After almost 30 years of disciplined Buddhist practice with daily meditation, I have discovered this truth. The reason why I, with disconcerting regularity, find that my mind (ego) has asserted itself and caused me suffering is that I have not renounced my ego and chosen instead to be one with my divinity, the child of the universe that is me.
Clearly, my ego-mind has been in control of my practice. While I have said that I empty myself of myself, I've said "Not me!" to my emotions, and surrendered my ego to my divinity, for example, and I had a clear spiritual intent in so doing, my ego-mind had other ideas and so those words became a rote recital with little meaning other than to make me feel good for the moment.
There is a reason why the Abundance Book says one must renounce one's humanhood (ego) and turn to God, Why Latoya Okela says you must empty yourself of yourself and seek the kingdom of God,
I do not believe in "God," but I do believe in the god that is within me, I do believe in the force of the universe that is in me. And so I now renounce my ego and claim my divine inheritance as a child of the universe, I now choose to be one with the child of the universe that is me.
Only then will I be sustained by the love of god within me. Only then can I feel that that love is the source of my supply, my substance. Only then can I truly rejoice and be happy, awake and be happy. Only then can I truly be aware of all the wonderful things in my life.
Through my years of practice, my life has much improved, for which I am grateful. As I've written, I am mostly at peace, my buttons do not get pushed, I respond to things with dispassion. And that is a blessing. But have I been happy? Not really. Have I felt unburdened? Not really. Have I truly felt grateful for all the wonderful things in my life? Not really.
So I have now, this day, renounced my ego, and chosen to be one with the child of the universe that is me, to be one with the divine presence within me. To truly say, "your will, not my mind's." And so I have been able to truly rejoice and be happy. I am truly aware of all the wonderful things in my life.
There's a saying in 12-step programs that "half measures avail us nothing." While they may get you halfway there, they won't be the home run that brings you home, In this case, home to your true self, your heart.