So often in life, we feel that we don't have a choice—whether it's how to react to something or what to do with our lives or whatever.  That is because we are captives of our ego-mind; it's the only thing we know, it's what we have identified with our whole lives.

But the teachings of the Buddha, and indeed the mystical traditions of all the world's great religions—both Western and Eastern—teach that you do have a choice.  Though it's not easy to realize it.

The choice lies in the fact that in addition to our ego-mind, there is a true self inside each of us.  Whether you call it Buddha nature, the divinity within you, or your heart, this is the person you were when you were born, before being impacted by the negative aspects of so much of your life experiences.

Not only is your true self full of light, love, and joy, (the full list of attributes is: light, love, faith, trust. compassion, humility, gratefulness, joy, strength, courage, and wisdom), but it is still there and will always be within you, waiting for you to rediscover it, to connect with it.

There are many posts on this blog that address the issue of how you separate yourself from your ego-mind and reconnect with your true self, your heart. Because of the power of the ego-mind and its deep roots within you, this is not an easy matter and takes courage, discipline, and time.

As a motivator to take on this task, it's not just a matter of being able to realize you have choices, it's about ending the suffering that results from being under the control of your ego-mind's feelings, perspectives, and cravings.  All the frustration and anger you experience results from the cravings and feelings of the ego-mind. And that is suffering.

For starters, you might read,"True Self."  "How to free yourself from the control of your ego-mind," and "Freeing yourself from suffering"

I just realized that although I have written many posts that talk about aspects of the true self, I have never written a post that explains all aspects of true self in one place.

My understanding of true self has been an evolving process, which I will describe.  It started with the Buddhist teaching that we are all born essentially perfect with the Buddha nature inside us.  This is how we started life—as little Buddhas filled with light, love, faith, trust, compassion, gratefulness, joy, contentment, strength, courage, and wisdom.  This is our true self and it resides in our heart.

But from the moment we are born, and often even while still in our mother's womb, we are impacted by negative experiences.  Initially these experiences do not have a permanent effect on us.  Think of all the smiling toddlers that you've seen.  These are not children who have had no negative experiences in their short lives, but children who are remarkably resilient, because the ego-mind has yet to be formed.

Around age 3, though, the ego-mind forms, gathering all the experiences we've had and giving them names, labels.  This is when our emotions, judgments, and perceptions—above all, our insecurity—are codified and become our frame of reference.  And it is this frame of reference that determines how we react to future experiences. 

Because of this process, most of us are filled with negative feelings about ourselves through no fault of our own.  Our ego-mind has absorbed the negative things that have been said or done to us—often by family—and the negative messages we've received in the broader world and made that negativity our self-image.  If there's a way of interpreting an experience negatively, that is what the ego-mind will usually do.  The ego-mind becomes the source of our cravings and resulting suffering. 

This self is sometimes called the "false self."  False in that while it certainly defines who we appear to be and who we feel we are—it's all we've known our entire lives—it comes from outside us and is vastly different from our true self.

Many people think that regardless what they were like when they were born, that purity and innocence is irretrievably loss.  Not so. Our true self, regardless how obscured by the detritus of our lives, is always there for us, even as we lose all conscious knowledge of it.  

Think about the experiences you, like everyone else, have had of conversations within yourself, which are often thought of as being between the good you and the bad you.  In cartoons, these conversations are depicted with an angel sitting on one shoulder whispering in one ear, and the devil sitting on the other shoulder whispering in the other ear.  Where do you think those voices come from?  The good you is the guidance coming from your heart; the bad you is the guidance coming from your ego-mind.  So your true self is still there; it's guidance though is usually overpowered by the force of the ego-mind.

For years I believed in the truth that my true self is my heart, but it did not move my practice forward.  I just couldn't wrap my head around what that was.  Then one day when I was meditating an image came to me of me as a toddler, smiling and laughing for no reason at all, just for being.  As soon as I saw that image, I knew that was the avatar of my heart, and I wept.  (I was able to have that image because my mother had sent me photos from my baby book just days before.)  That image is still with me today, every day, and is helpful in grounding my practice.

