In my last post on this subject, the iteration of this saying was, "It's just the way it is; it's meant to be and it's all ok."  In sitting with this maxim, I was bothered by the connotation that things were not, on some level, good.  The phrase, "it's just the way it is," sounds like you're referring to something that is not to your liking; it sounds like resignation.

And so I rephrased the mantra to say, "Things are the way they are because it's meant to be, and it's all ok."  Things could be something that your ego-mind found wonderful or not; it makes no difference. The point is that everything that you experience is meant to be and so you are at peace with it.

I should repeat what I explained earlier about the phrase "meant to be."  The phrase does not mean that God or some higher power caused it to happen; there is no great puppeteer in the sky. It just means that either the force of the universe, its physical laws, or the laws of man's developed nature caused it to happen.  The phrase "it's all ok," does not refer to the experience but rather to the faith that I will be ok—at peace—regardless what I experience in life because I am one with the Universe and so at peace.

There is something else to say about the force of the Universe.  In an earlier post I explained that I realized that what I used to think was happenstance—everything good that has happened in my life I realized was a result of happenstance—did not happen by accident. They did not just happen.   Instead the universe put me and the other person or object in the same place and it then depended on me, it was my responsibility, to see the light, to be aware of the guidance, and pursue what the universe presented to me. See my post, "Happenstance, Part II."

You've heard the phrase, "The Lord works in mysterious ways."  The same could be said of the force of the Universe; it is unknowable.

When I go through my day, whatever happens, I respond that it's meant to be. And that brings with it an enormous peace.  Nothing offends me; I embrace all aspects of my being and existence.

Part of my prayer/meditation every morning is to seek support for my intent to choose to be one with Buddha/god/the Universe every moment of every day, to be one with the child of the Universe within me. To invite him into my subconscious, to be my subconscious.

The reason why this is in my daily prayer is that if I am not one with the Universe, I am not at peace because I am subject to the control of my ego-mind, to the assertions of the devil. And it is clear from my life that no matter how far I've come with my practice, unless I am in fact one with the Universe every moment of the day, while generally in a peaceful state because of the depth of my practice, I am still subject to the assertion of the five skandhas in a weak moment, subject to fear, anxiety, pride, loneliness, etc.

And so I must ask the question of how I can be one with the Universe every moment of every day. One thought that has obvious merit is to be aware every moment of the existence of the Universe all around you.

Regardless whether I am in nature, in a building, regardless what I am doing, the evidence of the force of the Universe is omnipresent if I choose to be aware of it.

If I am in nature, the evidence is clear. If I am in a building, the evidence is in everything used in the construction of the building, for it is all a function of the miracle of the Universe.  And I'm not just talking natural products like wood. Even man-made products like paint, a refrigerator, or a light bulb are a product of the Universe because it has provided the building blocks that man has used to create the product. Also, the very creation of man-made product is evidence of the force of the Universe, since these discoveries were not the result of man's mind—much as he would like to think it is—but is the result of the guidance of the Universe.

In short, if I am aware of the miracle of the Universe all around me every moment of the day, I will be with the Universe/god/Buddha every moment of the day.

But easier said than done. As I have attempted to put this into practice, the problem that I've had is that I am not a monk devoted to spiritual activity throughout the day.  Instead, between my being focused on my work and this contact with the universe being so foreign to my daily, hourly, experience, I have not been successful in being aware of the universe around me throughout the day,

The answer is that spiritual awareness doesn't just come to someone, even if you have a deep spiritual practice.  Somehow I must come to see all my work as a spiritual exercise, my every action, my every thought as a spiritual exercise. Everything that I do must be seen as being an expression of the child of the Universe within me, and so being part of the Universe's grand scheme.

As a step in that direction, I sat down and reviewed my activities during the day— everything from the moment I waked to going to bed, whether I was eating, driving through the countryside, interacting with colleagues and patients at work, going food shopping, reading. 

While all my activities were done from a place of peace, some of them were more spiritually infused—such as interacting with patients— than others. But I clearly saw the potential for all my activities and thoughts being an expression of the child of the Universe within me. It didn't seem like a stretch at all.

Stay tuned.

