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Chicken or Egg?

10/30/2013

You know the old question, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” The same question applies to the question of being present free of the intervention of thought. I have written that you can’t be free of the intervention of thought without being present, because by definition if you aren’t present it’s because your thinking mind has taken you off to the future or the past.

On the other hand, I realized while meditating recently that you can’t be present without being free of the intervention of thought for the same reason ... your thinking mind will take you everywhere but to the present.

So which comes first, being present or bring free of the intervention of thought? The answer in this case is not a trick answer like the chicken and egg question. In this case they are both part of the same whole. They come together as a package. The one is not a precondition for the other, they are co-conditional.

So when you are truly focused on your breathing in and breathing out, you are present, free of the intervention of thought. And if your ego or thinking mind arises and tries to pull you away, you will have the awareness to say, “No, I’m not going there; I have compassion for you and appreciate where you’re coming from, but following you leads to nothing but fear and anxiety, frustration, and suffering. I seek my guidance from my true Buddha nature, free of labels, free of the intervention of thought. I have turned my will and my life over to my true Buddha nature and see my life and the world around me through its eyes.”

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Free of Thought - Important Clarification

10/20/2013

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In my posts, I have frequently used the expression “present, free of thought.” That phrase is a reduction of the phrase “free of the intervention of thought.” I guess I came to use it because it’s more neat, more tidy, rolls more easily off the tongue. Or perhaps my thinking mind was seeking to sabotage my practice.

When I was talking with a friend this morning and discussing being free of thought, he brought my attention to the fact that what I was talking about was impossible. One can never be literally free of thought ... which is quite true and which I had never intended to imply.

And yet such is the power of words that by repeating this simple phrase mantra-like over and over again my thinking-mind had taken the words and distorted or indeed perverted their intended meeting so that I had taken to use the phrase as meaning, literally, free of thought ... that is, no thought. And thus it had set up an unwinnable struggle in my mind.

Here I have commented over the years on others who translate or otherwise use phrases which alter the intended meaning or are misleading and create barriers, and I had done that very thing. I will now go back through all my posts and change the phrasing so that the intended meaning is clear on the face of the language.

One can never be free of thought, just like one can never be free of the ego. They are always there. Even the Buddha was not free of thought. One can, however, increase one’s awareness so that when thoughts or the ego-mind arises, you can acknowledge it, have compassion for it, but say firmly that you are not going there and are now seeking guidance from your true Buddha nature.

You know through your Buddha mind that all feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness-ego are learned experience, and thus of dependent origination with no intrinsic existence. By experiencing things, observing, directly without the intervention of thought, you are able to see things as they really are and all suffering and doubt cease. This is the teaching of the Heart Sutra. That is why we turn our will and our lives over to the care of our true Buddha nature. (For more on the Heart Sutra, see the Heart Sutra page on this website.)

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The Misleading Teaching of No Self

10/17/2013

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The teaching of “no self” presents a problem for many people trying to walk the path. As an example, I noted in my book, The Self in No Self, the story, as reported in the New York Times of a Zen master who had become disturbed by his inability to synthesize his Buddhist practice ... his no self ... with the continuing evidence of his individuality, his psychological markings. And so he went to a psychiatrist for help!

In my book, I argued that this seeming conflict flows from a basic misunderstanding of the Buddha’s teaching, taking the concept too literally or absolutely. “One may perceive the intrinsic emptiness of all five skandhas and be at one with all things, free of ego, and in this sense have no self, and yet still have a self.” I posited that the self that is part of one’s true Buddha nature is one’s unborn spirit, one’s elemental nature.

Recently when I was meditating, I came to a further understanding of the clear separation between the question of ego, which is clearly not a part of one’s self and the question of no self. It seemed to me that we all have a self which is our true Buddha nature and which goes beyond our elemental nature. This is consistent with my writings on “The Four Basic Needs” in my book ... when we are born, that baby clearly lets others know it’s primal needs.