Since that time, my connection with my true self has undergone an evolution.  The first was my realization that the elements of Buddha nature are really aspects of the divine (see my post, "Buddhism and the Divine').  Thus, not only am I born with Buddha nature within me, but with the divine essence within me.  This, by the way, is the teaching of the mystical traditions of all 3 Abrahamic faiths—Judaism, Islam, and Christianity (Kabbalah, Sufism, and Gnosticism). 

For those of you shaking your heads who were brought up in churches that teach that man is born with Original Sin, that was a concept that developed in the 4th Century and adopted at that time by the Catholic Church and 10 centuries later by many of the Protestant churches that developed after the Reformation. It was not a teaching of early Christianity and is not a teaching of the mystical traditions.

Many years later, I was developing a project to help children who felt bad about themselves in a middle school where I was teaching.  The idea was to help them feel good about themselves by teaching them that all the negative feelings they have about themselves are not aspects of their true selves.  But I had to do this in a secular way, with no reference to any religion or spirituality.

And so I came up with the concept of tying the idea of true self to the miracle of creation.  We, as well as all plants and animals, develop from a single fertilized cell; everything about our body and all aspects of its functioning are contained in that single fertilized cell.  That is a miracle of the Universe, and so each of us is a miracle of the Universe.

How can it be otherwise then that each plant, animal, and person is born essentially perfect with the force of the Universe embedded within them?  This is your true self. While one may be born with abnormalities caused by things that happen while in the womb or from genetic sources, spiritually we are all born essentially perfect.

The final thing I want to share with you, you might find somewhat strange.  One day I remembered the scene in Close Encounters of a Third Kind where the little boy comes out of the mothership and returns to his mother's arms.  When I watched that scene again, and saw the beatific smile of that child, it became for me the avatar of the child of the Universe within me.  And like the image of me as a toddler, that image is with me every day when I meditate/pray and is an important element that grounds my practice.

Your true self is there to guide you; talk to it, have faith in it, listen to its guidance. Let the force be with you. You will attain a level of peace and happiness, a quality of life, which you never felt was within your reach.
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When most people set out to do something, regardless the nature of the project, they want to have a feeling of certainty that their effort will be successful.  And the more someone is invested in the activity, the more needed this sense of certainty is.

This is an inevitable component of a craving.  Because a craving is something that you feel you must have.  There is no equivocation.  And so when something happens that removes this feeling of certainty that you need, it is devastating.  And you suffer.  What you feel is beyond frustration because this was something you felt you must have ... or else.

So if you are walking the Buddhist or any other spiritual path to end your suffering, you must remove the need for certainty from your life.  You need to be able to say, "If it happens, great; it if doesn't, that's ok too."  Which means that it is no longer a craving.  You approach whatever the project or thing is with equanimity.

Ending your suffering is, of course, the goal of Buddhist practice and the Buddha dharma; it is not a quick and easy thing to accomplish.  It requires much work and discipline, because you are entering a worldview very different from that in which you were raised and the culture within which you live.  I have written many posts about ending cravings and suffering, but perhaps the most useful in this connection are, "Craving 'Survival' Condemns You to Suffering," and the "End of Suffering Cheat Sheet."

But there is something you can do as you are working on this long-term project to help change your perspective: the things you say to yourself.  It is very common for people not only to focus on whatever is negative in their life, but to verbalize that negativity and how they feel about it.  The problem is that when you do this, it increases the impact on you of your negativity, it becomes a kind of obsession and increases your suffering.

What you must do is stop saying negative things to yourself.  I do not mean that you should lie to yourself about what you are experiencing, but you should express your reaction to it in a very different way.  For example, instead of saying, "I'm going to be ruined,"  or "I won't live this way," or anything similar, you should say to yourself, "It's ok; I'll be ok; it's not what I wanted but there are other options I can pursue." 

