Blog Archives

Why Point the Compass towards Tomorrow?

10/31/2012

I did it again! A friend was having a disappointing day and I said, “There’s always tomorrow.” Not, “It’s just the way it is.”

I know better. As regards my own life and my interaction with myself, I never look to the future or hope that tomorrow will be better or different. I know that all things are impermanent and changeable and that things are the way they are right now because it’s just the way it is. Besides, there’s no way of knowing or controlling what the future will bring, so why obsess? The only way to experience peace and contentment is to be present, take joy in each moment, in everything we do, and live life in accord with the Five Precepts. Of course being lay persons, we must deal with the future, we must plan for all sorts of things, but while doing so we must remain present.

Yet for some reason when I come across a friend or someone who is frustrated or disappointed, I offer words of hope about the future, rather than the Buddhist maxim, “It’s just the way it is.” This is not helping the person because it encourages him or her to not be present and to hope for something different in the future. Even when it involves someone who is spiritually advanced and I know is aware of and can handle the reminder that it’s just the way it is, I offer the pablum of hope. Such is the power of our culture's habit energy of looking to the future. It's not that I think about what to say and decide on hope ... it's an automatic reaction. Definitely not mindful.

I have meditated on this more than once. And still I engage is this very non-Buddhist type of encouragement. The Fourth Precept, which includes speaking with loving kindness (in Thich Nhat Hanh’s version), would have me speak to the problem at hand, offer thoughts, or often just be quiet and listen. Definitely not look to tomorrow for things to be different. Instead, do what one can now in the present to possibly bring about a different result. And if it’s totally not in ones power to influence ... like the weather ... then we can only accept that it is the way it is and find the beauty in it.

I will meditate on this once again and try to be more aware before I open my mouth.

Another lesson in practical Buddhism.

1 Comment

Frustration - Our Canary in the Mine

10/28/2012

0 Comments

When you feel frustrated about something, that’s a sure sign that you are engaged in an activity that is not a skillful desire ... not Right Action ... either because it’s not consistent with the Five Precepts or because the desire stems from a lack of equanimity. Frustration is our equivalent of a miner’s canary in the mine ... it is telling us that something is wrong that can hurt us and cause us pain.

When you experience frustration or anger, the first thing you must do is stop. Without stopping you cannot apply your spirituality to the situation. Center yourself by watching your breathing.

To determine whether the activity is just an ego trip or otherwise unhealthy, first ask yourself whether the activity is consistent with the Five Precepts. If it is, then ask, “Could this effort realistically make a difference?” The more macro the effort, the more likely that the answer to this question may be a painful, no. If it is either inconsistent with the Five Precepts or just an extension of your ego, then it is not an example of Right Action and you need to drop the project to regain your sense of peace and contentment.

But if your effort really could make a difference, whether in one person’s life or many, but the problem is that you are approaching it from a lack of equanimity, then … assuming that you have not yet reached the state of practice where you are able to practice nonattachment … you need to find a way to approach the activity in a healthy, non-craving way.

For most types of efforts you will help yourself stay grounded by limiting your time exposure to the activity. Keep your commitment appropriate with your focus on the things that bring you joy, that give you strength, and thus limit any potential negative impact.

You can’t do that with your job, of course. Especially in today’s work environment when there is often pressure to work almost 24/7. But even here, you must not only carve out time for your family and other things that bring you joy … those things must psychologically be the center of your life, not your work. It is a sad statement of our culture that for many people work has become their life; they live to work, not work to live.

A helpful compliment to maintaining the right focus in your life is to remember the teaching … it’s just the way it is … and meditate on that truth. Whatever is bothering you about the effort you are making, it’s just the way it is.

It’s also helpful to remember that we have no control over the future and can have no idea what is going to transpire … therefore why obsess about what will happen? It’s a no-win situation that robs you of your peace in the present, which is where you really need it. Instead, have faith that if you live each day well, in keeping with the five Precepts, the future will take care of itself.

