It was revealed to me years ago in meditation that my purpose in life is to offer myself and other joy. That has been central to my spiritual path ever since.
So it was disconcerting in the extreme when my partner reminded me the other day, in a state of great pain, that there are two things that he has told me for years that I do that bring him great joy, and yet I have never undertaken to do those things with any regularity. He just couldn't understand that when every day he does so many things because they bring me joy.
In the past, I have sloughed off the comment and not thought any more about it. I didn't question why it was that I didn't do these things. Haven't I have done so many other things to bring him joy? I attributed it to laziness or it just wasn't in me or some excuse.
Perhaps because recently I listened to a video about being humble before God, and one of the aspects of that was removing all selfishness, and all excuses, I was not only quite disturbed that I had failed to offer him joy in these ways, but I determined to sit with this to determine why.
This is what was revealed to me:
What is offering someone joy?
If I do something because
I like doing it,
And it happens to bring someone joy,
That is still a selfish activity.
Offering someone joy
Is doing something
I don't particularly want to do
But do it because
It will bring someone joy.
That act of giving
Will also bring me joy.
In retrospect I see now that
Although I have looked at myself
As someone who brought others joy,
In reality I have ben a selfish person,
Regardless the joy I may have given others.
I have not put myself out
To bring others joy.
Bringing people joy has just been
Why was I selfish?
I suspect this developed because
I did not feel loved as a child
And became selfish
To protect myself and
Provide me what I needed.
I will ask my Buddha nature, my divinity, to remove
My selfishness from me and
Replace it with a true desire
To offer others joy from my heart.
This is my intent. Together with my recent emptying my self of my self, and saying "Your will, not mine," and so being one with the true Buddha nature, my divinity, within me, another dharma gate has opened for me that will free me from the control of my mind and fill me instead with abundance and light, peace and equanimity, happiness and contentment, faith and strength.