Even that statement will be difficult if you are dealing with a craving.  But by purposefully saying to yourself that you'll be ok—numerous times—you have the ability to change the way your mind is reacting to your experience.  Lessening its force as a craving without actually freeing yourself from it.
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The common approach to faith is that it is something that one needs to acquire, you have to learn how to have faith.  Indeed, I wrote a post titled, "Faith - What Is It and Why Is It Essential?"

My comment today is, "Yes, but no."  Let me explain.

I have long understood and written that we are born with Buddha nature/the divine essence/the force of the Universe within us.  That we are all born essentially perfect, meaning in a spiritual sense, not necessarily physically or mentally.

When a friend said recently that faith is like your baby—nothing should be more important to you than your faith; you should let nothing take you from your faith— the light went on in my brain.  Faith, like all the other spiritual qualities that we are born with, is part of us at birth.

What happens to our faith is the same as what happens to all our spiritual qualities.  Our life experiences, which are frequently if not mostly negative, are taken by our mind as the way things are, and so whether it's acquiring insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, or low self-esteem, these negative perspectives are absorbed by the ego-mind and made our self-image.

So to, when the reality of the world does not reflect our faith, our ego-mind takes that as a refutation of our faith, of showing the danger of faith, and so our faith is discarded by the ego-mind.  This is why so few of us experience faith, and why, if we do, it is so hard to hold on to because our life experiences constantly say to us that our faith is misplaced.

But there is a way out of this vicious cycle.  The first thing is to understand what faith in the Buddhist context means.  Faith has nothing whatsoever to do with the actions of other people.  It has nothing to do with how you are treated or whether someone responds to you appropriately as you deserve, or how the world conducts its affairs.  Faith does not mean that some particular material outcome, some achievement, that you desire will happen.  This may be the common idea about faith, indeed most prayer is asking for some material outcome, but that is not faith and indeed it is not an appropriate subject for prayer.

Faith concerns your belief in your qualities and your belief that you will be ok, spiritually, regardless what life provides because you will always return home to your true Buddha nature/the child of the Universe within you and so be at peace and happy, not because things will be a particular way.

Having lost our faith—just like our inherent goodness and peace and joy—we must rediscover it.  That's why the post noted above is necessary, even if you come to believe that you were born with faith within you; you must rediscover it.

For me, the most powerful element that allowed me to reclaim my faith is the mantra, "things are the way they are because it's just the way it is; it's meant to be and it's all ok."  Each morning when I pray/meditate, I am very aware when I say this mantra what it implies regarding how I react to things in my life, how I feel about my life as it is at that moment, and I ask the Universe to give me the courage to view things that way.

Given the world we live in, faith requires great discipline, just like almost every aspect of the Buddhist/spiritual path to end suffering and experience peace and happiness.  It thus becomes essential to be in touch everyday, if not several times during the day, with your faith as with other aspects of your spirituality through meditation/prayer.
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Most people tend to obsess about the things in their lives that aren't the way they want them to be.  This negative thinking, when it becomes overpowering and all-consuming, which is not unusual, results in a loss of energy and stamina; it results in a shutdown of the mind.

This is a terrible place for a person to be.  It is enervating and debilitating.  It leads to lethargy.  It is suffering.

Most simply put, this is what happens when people have cravings—something you view as a must have.  The Buddha's first teaching was that cravings are the source of our suffering.  There is a clear path to freeing oneself from cravings, but it is long and arduous.  Part of that path is acceptance of your life as being the way it is right now. For someone in the grip of a negativity crisis, they are not open to hearing about the path, and even if they are aware of it, they aren't in the mood to implement it.

Unfortunately many practicing Buddhists experience this because their practice is not very deep or disciplined.  It's a real challenge to get past one's cravings.

The short and easier answer for someone's breaking the grip of negativity is to think of all the things that you are grateful for.  Every person, no matter how down and out, has things that they are grateful for, even if they don't often think of them.  If a person is prodded with the question, things will come to mind. One may be grateful for people in one's life, for experiences, for nature, for whatever. 

