ThePracticalBuddhist.com - The Practical Buddhist Blog - Practical Advice on Integrating the Practice of Buddhism in Contemporary Life

Give Yourself a Choice

1/17/2022

I have written in many posts about the necessity of freeing yourself from the control of your mind and seeing yourself as something other than the mind. What resonated with me was that my true self is my heart, my true Buddha nature. I have also written recently about the importance of taking on a new name to go with the new identity. As well as compassionately burying your old self with its trauma.

This post shows how this brings you full circle. We start walking the path because we want to end our suffering. We want to change this aspect of our life. And we learn the steps necessary in order to achieve that. The path is in one sense straight-forward and yet it is extremely challenging requiring great discipline and patience because the power that the mind has over us.

When it's all said and done, what we have done through this practice is give ourselves a choice as to how we decide to respond to life events, rather than have our habitual energy control how we react to events, and thus the events really control us. And so we end our suffering.

For example, something happens that would normally push your buttons; you would get very upset, agitated, and it would ruin your day. Now, however, you have the power to say you don't want to feel that way, it hurts you. This is just the way it is today and you focus your energy instead on something that nourishes you. You not only rest undisturbed, but you strengthen yourself by doing something that is good for you.

This is the implementation of the Serenity Prayer, "Lord, give the the serenity to accept the things I cannot change – which are the way things are right now at this moment – and the courage to change the things I can, which are the thoughts I think, the words I speak, and the actions I take."

By giving yourself the opportunity to choose how to respond to events, rather than react habitually, you are changing the things you can. And you have found the key to freeing yourself from suffering.

The Divine and Man

1/5/2022

It is a real challenge to stay in touch with your true Buddha nature, your divine essence (see my post, "Buddhism and the Divine") throughout the day, every day. We are faced with so many vexing challenges every day, whether they are posed by the outside world, the people we interact with, the tasks we must perform, or whether they are posed by our mind, which, even though you may be far along in your practice and turned your will and you life over to the care of your true Buddha nature, is still there, waiting in the wings for a chance to assert itself. It is the human version of Mara and it is almost always there, lurking.

In a recent meditation, it came to me that the way to stay connected, to see the light, is to distinguish those things made of man from those things made of the divine universe. Most importantly to realize that the people we interact with and the systems they have set up are a product of man, and so are going to come with man's failings. Man at birth may be a product of the divine universe, but what becomes of man is a product of man,

The same is true of me as a person. My mind, the self that historically I have connected with is man made, it is a product of all my life experiences. My true self, my new self, is my heart, my true Buddha nature that I was born with. That is a product of the divine universe.

When I affirm that my true self is my heart, and that my heart is light, love, faith, trust, compassion, humility, gratefulness, joy, contentment, strength, courage, and wisdom – those are all qualities of my natural state, my divine-given Buddha nature.

And so now when I go about my day, I am not pulled away from my spiritual being by the things I encounter because I know they are a product of man, they have nothing to do with the divine universe, and so they do not cause me to question my faith in the Buddha dharma. The material world is what it is. And I know that I will be ok, safe, regardless what life provides because I have returned home and will always return home to my true Buddha nature, sustained by the love of Buddha within me, and so experience abundance and light, peace and equanimity, happiness and contentment, faith and strength.

Also, because I am aware of this distinction between the divine and man, there is no question that my peace and happiness lies in continuing to focus on my connection with the divine, not my connection with man. We must attend to our earthly business, but it must never become more important to one's feeling of safety, of security, than our connection with the divine, with our true Buddha nature, our heart.

Making the Most of Every Day

12/30/2021

For many of us, just getting through the day unscathed is a real challenge. The idea of making the most of every day seems out of reach since that requires free action and we typically don't feel that we have much room for free action; we are mostly reacting to what we experience.

But with a change in your mindset, your attitude, both getting through the day unscathed and actually making the most of it are within your reach.

And you achieve that change in attitude by freeing yourself from the control of your mind and reconnecting instead with your true self, which is your heart, your true Buddha nature. (See my post, "How to Free Yourself from the Control of Your Ego-Mind.")

When you have done that, and you thus experience things directly, with dispassion, free of the intervention of your mind, you know that things are the way the are because it's just the way it is. You are free of emotional reactions.

There will certainly still be things that you feel you want to change or that you want to avoid, etc., but you will approach those tasks free of emotion and thus you will get through the day unscathed. And because you aren't being drained by negative emotions, you will also be able to make the most of each day.

