refer to a popular move, but when in Star Wars Luke is instructed in the ways of the Jedi knights, that single-mindedness of purpose is also critical for the force to be with him; his mind cannot intervene, he must give himself over to the guidance of the universe, the "force."
And so I came to realize that my self-loathing was not because of the harm I have caused others or myself, but because I have sinned by not loving god more than others, not giving myself into his care, not having that single-mindedness of purpose. Indeed, it is clear to me now why suffering is universal, it is because man generally does not place himself in god's hands. All the other causes of suffering are peripheral, tangential.
I should note that there are many, for example Evangelical Christians and ultra-orthodox Jews, who would appear to fulfill this commandment, but who nevertheless suffer, are not at peace and happy. That is because their connection to god is constrained by the admonitions of others, whether it's their pastor or the strictures of ultra-orthodox Jewish practice. Thus people display the form of devotion to god but really their devotion is to the interpretation that man has placed on god's word.
You are a child of god, of the universe. You do not need an intermediary. Go within yourself, listen to your heart, invite your Buddha nature/divinity/child of the universe into your sub-consciousness, be your sub-consciousness, and so be filled with abundance and light, radiate that light, and be a light unto yourself and others.
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