But people are often quite adamant about the self-righteousness of their negative position; they are angry. And they feel that to not be aware of the hopelessness of the situation is delusion.  So the prodding will need to be repeated.  They are not in the mood to be grateful.

But it is vitally important to remember what one is grateful for; to focus on that, rather than all the things that disappoint you and you feel negative about.  When you remind yourself that all is not negative, when you remember that there are positive things in your life that you are grateful for, you experience a life in balance.  

Your gratitude will give you renewed energy and stamina.  And it lessens the craving for what you don't have. It won't free you from the craving—that requires much hard work—but it lessens its hold on you, allowing you to proceed with what you feel you need to do.
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recently read an article in The New Yorker about the use of AI companions by people to counter feeling lonely, to feel that there is someone there for you who understands you.  Certainly, loneliness, whether short- or long-term, is a major problem in our modern society.  And with the increased use of technology and social media by people to feel that they are part of something rather than relying on human contact, the problem is getting worse.

What I found interesting is that the spiritual solution to feelings of loneliness—whether resulting from truly being isolated or loving someone who doesn't understand you—is not even mentioned in passing.  This reflects the fact that most people are divorced from the spiritual underpinnings that over the millennia provided people with solace and a feeling of not being alone.  God is dead for most people, even if they say they believe in God.

But for the contemporary person who is spiritual, there is an answer.  Because for him, God is not the person in the sky to whom one prays and who controls life; god (with a small "g") is instead the divinity within him, the child of the Universe within him, the Buddha within him.  This is his true self.  (See my post, "God Is Not Dead, We Just Look for Him in All the Wrong Places," in my other blog, PreservingAmericanValues.com.)

When you are in touch with your true self, you are never alone, regardless what is happening around you or being done to you.  I embrace the child of the Universe within me every day and invite him into my subconscious, to be my subconscious, and so fill me with abundance and light, faith and strength, humility, freedom from fear, and joy so that I radiate light and am a light unto myself and others.

I am somewhat embarrassed to say that I have an image of the child of the Universe within me that comes from Close Encounters of a Third Kind. it's the little boy (Terry Garr's son who had been abducted by the aliens) who truly radiated light.  The experience is similar to the photo of me as a smiling toddler being the avatar of my heart. Both these images have proven to be a major support for my practice.

Every night when I go to bed, I say to the lord (the child of the Universe within me) that I am so grateful that I am not alone, that he is here with me now and I invite him into my subconscious, to be my subconscious and ask him to bring me the wisdom I need to live my life well. which is to be at peace and happy.

And in the morning when I do my "mirror time," I greet myself by saying, "Good morning, I love you.  I rejoice in the lord and am happy.  I am awake and am happy.  I sing and am happy.  I am grateful and am happy.  I am filled with wonder and am happy.  I know that things are the way they are because it's just the way it is, it's all ok and I am happy.  I am humble and am happy.  I forgive myself and am happy.  I have faith and am happy."  (See my post, "Mirror Time.")

I am never alone.  My child of the Universe, my true self, my heart, is always there for me.  I turn my will and my life over to its care—his will not my mind's—knowing that he will never give me guidance that will harm me and cause me suffering.
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An ancient Chinese Poem, "Affirming Faith in Mind," contains the passage, "When faith and mind are not separate, and not separate are mind and faith, this is beyond all words, all thought, for here there is no yesterday, no today, no tomorrow."

Over the years I have come to realize the wisdom of that poem.  Living a spiritual life is all about faith—faith and humility.  If faith is not at the core of your practice, you will not become free of your ego-mind regardless how disciplined your practice is and how far you've come in adopting the various practices, such as The Heart's Embrace, that I have recommended in this blog and in my books.

Without faith, you cannot follow the Serenity Prayer—accepting the things you cannot change, the way things are at the moment, and the courage to change the things you can (see my post, "The Serenity Prayer").  Without faith, you cannot implement the Acceptance Prayer (see my post "Acceptance Is The Answer").