I have written several posts about the importance of discipline in one's practice. That among other things, without the discipline of daily practice, of that daily reminder and recommitment to your spiritual approach to life, you will most likely not have the spiritual armor you need to withstand the messages coming from your ego-mind and from the world around you every day. 

It doesn't matter how many years you have been walking the path or how far you've come, your ego-mind is always waiting in the background to assert itself and sabotage your practice, causing you suffering. Your ego mind will always be part of you; there is nothing in the Buddha dharma that removes, or even has the intent of removing, the ego from one—it just provides a way to focus on your true self and not pay attention to the ego-mind.

That much said, one must also understand that one's daily practice—whether one calls it meditation or prayer or some combination of the two—is only as good as what you bring to it.  There's a saying, "trash in, trash out," that can be applied to your meditation or prayer. If the components of your practice are not based on the Buddha dharma, if they seek a less demanding way to end your suffering, then I can pretty well guarantee that your practice, even if daily, will not be effective in ending your suffering, in freeing you from the control of your ego-mind.

I have attempted in my posts to share with you what the elements of a practice should be, to present you with a combination of elements that will result in your peace and happiness. My own understanding of those elements has changed somewhat over time and my often falling "off the wagon" in my practice. Each of those incidents has been an opportunity for me to learn what needs to change in my practice and for it to go deeper. 

The challenge of freeing yourself from your ego-mind and thus ending your suffering cannot be over-estimated. It is only in the last year perhaps—after more than 30 years of daily practice—that I can report that I am generally at peace and happy 24/7 with only an occasional and brief assertion of my ego-mind. While my ego-mind was often still in control of me during those years and so I suffered—and made others suffer—with some regularity, I certainly benefited from my practice by experiencing much peace and happiness; I was no longer in constant turmoil.

The psyhological benefits of walking the path are great, even in the beginning when one's practice has not gone that deep. Do not get discouraged, keep your eye on the prize, and keep refining your practice—learn from your failings—so that your life walking the path is one of constant renewal, increasing your connection with your true Buddha nature, the diviity within you, the child of the Universe within you until you are one. At that point faith and mind will not be separate, not separate will be mind and faith, and you will be at peace and happy as never before.

That sounds like an odd statement for a Buddhist post. It's common thinking that so many people have an inflated opinion of themselves; their ego has created a self-image that bears down on others they view as of lesser value. One automatically thinks of our current President when reading this.

But people who have inflated egos, who think highly of themselves, are at a deeper level terribly insecure and have a very negative self-image. In fact, the more inflated the self-image, the greater the feeling of insecurity; the one compensates for the other. So such people really do not think highly of themselves; it's only the coping mechanism that they've developed over the years for not facing the reality of their self-image.

While there are indeed many people who fall into this category, there are many more who don't feel good about themselves. Period. As someone who has spent years teaching in elementary and middle schools, I can attest that the number of people who have low self-esteem far exceeds those who appear to have high self-esteem.

But regardless of the self-image one projects, low self-esteem—insecurity—internally eats up the soul.  There's a German movie titled, "Angst Frisst die Seele Auf," which translates as "fear devours the soul," but the German word "auffressen" is a more scary, negative word than either "eat" or even "devour"; more accurate than the English. And it is more descriptive of what I'm talking about.

Not feeling good about yourself is the most crippling thing people face in going forward with their lives and relating to others.  Where does this feeling come from?  As with all of the skandhas, it comes from the negative things we have been taught to think about ourselves or experienced, especially early in life.  

It's not just children who have alcoholic or otherwise abusive parents who have this problem. Even children who grow up in generally loving environments experience things which unintentionally have a negative impact on them. And when the ego develops at around age 3, it hangs on to these negative experiences, which is why our memory always seems to bring up unpleasant experiences, not pleasant ones.

So now the question is, if you've been burdened with low self-esteem and insecurity your whole life, how do you free yourself from this self-image so that your suffering ends and you experience peace and happiness.  That is of course the subject of most of the posts in this blog and of my books: how to free yourself from the control of your ego-mind.

But in "25 words or less," what it involves is coming to understand 1) that your ego is not your true self, and that your true self is your heart (see my post, "How to Free Yourself from the Control of Your Ego-Mind"), and 2) that you are a child of the universe and as such were born essentially perfect, a miracle, with the force of the universe embedded within you. (see my post, "The Miracle That Is You" and my book, Discover Your Power).