Control

12/23/2021

Our mind wants to control all aspects of our life, because we learn from experience that if we don't control it, we can't count on or trust anyone providing for us what we want.

But this obsession with control has a major practical problem. Regarding those aspects of our life that involve or depend on the actions of someone else, we in fact have no control. We can do everything we think we should do, we can carefully plan, we can follow a plan of attack, but ultimately we have no control because it depends on the actions of someone else.

As a result, this obsession with control leads to constant frustration and anxiety. Because we know that attaining our goal is dependent on someone else over whom we have no control.

What is the way out of this conundrum? The answer is to free yourself from the control of your mind - which is where the obsession for control resides - and reconnect instead with your true self, your heart, your true Buddha nature (see my post, "How to Free Yourself . . . ") and give up the desire to control. Understand that whether something happens or not is in the hands of the universe.

If something doesn't happen or pan out the way you wanted, it just wasn't meant to be. It's not that the universe or Buddha or God failed you; it just wasn't meant to be. In the sense that it wasn't in your best interest; the universe has something better in mind for you. This is the lesson to be learned when your goal isn't achieved. It's ok to be mildly disappointed, but you must say to yourself and believe that it wasn't meant to be.

However, we do have control over our own thoughts and actions, if you are aware, mindful. As the serenity prayer says, "Grant me the courage to change the things I can," which I expand upon by explaining those things are the way I relate to myself and others, the thoughts I think, the words I speak, and the actions I take. Thus you have the ability to control, to make a choice, whether to be at peace and happy regardless of the situation you find yourself in.

If you give up the desire to control what you cannot control, but control the things you can, you will feel a huge lifting of burden and anxiety, and instead experience the advent of peace. You will not experience panic when you admit that you have no control because you have faith that you do have control over whether you are at peace and happy.

May you experience peace and happiness.

Burying Your Old Identity

12/15/2021

I explained in a recent post,"What's In a Name?" why it is important in implementing your intent to lead your life in a different manner, to walk the path, to have new goals, to alter your subconscious (by turning your will and your life over to the care of your true Buddha nature) and assume a new identity, even if only to yourself. I have recognized my dharma name, Hanh Niêm as being my new identity.

But even as I have turned my will and my life over to the care of my true Buddha nature and see all the qualities of my true self abiding in Hanh Niêm, and I have said, "Not me!" to my feelings and perceptions and have released all the negative energy inside me, I was aware that my old self was still hovering around me. I wasn't able to truly feel free of all the aspects of my old self because of that.

Then recently I watched a spiritual video which said that not only must one create a new identity, but one must bury the old one. As soon as I heard that, it made sense to me.

And so I decided to bury the tormented soul and mind of Ronnie, my former self. I performed a little ceremony at the local Jewish cemetery and recited the Jewish prayer for then dead. I felt very much at peace in doing this. And afterwards when I walked about, I said to myself that I'm Hanh Niêm, and I felt a lightness, a glow, which was different from any joy or positive feeling that I had ever felt before.

Be Sustained by the Love of Buddha within You

12/4/2021

We are taught that we are all born with true Buddha nature inside us, and that it remains within us throughout our lives. I have used that truth in many ways in my practice, most importantly in defining my true self, as opposed to my ego self.

Several months ago, though, I learned of a lesson in the Course in Miracles which has magnified the import of this truth. Lesson 50 contains the following: "You are sustained by the Love of God within you. . . . This is the answer to whatever confronts you today. Through the love of God within you, you can resolve all seeming difficulties without effort and in sure confidence." All I've done is replace "God" with "true Buddha nature"

What I have come to realize is that not only is my true self my true Buddha nature, but that there is something larger than my self that inhabits my body and soul. And it plays an active role in guiding me through life. It's like Buddha nature takes my true self by the hand. (Or because my true self and Buddha nature are one and the same, my true self is much larger than I had realized and plays a more active role in guiding me through life.) Understanding that this force abides within me has become a source of deeper faith and lightness of spirit.

Recently one morning while meditating, when I recited the affirmation, "I am sustained buy the love of Buddha nature within me," it informed my practice of opening up my heart to embrace all aspects of my being and experience, especially my trauma. (See my posts, "The Heart's Embrace" and "Trauma.")