But if faith is at the core, then a truly spiritual life becomes possible.  Nothing will press your buttons and you will view all things with equanimity.

As for what is faith, see my post, " Faith - What Is It and Why Is It Essential?"  I can say no more about faith than I have in my previous posts.

But I do need to once more emphasize the fundamental importance of faith.  There's a Bach chorale, based on a hymn by Martin Luther, titled, "Ein feste Burg ist unser Gott," which translates as "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God." While the hymn's words are about the power of God, the same could be said of the power of faith, of faith in the god within us, in the child of the Universe within us.  Indeed, a mighty fortress is our faith.

This faith just is.  It is not a function of the mind, of rational thought.  It is a function of one's belief in the divinity within you, the Buddha nature within you, the child of the universe within you.  These are supernatural thoughts that have no grounding in rationality.  They just are.

But how does one come to have faith then?   As with many Buddhist beliefs, It does start with rational thought.  When I read my first Buddhist book, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche, the light bulb kept on going on in my head, "So that's why I [whatever]," or "So that's why [whatever] is the way it is."  After reading that book, I had a very deep and completely rational faith in the Buddha dharma.  But that didn't get me very far in my spiritual practice.

Only after years of meditating, did I begin to experience the truths of the dharma from within myself.  It just happens.  Then about 5 years ago, I came to the realization that Buddhism and the Buddha are inextricably connected to the unknowable power in the universe, the divine force.  Buddha nature and divine essence are in fact one. (See my post, "Buddhism and the Divine.")

And it is this, somewhat heretical, belief that has enabled me, after several more years of meditation, to experience faith from within.  No matter what is happening around me, no matter how my ego-mind tries to distract me, I have found that my faith is unshakeable.  I know that things are the way they are at this moment because it's just the way it is; it is meant to be and all is ok (see my post. "It's Just the Way It Is - Take III").  And I know that I will be ok, safe spiritually, regardless what happens in my life because I will always come home to my true Buddha nature, to the child of the Universe within me, and so be at peace and happy.

There are all sorts of reasons why people, including those on the Buddhist path, do not accept their life as it is at this moment or was in the past.  We are angry and self-righteous about how we have been dealt with, mistreated, whether by our family or the world.  And for most people, displaying that anger is a way of defending themselves, of saying I'm not going to put up with this anymore.

But what does the lack of acceptance accomplish?  How does it move one's life forward?  The answer is that it does not move one's life forward.  

It does nothing but cause suffering because lack of acceptance is the source of our cravings. And cravings are the source of our fear of what will happen if we don't achieve what we feel we must have. And it is that very fear that holds us back from doing what we need to do to achieve our goals; fear incapacitates us.  As the saying goes, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." 

Thus ironically, our lack of acceptance actually makes it almost impossible for us to escape our current situation. On the other hand, if one accepts the present and the past as being just the way it is/was, you are put in a calm, relaxed state.  

Before going further, I must clarify for you what "acceptance" means or implies, because there is a lot of misunderstanding and that is a large part of the problem. It does not mean saying that you feel something is good, fair, or right.  It does not mean forgiveness.  It just means saying, that's the way it is.  No value judgment. You can feel that something is wrong, but at the same time say it's just the way it is.  The point is to have equanimity about it, rather than an emotional reaction.

For example, let's say you were neglected as a child  Acceptance means saying that it's just the way it was.  You feel it was wrong, you feel hurt, but you do not react emotionally.  You do what you need to do now, calmly, to make yourself strong.  Just to be clear, though, revenge is never an unemotional response, even if you proceed calmly. You are hurting someone.

When you practice acceptance, nothing about the past or the present offends you.  So you are able to approach your life and any changes you choose to make with equanimity.  Such desires do not generate fear because your attitude is not, "I must have this."   Instead, it's "It's great if it happens, but if it doesn't, that's ok too."  And so you are able to exercise good judgment, act in your best interest, and be more likely to achieve your goal.

Lack of acceptance is being self-indulgent.  Acceptance is being strong.  Lack of acceptance brings suffering.  Acceptance brings peace.

