An important, essential part, of freeing myself from "the conceit, 'I am"," has been turning my will and my life over to the care of my true Buddha nature, the divinity within me, the universe (which as I've explained in other posts is one and the same thing).
How to actually implement and achieve this transfer has been a years-long adventure. In the interim, as the reader of my posts well knows, I have in important ways remained in the control of my ego-mind. I have felt like a bifurcated person: on the one hand, few things pushed my buttons anymore and I was largely at piece; on the other hand, I continued to act on fears that were at the core of my ego-mind, bringing myself and those around me suffering.
What finally opened up a new path for me to this end was when I realized I needed to invite god into my subconscious, ask him to be my subconscious, filling me with abundance and light, faith and strength, so that I radiated light and was a light to myself and those around me, creating a forcefield that my ego-mind, mara, and the devil could not penetrate. I had to choose to be with god, with the child of the universe within me.
But I found that asking god to bring me the wisdom I needed to live my life well and not cause myself and others suffering was not sufficient. As with other points in my journey, I learned that global statements or prayers did not work; I had to be very specific about what weakness I was addressing.
And so I found I needed to actively seek buddha's/god's/the universe's guidance every day throughout the day. When something arose that I would have acted upon in a habitual way, which would have caused suffering, I needed to ask instead for god's guidance on how to handle this new information, this situation.
That was how I have finally implemented turning my will and my life over to the care of god, how I implemented "your will, not my ego-mind's." I must be constantly vigilant and not stray from my intent, thus keeping my mind on a higher plane, in a place where the ego-mind has no foothold.
How to actually implement and achieve this transfer has been a years-long adventure. In the interim, as the reader of my posts well knows, I have in important ways remained in the control of my ego-mind. I have felt like a bifurcated person: on the one hand, few things pushed my buttons anymore and I was largely at piece; on the other hand, I continued to act on fears that were at the core of my ego-mind, bringing myself and those around me suffering.
What finally opened up a new path for me to this end was when I realized I needed to invite god into my subconscious, ask him to be my subconscious, filling me with abundance and light, faith and strength, so that I radiated light and was a light to myself and those around me, creating a forcefield that my ego-mind, mara, and the devil could not penetrate. I had to choose to be with god, with the child of the universe within me.
But I found that asking god to bring me the wisdom I needed to live my life well and not cause myself and others suffering was not sufficient. As with other points in my journey, I learned that global statements or prayers did not work; I had to be very specific about what weakness I was addressing.
And so I found I needed to actively seek buddha's/god's/the universe's guidance every day throughout the day. When something arose that I would have acted upon in a habitual way, which would have caused suffering, I needed to ask instead for god's guidance on how to handle this new information, this situation.
That was how I have finally implemented turning my will and my life over to the care of god, how I implemented "your will, not my ego-mind's." I must be constantly vigilant and not stray from my intent, thus keeping my mind on a higher plane, in a place where the ego-mind has no foothold.
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