I became aware that my Buddha nature/my true self shines its light and love on my trauma points. And when it does that, in addition to healing the trauma, it dissolves, dissipates, the negative energy that has flowed from that trauma. Such as fear, lack of faith, feeling there's something wrong with me, feeling that I am not deserving of good fortune (the list goes on!).

Two things. For the first time I knew from within me that all my negative energy flowed directly from past trauma. And by embracing my trauma, by my Buddha nature shining light and love on my trauma points, these negative energies have weakened and I am able to release that negative energy from my body.

Regardless how Buddha nature inside me is conceived, the palpable feeling of the light of Buddha nature healing me and guiding me is beyond words. I am very grateful for this teaching from the Course in Miracles.

"If You Love Someone, You Will Suffer"

11/25/2021

The Buddha once said, "If you love someone, you will suffer. When he made this statement, it caused consternation in many who followed him. He seemed to be saying by implication that one shouldn't love anyone. But that's not what the Buddha meant.

First of all, there is no question, as the Buddha's disciples realized when they thought about it, that if you truly love someone you will suffer. You will suffer when they suffer because you feel for them and do not want them to suffer. You will suffer when they do something the impacts you negatively because you will think how can someone who loves me do this to me. To name just two examples.

There are several ways, however, to insure that you don't suffer or at least suffer less because of your love. This first is, do not attach to your loved one. That in no way lessens the love you feel, but it means you don't feel co-dependent; you don't feel that if your loved one died, your life would be empty, you would be lost. While it may sound strange to say that you aren't attached to your loved one, if you keep in mind the specific meaning of non-attachment in Buddhist teaching, then you will see there is no contradiction.

Next, an important basis for true love is faith and trust between the two people. Unfortunately, people who love someone have a tendency when that person is facing a problem, is disturbed, of thinking that they can step in and fix the situation, whether through advice or some other means. Such action backfires in two ways.

It says to the person that you don't have faith in them, in their ability to solve their problems by themselves, which in turn impacts their own faith that they can solve the problem. Whether you are dealing with a child or an adult, this is a critical aspect of self-confidence. You do not want to do anything that takes away your loved one's self-confidence. So when these situations arise, you just have to stop yourself and say to yourself that you have faith that all will be ok and the person will work the problem out for himself.

Another reason why we have this tendency is that we see the present situation as a portent of the future. But just as you must come to know that things are the way they are because it's just the way it is, and you will be ok, safe, because it will all work out, you must feel the same regarding your loved one. You should have no desire that his or her life be any different from the way it is right now at this moment.

Suffering is a part of life, unless you're enlightened. It comes with the territory of being human and living in this world. Yes, the further you progress on the path, the fewer occasions of suffering you'll experience. This results from your changed perspective on yourself, life, and other people. But regardless how far someone has come on the path, they will have moments when they suffer.

Regarding the second example of suffering I gave, you must understand that your loved one is only human. Unless he or she is enlightened, he is subject to emotions that are a product of his life experience. Even if the person has advanced far on the path, there are still moments, subjects, which will cause his mind to intervene and produce emotionally-influenced actions over which he has no control. It's just the way it is. You must recognize that your loved one is human and the fact that he has such lapses does not in any way impugn his love for you.

I'm talking here about a relationship which overall is deep, filled with trust and respect. If a relationship is in general fraught with problems, then the balance is different and love is reasonably questioned by such actions.

Bottom line, you can minimize the extent to which you suffer because you love someone, but you cannot totally eliminate it. It comes with the territory and a deep abiding love is well worth the suffering it brings.

Boundaries

11/16/2021

People usually speak about having boundaries with others, of people not respecting their boundaries. But a far more harmful situation arises from people not having boundaries for themselves, regarding their own thoughts and actions.

Of course, there is one type of boundary that people often have for themselves, and that concerns morality or ethics. Then there is of course the Law which sets boundaries on people's actions which most people do not flout.

But the boundaries I'm talking about are spiritual boundaries, boundaries that impact whether we suffer, whether we do things to ourselves that harm us. Because so many of such thoughts and actions reflect the force of our society, reflect our upbringing and life experiences, we feel we cannot separate ourselves from these forces.

But when we come to realize that our suffering is caused by these forces, which have impacted our mind, we realize that we must find a way to free ourselves from these forces, these habit-energies.

The way I have proposed to do that in my writing is to see that these forces, these feelings and perceptions, our cravings, are all a product of our mind in reaction to our life experience. They are therefore not reflective of our true self, which is our heart, our true Buddha nature - they are foreign - and thus we say to them all, one by one, "Not me!" See my posts, "How to Protect Yourself against Psychic Attack" and "Freeing Yourself from the Control of Your Mind," among others.