You have a choice to make.  Which will it be?  
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For most people, the idea of being relaxed in mind and body throughout the day would be something almost impossible to imagine, almost like an out-of-body experience, so different is that state from anything we've experienced.  But it is possible.

But before talking about how to be relaxed in mind and body throughout the day, the first question I must ask you is whether you feel relaxed in mind and body when you are meditating.  If not, then that is something that you must approach first before addressing how you feel throughout the day.  See my post, "Meditation - Coming Home, Releasing, and Being at Peace."

For most people, though, the answer to that question will hopefully be, "yes."  But as we go through our day, we are bombarded by all sorts of experiences which are a catalyst for our emotions.  If you are at peace and relaxed, you will still experience your emotions, but you will not react to them.  If you are not at peace and relaxed, you will react to them and have a negative spiritual experience; you will suffer.

There are 2 exercises you can do periodically throughout the day to keep you centered on your practice and be relaxed, both of which are very simple and short.  The first involves the use of the Korean word, "ma-um," which means heart and mind.  The exercise is to say, "Breathing in, saying 'ma,' I relax my mind.  Breathing out saying, 'um,' I relax my body."  Breathe in through your nostrils, expanding your abdomen.  Breathe out again through your nostril, and somewhat sharply, drop your shoulders.  Do this 3 times.

The second is a deep breathing exercise.  Breathe in for 4 counts, 4 seconds, expanding your abdomen as far as possible.  Breathe out for 8 counts, 8 seconds letting your abdomen completely empty of air.  To increase the effectiveness of this exercise, it is helpful to hold the breath for 4 counts, 4 seconds, after you breathe in before you breathe out.

One of our greatest challenges is staying calm and relaxed throughout the day and responding to our experiences from our heart not our mind, our emotions.  That requires being present throughout the day and being mindful, neither of which you can do unless you are in a calm, peaceful state.  Practicing these short exercises helps you maintain that state throughout the day.
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Most of us are focused almost obsessively on what is going on around us now, as well as what happened in the past and might happen in the future.  Whether it concerns ourselves, our family, work. friends, or the world around us, we are fixated on the here and now.  And this causes us much frustration, anxiety, and suffering, because this fixation breeds cravings.  And as the Buddha taught, cravings are the source of our suffering.

Well, how do you function in the here and now, which we all must do, and avoid this trap?  The trick is to be able to think about the here and now, but not fixate on it, not obsess about it. 

And how does one do that?  As I always say, if you get rid of a negative, you must replace it with a positive.  One must purposefully put one's mind elsewhere—on a higher plain than the here and now.  Whether it's in the Buddha dharma, or faith in the divinity inside you, or, as Sister Sharon Johnson puts it, in eternity—one has to focus on what's really important, and that is not the here and now.  It is in your relationship with the higher power within you. 

There is nothing more important than that because it is your true source, your only source, of peace and happiness regardless what happens in your life.  Not only that, but it is this relationship, your handing your life over to the divinity within you, that enables you to have the relaxed mind of equanimity that allows you to make good decisions about your actions in the here and now.  And so it actually makes it more likely that your life moves in the direction you want it to.

Another benefit of focusing on what spiritually is most important to you is that it provides a test to apply to any guidance you receive as to whether it is good for you or not.  For example, let's say that you realize that to focus on eternity or the Buddha dharma is to focus on peace; that is the essence.  

So when you receive  guidance to do whatever, you—meaning your heart—will ask yourself, does this guidance cause you suffering or does it bring you peace?  If it causes you suffering, as the Buddha said, "it is not you, it is not your's, it is not your self for your self would not cause you to suffer." In that case, either the guidance itself is bad—is from your ego-mind not your heart—and you must not engage it, or the action itself is ok but you have to approach it in another way so it does not cause you to suffer, e.g. turn a craving into a desire by approaching it with equanimity.

So, train yourself to focus on the divinity with you, on eternity, not the here and now.
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