When you come to this understanding of who you really are, then you can start being truly good to yourself—not in the sense of indulging yourself—but in the sense of reacting to yourself and the world around you in a way that allows the peace and happiness that is your birthright to manifest itself.

Many of the posts on this site are about freeing yourself from the control of your ego-mind, from the destructive thoughts that overwhelm you and cause you suffering. Why do these thoughts have such power?  

I often say how deeply rooted these thoughts are in your psyche, but that still leaves the question. Even when we are aware of how destructive, debilitating, these thoughts are and have the intent to say "no" to them and choose a different response, they overwhelm whatever defenses we have erected to change our modus operandi.

I should make clear that even forming the intent to say "no" to these thoughts is a huge challenge. Our ego-mind does not like us to question its authority and it will fight you with everything at its disposal.

The first thing to realize is that these destructive thoughts, these attitudes, this self-image, have been a part of us for basically our whole lives.  From the time we were born, feelings of insecurity have developed in us because of our interaction with others—whether it was our often well-meaning and loving parents, our siblings, or the world around us—and from those feelings of insecurity, all the other negative thoughts about ourselves and our relation with those around us formed.

Our ego-mind has told us that the way we think about ourselves and the world around us protects us, keeps us from being hurt, whereas in fact they do just the opposite. "How," you may ask, "could the ego-mind feel that having negative thoughts about yourself—like being stupid or ugly or bad—protect you?"

A good question.  We feel such thoughts protect us because 1) we believe the labels, and 2) by being aware of our shortcomings, we do not venture into areas, projects. relations that would hurt us.

But in fact, by not venturing into areas—with strength—that would show us a different aspect of ourselves, we are hurting ourselves, because we are not growing. What the ego does do is throw us a double-whammy, because while it causes us to feel inferior, it causes us to reach out to things that would prove the falseness of our self-perception, and when we inevitably fail, we feel even more defeated. 

The ego-mind is teaching us a lesson. But we fail not because of something inherent in us, but because we do not undertake these efforts from strength, we venture forth out of weakness and that is what causes us to fail.

Another reason why these thoughts are so powerful is that in some sense many of the thoughts make us feel self-righteous or powerful. For example when we get angry—which is often a very debilitating emotion—we like being angry because we feel self-righteous.  And so it is very hard to stop anger, even when we are aware that it tears us apart.

The final reason why these thoughts are so powerful is that we do not have within ourselves a sufficiently grounded and powerful counterforce to allow us to have the ability to say "no" to the ego-mind with consistency. Many of you go to temple, meditate occasionally, or read spiritual books, but most people supposedly walking the path have not really made a commitment to follow the path, the teachings of the Buddha.

I wrote a post once called, "Do You Really Want to Be At Peace and Content?"  Before you say, "Of course" read the post. The point is that achieving incorporating the Buddha dharma in your life with faith and discipline is something that most people—including those that are walking the path and going to temple—do not want to do. They like the idea of peace and contentment, but they are not willing to follow the clear path that Buddhism lays out for achieving that end. Because it is inconvenient, requiring us to change almost all of our habit-energies.

And so the Buddha nature within them, the child of the Universe within them, never has a chance to grow, let alone grow strong. The seeds do not receive the necessary watering, resulting in there being no internal force to stand up against the howling winds of the ego-mind. And so we continue to suffer.

We have all been there—a time when nothing we try gets any traction. Whether it's relationship building, job hunting, marketing creative projects such as books or plays. Not only aren't we getting good feedback on our efforts, but frequently we don't get any feedback at all—just rejection, usually in the form of silence, no response, or at best a form rejection with no helpful information.

A little of this, most people can take.  But when it goes on and on, for years, regardless what we try or how we try, what is one to make of this?  

Is the Universe trying to tell us something? Often, the things we are trying to do are things that we feel we have been guided to do by God, the divinity within us, by the universe—they are an expression of who we are. Is the Universe saying that we have been guided by a delusion and that we should cease this area of activity? If so, what do we do then?

The hostile environment of the world around you is constantly assaulting your faith. For many, if to most, people, faith is connected with a belief that what we seek will come about. But that is not Buddhist faith. There is no spiritual manipulator, puller of strings in the sky, that works to insure that what we desire comes to be.