Another tool that helps keep things in perspective is to engage in activities that relax you, calm you (beyond meditation or other Buddhist practices). As adults, most of us have a real deficit in this area. Even activities that we supposedly do to relax us, to get away from things … like playing golf, playing an instrument, shopping, whatever … do not relax us because our ego is involved in those activities. They may be a distraction, but they are not calming.

What you need to do is some activity that puts you in touch with your inner child, that innocent being who was and is still free from the burdens of life and most learned experience. Most adults in our culture are closed off to their inner child; somehow it’s not felt appropriate for adults to engage in childlike behavior or activities. And yet those activities, and the simple laughter that often accompanies them, give one access to the well of innocent joy that only a child experiences. Whether you used to love coloring books, climbing trees, playing with your dog (this is not to be confused with what adults do with their dogs in a dog park), or whatever, allow yourself the simple joy of immersing yourself in such activities with some regularity.

There is a deeper answer, however, to the question of how to stay grounded. There is a line in the classic Chinese poem, Affirming Faith in Mind, that says, “When the mind rests undisturbed then nothing in the world offends. And when no thing can give offense, then all obstructions cease to be.”

We are frustrated in these situations because our ego takes offense when we are not stroked. And the ego takes offense because these situations disturb our mind.

Why do these situations disturb our mind? Because we do not experience them free of labels, free of our past. For most of us these situations touch the deepest insecurities from our childhood about who we are, how we are valued, and whether we are liked or loved. Whenever we put ourselves, our talent, our credibility on the line, this ego insecurity is awakened.

And so the deeper, more fundamental, solution to such frustration is to meditate on the truth that fear, guilt, and shame are learned. We must free ourselves from the past. Whatever made us feel insecure as children, that emotional reaction was a learned experience and does not reflect who we really were or are; it was a cultural or family judgment. And those judgments do not speak the truth; they are labels that reflect cultural biases. So for example, we weren’t “bad,” we just didn’t do as told; we weren’t a “failure,” we just didn’t score well on an exam or make that final basket to win the game; we weren’t “weird” or “sick,” we just had a different sexual orientation.

And so our cultural obsession with “improving” ourselves is not founded on a skillful desire to learn more or do other things, it is based instead on a perception that we are inadequate in some way, that we are failures, and that that needs to be fixed. But we are not inadequate; we are not failures. These perceptions of ours have no intrinsic existence; they are all of dependent origination.

And so we meditate on being at one with ourselves, experiencing ourselves without the intervention of thought. And we meditate yet once again on loving ourselves unconditionally, finding peace and hope in the present.

Another lesson in practical Buddhism.

0 Comments

Why Do We Crave?

10/24/2012

0 Comments

A whole chapter is devoted to this question in my forthcoming book, Scratching the Itch: Getting to the Root of Our Suffering, coming out early next year. But bottom line, the reason why we crave is because we do not love ourselves unconditionally, we do not have compassion for ourselves unconditionally. That is the source of our lack of equanimity that turns otherwise skillful desires into unskillful desires and cravings.

And why do we not love ourselves and have compassion for ourselves unconditionally? It would seem like such a natural state. But we learned as a child ... from family, peers, and the larger culture ... that we were not loved unconditionally and were not shown compassion unconditionally. Our learned experience was that there was something faulty with us or something that wasn’t up to snuff; and it was our fault and we needed to do something about it. Even if as a child your parents and others gave you lots of positive feedback about yourself, you either felt that their love was dependent on your continuing to achieve or there were other things in your upbringing that caused you to feel unloved. That learned experience is the root cause of all our fears and insecurities and form our samsara.

Recently I was talking to someone who was in great psychological and spiritual pain. When I told him that the reason why he was suffering was because he didn’t love himself unconditionally and have compassion for himself, he responded, “Why should I love or respect myself? I’m a failure. I can’t change my life. Nothing I try works out.”

I responded by saying that we are all taught by our families and society not to love ourselves unconditionally and have compassion for ourselves. That is one of the core sicknesses of our culture. And it is so unfair.