That baby definitely has a self although it is free of thought and thus free of ego at that stage. And it is to that elemental nature and primal self that our ego ultimately attaches as a result of our learned experiences.

Thus I came to question the teaching of “no self” more strongly. It wasn’t just that there was a self in no self, it’s that the teaching of no self seemed wrong, opposed to the evidence of our lives.

And with that thought, I went back to the authoritative book, The Life of the Buddha, by Bhikkhu Nanamoli, to see what the Buddha actually said on this subject. As a note, most of the passages in this book are taken directly from the Pali canon, which is the most immediate and direct presentation of the Buddha’s life and teachings.

What I found, and had surprisingly missed on previous readings, was that the teaching of “no self” is not a teaching of the Buddha. Instead, this is yet another example of a translation having been used for English fluidity but having the unfortunate consequence of changing the meaning for it’s intended Western audience and creating barriers.

What the Buddha did, at various times, was enumerate all the things that were “not self.” He said to his disciples, "If it causes you suffering, it is not you, it is not yours, it is not your self." Basically all the things that make up our ego, our learned experience, the clinging aggregates, the cause of our suffering. For example, he said that form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness are impermanent, of dependence origination, and are not self. In “The Doctrine,” he stated that these attributes should be regarded as, “This is not mine, this is not what I am, this is not my self.”

While we thus have a clear statement of what is not self, the Buddha does not provide a similar statement for what is self. I would argue, however, that the very phrase "not self" implies that the Buddha thought there was a self; that is the point of reference. He also went on to say, "Your self would not cause you suffering."

At one point, the Buddha is asked whether the self exists. He doesn’t respond. Then he is asked if the self doesn’t exist. He again doesn’t respond. When Ananda asks him afterwords why he did not answer the question, the Buddha said that regardless how he would answer, it would be confusing because it would contradict some other aspect of the teaching or would confirm one point of view versus another. In this as in other instances, we find that there is no right answer because all is one; there is just one’s true Buddha nature.

After arriving at these conclusions, I did a Google search to make sure that I wasn’t missing something. What I found was that teachers far more learned than I have made basically the same points. The doctrine of “no self” is not a teaching of the Buddha.

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Humbling Myself

10/15/2013

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Recently I was working on a project. It was difficult, but I finally completed it and was happy with the results. I went to show it to a friend who was independently working on the same project. When he commented negatively on a few aspects of my work, I reacted very brusquely, defensively, condescendingly. I definitely did not speak to him with loving kindness.

When I meditated the next morning, I was once again amazed how despite my years of disciplined practice and my further progress in the past few months on walking the path and finding peace and happiness, my ego was still fully capable of a sneak attack when I wasn’t aware. Clearly I was prideful when I completed my work and that caused my inappropriate reactions to my friend’s comments, all of which by the way were well-taken.

During my meditation, I thought about my past efforts at deflating my ego (for those moments when I am not aware, not present free of the intervention of thought), by confirming the fact that I am no better than others or more capable (see my post on that subject). And I realized that while that practice had been quite effective as far as it went, it did not deal with the issue of pridefulness.

No, I realized that what I needed to do was humble myself before my true Buddha nature, before my fellow man, and before all elements of the universe. And I needed to acknowledge my pridefulness, have compassion for it and understand where it was coming from, but say firmly that that is the past and that I am now seeking guidance from my true Buddha nature, just as I did with my fears and other expressions of my ego-mind.

I have nothing to fear from being humble in this competitive, aggressive world we live in because regardless whether someone takes advantage of my humility, all will be well. I will always have my inner strength, my true Buddha nature and I will experience joy because I will continue to offer others joy and help relieve the suffering of others regardless of the situation I’m in.

The next few mornings I continued to meditate on humbling myself and found, similar to when I realized that I had nothing to prove, that I felt as though a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt free. Rather than losing a source of strength, I was in fact gaining strength by humbling myself.