Instead, Buddhist faith is rooted in faith in the Buddha's teaching—that if we return home to our true Buddha nature and free ourselves from cravings, that we will not suffer, that we will experience peace and happiness, regardless what is going on around us or to us.  See my post, "Regardless."

That is the only answer when the future looks bleak. It isn't changing what you are doing, it's changing how you think about what you're doing.  It's being able to say, "If it happens, great.  If it doesn't happen, that's ok too."

Paradoxically perhaps, when you adopt that position—when you are not so devoted to what you are doing—it makes it more likely, easier, for you to look clearly at past efforts and decide to approach things differently; not to give up your dreams, but to try a different tack. This makes your chance of achieving your dream more likely.

I certainly don't mean to make light of the desperation that many feel when faced with this situation.  The path to live in this world, follow your instincts, and not be caught in cravings and attachments is clear.  But because it goes against everything that we were raised to do and that our culture supports, it certainly requires a lot of work and much discipline. 

This whole blog is about the work that has to be done and the discipline with which it must be approached to see things clearly and end your suffering. But it is possible, said by someone who has finally come to live in that place of peace and happiness.
​

I have often written of the importance of discipline in one's practice.  But the issue of such importance and a challenge for so many people, that I think another post devoted to the subject is warranted.

Whenever I've attended sanghas, whether in large cities or small, whether temple-connected or independent ones such as Shambhala, one of the most frequent problems I observed was that very few of the members had much discipline in their practice. And by "discipline" I mean two different things.

First, almost no one I knew in these sanghas had a disciplined daily practice, meaning that regardless what was going on, they meditated every day. Most didn't even try to have a daily practice and those that did found that the events of the day often interfered with their intent to practice. 

Second, when people meditated, they did not have a routine that they followed with affirmations, chants, prayer, etc.  Part of each meditation should be open-ended, but a large part should be somewhat scripted.

The reason why both of these aspects of discipline are critical is because in walking the path, you are trying to change the paradigms of your life, the paradigms of a lifetime. And you are doing it on your own, typically with no support from anyone around you other than the sangha. Not only do you not have support, everyone around you—family, peers, media— and within you—your ego—daily bombard with you negativity and harmful advice.

Some of this you may be aware of, but the bad advice coming from within you, from your ego, is probably not something that you are aware of or accept that it is the fact. Your ego is rooted so deeply within you and is the basis of your self-image, that to question your ego is to question your very existence.

Let me talk about the two different aspects of discipline. First, daily practice. Your are trying to walk the Buddhist or some other spiritual path. That path is contrary to how you've been raised to react to life, so it involves a major change for you. Also, there is the fact that every day you are assaulted by negative stimuli from the world around you as well as bad advice—not in your best interest—coming from your ego. See my post, "Ego - Changing Your Relationship With It."

Because we live in such a hostile—to our best interests— world, and because we were not raised to deal with it in a healthy way, it is critical that we meditate every day. We need the reinforcement of our faith and a reminder of the truth every day in order to be consistent in our rejection of the world's negativity and find peace and happiness in our lives.

But how to have a disciplined daily practice when we have so much to do every day and are constantly interrupted by people who want us to do something? The answer is to meditate first thing in the morning after you get up.  That is what I have been doing for more than 30 years and I have never missed a day of meditation regardless where I was or whether I was sick.

I get out of bed, freshen my face and do my "mirror time" (see my post "Mirror Time"), and then start my meditation/prayer. Afterwards I shave, shower, etc. Try it.  If you are living by yourself, you may be able to do something similar in the evening, but for most people who have a family or live with someone else, first thing in the morning is the only dependable way to have a disciplined daily practice.

The second aspect of discipline is to have consistent content to your meditation. Why is this important?  Again, it has to do with the fact that you are attempting to change your habit-energies, the paradigms of a lifetime.  The truths you have learned from the Buddha dharma and your intents need to be repeated every day as a reinforcement of your faith and intent as well as a reminder of what you are trying to do. This is your spiritual armor as you go through the day.

