Many years ago, I wrote two posts about freeing yourself from fear. Everything I said in those posts is true, including the comment that I know that fear will keep on rising, despite all the awareness I expressed in those posts, because my ego is so strong and the fear of not being happy so ingrained.
And so while I have truly been free of fear regarding many things in my life, regarding the neuroses that are most central to my conditioning – that I am not worthy of happiness, that I am not a likable or lovable person – I remained filled with fear. Whenever that particular fear was activated, I was helpless, incapacitated, paralyzed and was not able to draw on my knowledge of the fact that fear is just a product of the mind and has no intrinsic existence.
Until the other night when my fear struck again with the usual unpleasant results, because when I am gripped by fear, I cannot exercise good judgment and so do exactly what I should not do at that moment.
But on this occasion, I expressed my fear to my friend, and he told me what I needed to hear. Note: Over the past year or two, as you know from my posts, I have added prayer to my meditation and have come to know that things are the way they are because it just as it is, it is meant to be and all is ok. And being in that state choose to be one with god, with the child of the universe within me, inviting him into my subconscious, to be my subconscious. (See my post, "Seeking the Guidance of Buddha/God/the Universe.")
But even with that transformation, there is much of the day when I am not one with the child of universe within me, and so I am still open to the harmful guidance of my ego-mind. And so I experience my deepest fears. My friend pointed this out to me and that the only antidote to fear is to be one with god throughout the day.
I of course knew this to be true but, despite my considerable discipline, I was not disciplined enough to stay with this truth. I did not focus on all three key truths – that fear is a product of the ego-mind, it is irrational; that I know that I am and have been truly loved; and that when I am one with god, there is no fear because I know that everything will be ok.
And so the next morning I sat with these truths and went deep inside myself. I felt viscerally that I was loved and that there was no basis for my fear of losing that love because it is unconditional, as it had shown itself to be, regardless that I had done things, with some frequency, that caused anger or hurt. That indeed it is my fear that results in my making bad judgments and acting in ways that do not show respect or regard; of being what Sister Sharon Johnson calls a "joy snatcher."
At the same time, I knew that when I am one with god, with the child of the universe within me, I am always loved, regardless whether I am loved by a fellow human; I am never alone and will be at peace and happy, I will be ok.
Those two truths are the double whammy that I used to prevent my ego-mind from creating fear within me and if that fear should arise nevertheless stop it from controlling me.
As a result, the last few days I have felt a freedom, a relief, from my fear of not being loved or happy. I am very grateful. My task is to continue the discipline of feeling the oneness with the child of the universe within me, with my divinity, and humbly invite it into my subconscious, to be my subconscious, and so to always know that fear is just a product of the mind. Throughout the day. When I am one with god, I will be happy regardless what transpires in my life.
My task - just do it!
And so while I have truly been free of fear regarding many things in my life, regarding the neuroses that are most central to my conditioning – that I am not worthy of happiness, that I am not a likable or lovable person – I remained filled with fear. Whenever that particular fear was activated, I was helpless, incapacitated, paralyzed and was not able to draw on my knowledge of the fact that fear is just a product of the mind and has no intrinsic existence.
Until the other night when my fear struck again with the usual unpleasant results, because when I am gripped by fear, I cannot exercise good judgment and so do exactly what I should not do at that moment.
But on this occasion, I expressed my fear to my friend, and he told me what I needed to hear. Note: Over the past year or two, as you know from my posts, I have added prayer to my meditation and have come to know that things are the way they are because it just as it is, it is meant to be and all is ok. And being in that state choose to be one with god, with the child of the universe within me, inviting him into my subconscious, to be my subconscious. (See my post, "Seeking the Guidance of Buddha/God/the Universe.")
But even with that transformation, there is much of the day when I am not one with the child of universe within me, and so I am still open to the harmful guidance of my ego-mind. And so I experience my deepest fears. My friend pointed this out to me and that the only antidote to fear is to be one with god throughout the day.
I of course knew this to be true but, despite my considerable discipline, I was not disciplined enough to stay with this truth. I did not focus on all three key truths – that fear is a product of the ego-mind, it is irrational; that I know that I am and have been truly loved; and that when I am one with god, there is no fear because I know that everything will be ok.
And so the next morning I sat with these truths and went deep inside myself. I felt viscerally that I was loved and that there was no basis for my fear of losing that love because it is unconditional, as it had shown itself to be, regardless that I had done things, with some frequency, that caused anger or hurt. That indeed it is my fear that results in my making bad judgments and acting in ways that do not show respect or regard; of being what Sister Sharon Johnson calls a "joy snatcher."
At the same time, I knew that when I am one with god, with the child of the universe within me, I am always loved, regardless whether I am loved by a fellow human; I am never alone and will be at peace and happy, I will be ok.
Those two truths are the double whammy that I used to prevent my ego-mind from creating fear within me and if that fear should arise nevertheless stop it from controlling me.
As a result, the last few days I have felt a freedom, a relief, from my fear of not being loved or happy. I am very grateful. My task is to continue the discipline of feeling the oneness with the child of the universe within me, with my divinity, and humbly invite it into my subconscious, to be my subconscious, and so to always know that fear is just a product of the mind. Throughout the day. When I am one with god, I will be happy regardless what transpires in my life.
My task - just do it!
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