We all deserve to be loved unconditionally and be shown compassion just as we deserve to love ourselves unconditionally and have compassion for ourselves. Regardless what we accomplish or don’t accomplish in life, there is no reason why we should stop loving ourselves and having compassion for ourselves. Even if we do something harmful, that is a result of our learned experience, our environment, our samsara; it is a result of how that experience and environment have programmed us. The state or others may impose punishment and we should learn from the experience, but we should not stop loving ourselves and having compassion for ourselves.

Everyone needs to be feel nurtured ... it is one of the four basic needs. (See Chapter 4, The Self in No Self.) Whether it’s through love, respect, or affection, we all need to feel nurtured. What happens when we aren’t nurtured, or nurtured consistently, is that our mind interprets this as telling us that love is conditional. And because being nurtured is a basic need, we tend to obsess about doing whatever needs to be done to win the love and respect of others and thus of ourselves.

It is that obsession that destroys our equanimity and turns an otherwise skillful desire ... such as wanting friends, wanting a loved one, wanting to achieve something ... into an unskillful desire or craving. Our culture is obsessed with self-improvement. It is one thing to learn some new relationship or job skills if done from a place of equanimity; that can be useful. It is another to strive to achieve something or seek to change ourselves in some fundamental way when that desire stems from a lack of acceptance of who we are, from a lack of equanimity.

The Buddha taught that we are all born essentially perfect with the true Buddha nature inside us. Under all the layers of learned experience that create our neuroses and form a barrier between us and our true Buddha nature, that perfect being exists in us throughout our life. Meditate on the fact that our self-perception ... the labels we apply to ourselves ... is illusory, based as it is on the perceptions of others, not on reality. Meditate on loving yourself unconditionally and having compassion for yourself. Meditate on your true Buddha nature.

Another lesson in practical Buddhism.

0 Comments

Do You Really Want to Be at Peace and Content?

10/19/2012

0 Comments

Most, if not all, of us come to Buddhism because we are suffering and we seek to find peace and contentment in our lives. If we receive good teaching, we discover that finding peace and contentment necessitates accepting ourselves and our lives as being the way they are right now, being free of attachments and cravings. It means foregoing the elation at achieving something because after elation we inevitably experience sadness and frustration. It means being present, free of the intervention our ego thinking-mind.

When we learn these facts, the reaction of many is to push back. Yes, we want to experience peace and contentment, but we don’t want to accept our lives as being the way they are, even for a moment. We don’t want to give up the hopes and dreams that get us through the day. We don’t want to give up that wonderful feeling of elation when it comes, even if it is inevitably followed by frustration.

Well, as the saying goes, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You cannot be free of your samsara while allowing the ego to engage in all its fun and games that traditionally have driven you and given your life its sense of purpose. You cannot be free of the pain of frustration while continuing to give in to your cravings.

The experience of a friend of mine who recently experienced great physical pain provides a useful parable. While he was in that pain, his only goal was to heal his injury and be free of pain. All his other goals, his cravings and desires, were set aside. The result was not frustration at not pursuing his desires, but on the contrary peace and contentment as he had rarely felt before. So too, if you are in great pain because of your samsara, your only goal should be to heal yourself spiritually, to free yourself from your mental pain. All desires that interfere with that process must be set aside ... until you are healed.

Which is not to say that your life will be without purpose if you commit yourself to the Buddhist path ... to be a Buddhist is not to be a slug-a-bug ... but your activities and hope and dreams will be skillful because they will come from a place of equanimity, they will not be driven by your ego ... after you are healed.

“How is that?” you may ask. That is a question the answer to which is too complex to cover in a blog posting (see my books, below). But what it requires first and foremost is a commitment on your part to finding peace and happiness, to following the Buddhist path. This can’t just be something you want. Given the psychological and cultural forces arrayed against your achieving this goal, it requires a clear commitment on your part, much the same as someone in a 12-step program needs to be committed to being free of his addiction, and for the same reason, for our cravings and attachments are all ego-addictions. Without such a commitment, you will succumb to the urgings of your ego and you will find no, or at best little, peace and contentment.