The other thing I have found valuable in this practice, is that when I recite the truths or my intent, if during the previous day I have done anything contrary to these truths or my intent, it come sto the fore and I have the opportunity in my meditation to sit with what I did, why I did it, and what I should have done instead. This has been immensely valuable to me in both going deeper into my practice and changing my habit-energies.

May you experience peace and happiness.

We are bombarded every day by negative messages from the world around us—whether it's the media, for example telling us how we should look to feel good about ourselves, or peers or family disparaging us in some way. We also are pulled every day by the force of our ego-mind that insists we do things which in reality are not good for us and cause us much suffering.

How do we resist this constant assault from both without and within? It's not enough just to sit on your cushion and meditate. It's not just about the process of meditation or prayer, it's the substance that is of vital importance.

Think of it as building a forcefield around you that these negative stimuli cannot penetrate.  Years ago, I wrote a post about building such a forcefield, "Change Your Life by Changing the Direction of Its Energy Flow."

I have since come to realize that the process of changing both the direction and quality of your energy flow consistently is more difficult; it's not just a matter of intent and discipline—you must free yourself from the control of your ego-mind. Here are what I now understand to be the steps in that process.

First. the absolutely necessary step is that you connect with your true self—whether you see that as your heart, the true Buddha nature inside you, or the child of the Universe within you.  And you must at the same time acknowledge that your ego—what you have always considered your self—is in reality your false self.  There are posts and books I've written about this process; see in particular the books How to Find Inner Peace and Discover Your Power.

Once you have learned to distrust what your ego-mind is telling you to do and instead ask and listen to your heart, it becomes much more likely that you will be able to maintain your heart's natural peace and end your suffering.  Remember, the root of all suffering is our cravings, and cravings are a function of the ego-mind. Once you are in touch with your heart, changing the direction of your energy flow to outward rather than inward is almost automatic.

Once you have absorbed these truths, not just intellectually but deep within yourself, there are other steps you need to take to strengthen the forcefield around you. One of the most important is understanding that things are the way they are—whether past, present, or future—because it's just the way it is; it's meant to be; it's all ok. This is of critical importance because your rejection or upset or fear of something—your being offended by something—is what starts the process of your thinking or acting (under the guidance of your ego-mind) in ways that create suffering and disturb your peace. And your outward energy flow in such a case will be decidedly negative.

When I say "it's meant to be," I don't mean that some celestial source manipulated things to bring this about, I mean that the laws of nature or the "laws" of the way man has developed have brought this about. There is no judgment here; it just is.

And when I say, "It's all ok," I mean that spiritually you will be ok, safe, regardless what is happening around you or to you—regardless whether you have been physically assaulted or are in prison or homeless— because you will always return home to your heart and be at peace and happy. Regardless. (See my post, "Regardless.")

Once you have gained this understanding, then you are ready to practice The Heart's Embrace.  (See my post, "The Heart's Embrace.") In this meditation, you acknowledge that any childhood trauma your experienced is just the way it was. You acknowledge that any disappointments or anger you experience in the present is regarding things that just are.  And you acknowledge that the future brings whatever it brings, que sera sera. There is no victimhood in this scenario,  When you do that meditation, nothing will offend, all internal and external struggle ceases, and you know you have everything inside yourself to be at peace and happy.

Another step that is critical is that you form the intent to change the way you react to things, etc.  This is important because, again, you are attempting to change the patterns of a lifetime, your habit-energy. This is not easy. And so you need to form the intent to love yourself unconditionally, to be strong and find your strength in your faith, etc. Once you are able to form these intents to change your habit-energy—which is a challenge in and of itself—it makes it easier, more likely, that you will actually be able to implement these changes.

The last thing I want to mention is the importance of daily meditation and prayer.  The barrage we face every day is so unrelenting and our ego-mind is so powerful and deeply rooted within us, that we need to constantly reinforce the positive forces within us. And that is the purpose of daily meditation/prayer.  

And I practice what I preach. Over the last 33 years, I have not missed one day of meditation/prayer—whether I've been at home, whether I've been sick, whether I've been traveling.  Nothing interferes with my meditation/prayer practice. A major reason why I have not missed a day, besides discipline, is that I meditate first thing in the morning after I get up so that nothing can interfere with my intent to meditate.