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The Subconscious

10/4/2013

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By its very nature, we are not aware of what our subconscious is doing. Yet it can have as much impact on our spiritual state as our conscious thinking mind. That may sound like a “Duh!” comment, but I became aware of this when I was brought back recently to the question of why my facial muscles so often exhibit a tenseness, if not a frown. It’s not that I’m not smiling; it’s that my face isn’t relaxed.

When I first became aware of this years ago, I purposefully brought a smile to my face and found that this in turn brought an immediate uplift to my spirits. Just releasing the facial tension made me feel lighter and filled with happiness. This is what Thich Nhat Hanh calls “mouth yoga.” But I found that the smile and its impact were fleeting because it was mechanical and I was quickly distracted.

Then one day while meditating, I realized that if I were able to be aware every moment of the wonderful things in my life right then at each moment, without attaching, I would smile mindfully and naturally every moment. Even if I was focused on some concern of mine, I would at the same time be mindful of the things that brought joy to my life.

That was my first effort. And this practice worked, at least as long as I worked it. And when I didn’t, when my ego-mind pulled me away from this discipline, the frown and tension returned.

Obviously, smiling mindfully was a bandaid; something deeper continued to pull me away from the path. This experience raised a question in my mind … if I was generally in a state of peace and contentment, then why was the default status of my face a frown or tense expression?

Generally we frown for various reasons … our culture is so focused on wanting what we don't have (not necessarily something material) and on proving ourselves through competition, and we are so attached to the past and obsessed with the future that most of us are in an almost constant state of some degree of frustration or concern, whether consciously or not. If we are frustrated, we are not happy, and that agitation shows in our facial expression.

Was my frowning a sign of deep underlying frustrations and insecurities in my gut that my practice had not yet touched? Were the troubles of the world and especially U.S. politics so overburdening and vexing? As a Buddhist I derive joy from the happiness of others, but the corollary is also true, I derive sadness from the pain of others and we are made aware of such pain every day.

Or was this default position merely a product of decades of negative muscle training brought about by my samsara-filled life? I know from my baby photos and family anecdotes that before I was burdened by my ego and learned experience I always had a smile on my face. My father called me his “sunshine.”

My hunch was, “all of the above.” But at the time I didn’t pursue this “issue” further. My focus was on other matters.

But after being brought back to this question recently, I realized that the principal underlying reason for my facial tension is that while I may be present free of conscious thought for parts of the day as a result of my practice, my subconscious is always thinking. It is indeed in an almost constant state of some degree of frustration or concern. And so long as my subconscious is in that state, there would always be an underlying tenseness in me.

What to do? I reflected on the fact that when I am tense or upset, by focusing on my breathing I can quickly return to a space of peace and calm. The focus on my breathing takes me out of myself, meaning out of my thinking mind, my ego. That is also what we do during meditation. And that I knew was precisely what I needed to stop this background noise of subconscious thought.

And so I tried an experiment. One day, I tried to be constantly aware of my breath, and, at the suggestion of a friend, relax my body with each breathing out. Surprisingly I found this easier and more natural than anything I had previously tried to increase my periods of awareness. Regardless of what I was doing, I found I was able at the same time to be conscious of my breath for much of the day.

And by so doing, I was present, free of not just conscious thought, but as the day went on I felt that I was also free of subconscious thought because without question my facial muscles relaxed. I was’t smiling, but my face was relaxed. And I felt light, free.

I have continued this practice for several weeks now and the results have been noticeable. After a lifetime of compulsively analytical thought about my life and everything around me, which was entrenched in my subconscious, focusing on my breathing throughout the day, together with relaxing my body on breathing out, has pulled me out of my ego-mind and allowed me to reach a new stage in my practice

The question now is whether I will have the discipline to continue this practice or, like other efforts I have made in this regard, get pulled away by my old habit-energies. Staying mindful throughout the day is always a challenge. But as I experience directly the power and freedom of being present, free of the intervention of thought, I am finding that with each passing day, it is becoming more my default mode rather than something I have to purposefully experience.

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