Where does one find the strength to make such a commitment? To stand up to the force of our ego and culture? One begins with a deep belief in the teachings of the Buddha. This does not require reading all the sutras. But it does require being aware of and at least accepting the foundation of his teaching ... the impermanence of all things and the illusory nature of all perceptions, that everything we experience is of dependent origination and has no intrinsic existence. And believing that we are all born essentially perfect with our true Buddha nature, and that it remains intact throughout our lives.

Once one finds that belief, then we can proceed with what I call, “creating a platform of serenity,” the take-off point for the deeper exploration of your mind and the truths of Buddhism. Because of what I feel is the essential nature of creating a platform of serenity to making progress on the path of Buddhism, I have included that teaching in the beginning of both, The Self in No Self: Buddhist Heresies and Other Lessons of a Buddhist LIfe, and Making Your Way in Life as a Buddhist: A Practical Guide.

If you seek to walk the Buddhist path, you must realize that the path, finding peace and contentment, is contrary to all your learned experience and the culture we live in. It does not require sequestering oneself from that culture, but it does require finding another way to interact with it and ultimately it does require freeing oneself from your learned experience, from your ego. This typically happens in a slow, incremental fashion. It should not be jarring to your life. Far from it. The more you experience and apply the lessons of the path, the more you will experience peace and contentment.

Remember, there is only one way to experience peace and contentment. It is to be present and experience all things directly, free of the intervention of our ego thinking-mind. Unless we are free of the intervention of our ego mind, there is no end but suffering.

0 Comments

My Meditation Isn't Working!

10/17/2012

1 Comment

A practitioner once said to a monk, “I’ve been meditating for 20 years and nothing has changed.” How often have I heard people complain that their meditation isn’t working. There may be technical reasons for this ... not concentrating on breathing, poor posture, engaging the random thoughts that enter the mind ... but a greater problem is often a misunderstanding of what meditation is about.

The first part of the misunderstanding is that many people think that meditation will solve their problems, their frustrations, their anger, and when it doesn’t they feel they are failures once again. But the purpose of meditation is not to solve problems. The purpose of meditation is to gain clarity about the truths of life and yourself.

As the ancient poem, “In Praise of Zazen,” says: “The gateway to freedom is zazen samadhi, beyond all our praises, beyond exaltation, the pure Mahayana.” Meditation is a gateway, a vehicle, for discovering the truth, experiencing clarity, and uncovering your true Buddha nature.

Which brings up the second misunderstanding. Meditation is a wonderful practice in any context. It brings calm to us in a stressful world. But divorced from the teachings of the Buddha, meditation cannot be the gateway to ending our suffering because it is the context of the Buddha dharma that provides the basis for the clarity that will free you and bring you peace.

We first learn and understand the teachings of the Buddha intellectually. That is the basis for our initial and essential belief in the Buddha dharma. But that is only a first step on the path. It is only through meditation that we internalize them, realize in our innermost being the truth of those teachings and see our life and the world around us clearly, free of our ego and learned experience.

With the clarity you receive through meditation, you then have the ability when you are off the cushion to change your ego-driven habit energies. This is not an easy thing to do, even with clarity ... we’re talking about changing habit-energies, paradigms, that have formed over the course of a lifetime ... but without the clarity that comes from meditation it is impossible.

Even before you are able to change those energies though, to surrender your ego, the clarity you obtain through meditation will make you more aware of how you react to or interact with yourself and others, to see the difference between your ego-driven response and your true Buddha nature response. And with that increased awareness over time will come the strength to slowly let your ego, your past, go ... starting from issues more on the periphery of your life and steadily advancing to those that lie at the core of your samsara.

So the next time you sit on your cushion, don’t look for any answers or solutions. Just concentrate on your breathing while being aware of the environment around you ... meditation is not about closing yourself off to the world ... and let yourself go deep within yourself. Don’t try and force anything. Things will float through your mind ... this is inevitable, what a monk once called “our unfinished business” ... just let them float through, don’t engage them, don’t think about them.