When you have accomplished these steps, found your positive outward energy flow, and stopped absorbing negative energy from the world around you, you will feel a peace and lightness of spirit that is your birthright.

Many people have faith or pray, but their faith and prayer is tied to something happening that they desire. If it happens, great.  If it doesn't, they question their faith or their prayer—they ask whether their higher power is there for them.

They've got it all wrong.  Faith and prayer have nothing to do with something happening, it cannot be dependent on that.  Remember: we are talking here about faith in your true self, your heart, the child of the Universe inside you, not in some external spirit that pulls the strings of life.

The point of faith is that you know that the God/the Universe within you loves you and that you will be ok regardless what happens to you or around you because you have returned home to your true Buddha nature/the child of the Universe within you and so nothing can disturb your heart's peace and happiness. (See my posts, "Buddhism and the Divine" and "The Miracle That Is You.") The world is controlled by men and what men do has everything to do with them, their ego, and has nothing to do with God, the Universe, the spirit.—even when they say they are doing God's work. But despite this, you see all things with equanimity; nothing offends.

You may in your prayer tell the Universe what you desire, and you may imagine receiving what you desire (see my post, "Prayer") but your faith is not dependent on that desire being fulfilled. The most the Universe will do in response to your prayer is present you with a happenstance that gives you the opportunity to act and fulfill your desire. (See my post, "Happenstance - Part II.")

But if it is not meant to be, if it is truly not in your best interest (if you asked yourself, "Is this right for me?" you would get an answer which you may or may not listen to), then it will not happen. This is what is meant by "turning your will and your life over to God" or "let go and let God." You cannot allow your mind to control your thoughts or your actions as it brings you nothing but suffering.

The key word here is "regardless."  Whether your heart's desire is fulfilled or whether you are homeless or in a concentration camp, if you have come home to your true self, to the child of the Universe within you, then truly nothing will disturb your peace and happiness. That state is not dependent on anything external to you; it is only dependent on your continued faith and contact with your true self. Hard as it may be to imagine, you will be at peace regardless.
​

People have all sorts of goals in life, whether it concerns their work, their relationships, their finances. And it is these goals that drive them. 

While these matters are understandably important to the individual, these goals are a product of the ego-mind, of a person's insecurity and past life experiences. They are both the result of and the source of much unsettling emotion and frustration. 

These emotions are like landmines to your practice. In walking the Buddhist or any other spiritual path, it is therefore important to find a way to incorporate these desires into one's practice so that you can address them without their becoming cravings that cause frustration and suffering.

The starting point is that for anyone walking the path, the only "goal" should be to be at peace and happy.  And if we are one with our Buddha nature/the divinity within us/the child of the Universe within us, then we know that we have everything inside us that we need to be at peace and happy. We need nothing more or different than the way things are right now. 

Regardless what is going around us or is being done to us, we do not let anything disturb our heart's peace and happiness, and if we are aware of something disturbing us, we say, "no," and return to the guidance of our heart. I'm not saying that these things that disturb are not important; the "trick" is to address those issues not with your mind but with you heart.  See my post,"The Heart's Embrace."

It is within this context that you should consider your desires. To have desires that don't disturb your peace and happiness, that don't become cravings, include your desires in your prayers and in your imaginings. This requires great awareness and discipline; it is otherwise very easy to fall back into the control of our ego-mind, it is that strong and aggressive. 

In your prayers, ask to be given the opportunity, the happenstance, to pursue your dreams while clearly stating that if they come to be, that would be great; but if they don't, that would be ok too. This expression and feeling of equanimity is critical to addressing your desire as part of prayer rather than their becoming cravings. You will need to "put some skin in the game," but you will be able to do so without getting frustrated or anxious,

Depending on the particular desire, this can be very challenging.  For example, if your goal is to get a job or make some money (if currently unemployed), it's very hard saying to yourself that it's ok if it doesn't happen because that goes against everything you have been taught and feel.  But if you are one with the Buddha nature within you/the child of the Universe within you, then you know you will be ok regardless, and you need to keep that foremost in your mind and heart..

Again, if you are one with the child of the Universe within you, you know you will be ok, safe, regardless what life provides because you know you have everything inside you that you need to be at peace and happy. And so there is no need that drives your desire to become a craving.