Continue to focus on your breathing when distracted by your mind ... feel your breath move through your body. Sitting quietly and calmly brings great benefit in and of itself. And from that quiet place you will find as your practice deepens that without any mental effort you all of a sudden see something clearly that you hadn’t seen before. But regardless, just remember, “Breathing in, I’m aware of breathing in; breathing out, I’m aware of breathing out” and believe in the teachings of the Buddha.

Another lesson in practical Buddhism.

1 Comment

If This Is Practical Buddhism, Why the Pastoral Setting?

10/16/2012

0 Comments

Most of us live in urban settings. So if I am calling this a practical Buddhist site, one may well ask why I chose a pastoral photo for the home page banner.

The reasons are several. First, in nature we can find all the truths of Buddhism whereas in the urban setting we are overwhelmed by the antithesis of Buddhism ... our contemporary culture Second, in nature we therefore can find inspiration. Third, nature shows us that man has not only failed to use his advanced powers of reasoning to free himself from the violence that is ever-present in nature; man has perverted a facet of nature that is solely a function of self-preservation into everything from a hobby to a line of work to a random act. Let me explore these thoughts further.

In nature we can see clearly the impermanence and changeability of all things. The fact that all things that rise eventually fall. We see that from moment to moment, in aspects both large and small change. And the details of the future are unknowable. We can’t even reliably predict the next day’s weather. We see that all things are interconnected in their existence, whether it’s the flowers that attract the bees which then pollinate fruit trees or myriad other examples of the dependence of the whole ecosystem on the existence and proper functioning of all its elements. Everything in nature is one.

And it is in our view of nature that we can see most clearly the illusory nature of all perceptions, the dependent origination of the five clinging aggregates. We are forever labeling the weather, as we do all things. For some, hot humid weather is unbearable, for others it is comfort. For some the cold of winter and the snow are to be escaped, for others it’s the most wonderful time of the year. And these labels often have psychological consequences.

Yet the weather is the weather ... it is what it is ... it is as objective as something can be. But depending on our learned experience one person reacts very differently to the same weather condition as another person. This is the essence of the truth that our experience of all things is empty of intrinsic existence, that all perceptions are subject to dependent origination. (All things are also empty of intrinsic existence and subject to dependent origination, but that is a function of the science of the natural world.)

Because in nature we find the truths of Buddhism, we should use it as a source of inspiration in our practice as we walk the path. There are precious few living role models for us to follow. If we are lucky, we find a good teacher. But nature is there for us always. The problem is that with each decade, with each passing century, man has removed himself farther and farther from nature. Man’s life used to be inextricably bound to nature. Today for most people, nature is something more to be avoided than to experience, certainly if it’s a question of our creature comfort. Man must find ways to reconnect with nature in a meaningful way, and from that experience go deeper within ourselves and draw strength.

Lastly, it is an inescapable fact that nature is a very violent place. It’s a clear example of survival of the fittest. There are many who point to this violence in nature as justification for man’s violence. They say it’s in our blood, it’s part of our evolutionary biology. But they miss a crucial point. In nature, violence is always a function of self-preservation. Whether it’s a lion killing an antelope for food, or two alpha male wolves fighting to the death over the dominant position in a pack, violence in nature is an example of kill or be killed.

Now there certainly are examples of such violence among men. But for the most part man’s violence ... whether towards animals or each other ... is senseless. Whether it’s recreational hunting, drive-by shootings, or random acts of violence, they are all senseless. They are certainly not a matter of self-preservation. And even those acts of human violence that some might categorize as self-preservation ... gang violence, national wars, sectarian violence ... are usually not really self-preservation because humans choose to fight; few wars start as a matter of self-defense. With their advanced power of reasoning, man has an alternative ... coexisting in peace.

Even the slaughter of animals for food cannot really be said to be for self-preservation as opposed to pleasure because man does not need to eat animals to survive and even prosper. Indeed, the balance of research shows that vegetarians, at least those who include dairy products and eggs in their diet, do better on almost all health indicators than do meat eaters.

And so, I look to nature as a teacher, as an inspiration, as proof of the oneness of all things, and as proof of the insignificance of man in the larger scheme of the universe. Anne Frank said, "The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God, Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be."

0 Comments