But many people have a problem with this approach because they cannot separate themselves from their mind, they identify with their ego, which is all they've known their entire life.

Recently, a friend shared with me his approach which is to see all of these feelings and perceptions as coming from an external force, not from within. And that he realized that to protect himself he needed to set up boundaries to keep these negative "foreign" energies away from him. When he becomes aware of such an energy approaching him, he turns to a chant, mantra, or prayer to shut that energy out, creating a positive forcefield around him that does not allow the negative energy to enter his mind.

This requires maintaining a heightened awareness of what is occurring around you and to you. To achieve that, he many times during the day voices a chant, mantra, or prayer to center himself and bring him in touch with his true self and the light of God (Buddha nature, divine essence) within him.

By connecting to your spirituality throughout the day, you are more likely to be aware when these forces arise within you to external stimuli. In part because the force will be experienced as jarring to your system, compared to the peace you experience when you center yourself. And thus you will be able to say, "no," to them and instead seek guidance from your heart on how to respond to the situation at hand. For more on boundaries, see my post "Personal Boundaries as Part of a Buddhist Life."

Choose what works best for you. But it is of the utmost importance to your peace of mind that one way or the other you free yourself from the control of these negative energies that are foreign to your true self and your natural state.

Grateful For Being Alive

11/8/2021

I once listened to a video about the power of Now. The speaker talked about being grateful for being alive. When I heard those words, I stopped. Huh? I had never had that thought in my entire life. But I did nothing with that realization at the time.

Several years passed and I happened recently to think of that video and that phrase, and I realized again that I still have never felt that. It has never even been part of my mantras, part of my intent. But there was no question that this would be a beneficial intent/affirmation to include in my mantras and actually begin to feel.

Indeed, it rounds out my mantra that I embrace my life as being exactly the way it is right now; that it's all ok, that things will work themselves out. And that regardless what the future throws my way that i will be ok, sustained by the love of Buddha within me, and so experience peace and happiness. I have no worries or concerns, only faith and strength. And so I can and am grateful for being alive each moment.

As related in my post, "Joy - A Hopefully Final Take," I offer myself joy now, not by taking joy in each moment (which is a bit too much to expect), but cherishing each moment and being grateful for being alive. While this concept had been foreign to me, it did not seem unnatural to voice it. And slowly, as with all my mantras, I feel I am absorbing its truth and it is replacing any negative energy that had been part of my previous daily experience.

Seeing the Light

11/2/2021

In many respects, the world we live in often seems like a dark space. There is so much evil, cruelty, violence, and just plain nastiness. And if it's not dark, there is much that would could call, "blah." Smallness in all forms - conversation, how we treat each other, pettiness. As well as an overwhelming lack of positive energy. Most people go through life almost on auto-pilot. As the saying goes, "There is no 'there' there."

"The mind is a terrible thing to waste," the NAACP motto, is a powerful statement. But it's not just the mind of a black child or anyone's mind. Life is a terrible thing to waste, and most people go through life wasting its precious moments because they rarely see the light.

"Where is the light?" you might ask. It is everywhere around us because the wonder of creation is everywhere around us. You probably can see it most easily in nature – in the sky, clouds, sun, plants, etc. The wonder of creation and it endless variation moment by moment is astounding if one stops to look at it with open eyes. It is in being aware of the wonder, not just seeing, that one sees the light.

But there is even light to be found in all the people around us. "What?" you will exclaim. Yes, as hard as you may find that to believe. Where is that light? It is buried deep within people. It is their true Buddha nature which everyone has from the moment they are born till the moment they die. (See below for the one exception.)

When I was living in New York City, one of the most potentially depressing moments daily was being in a crowded subway car and looking at the other passengers. Except for an occasional youth, most were usually tired, depressed, or vacant looking. At one point, I started looking at these people and seeing them as a toddler; I imaged how they might have looked and laughed as a toddler. That is their true Buddha nature. And I saw the light within them.

And so on and on it goes. It's like the blackness of outer space. It's called a void. And yet sunlight and the power of the sun is present in every inch of space, unless the light is blocked by a near object. But we don't see it unless that light is reflected by an object, such as the moon. That is why satellites and space craft covering billions of miles in space are able to be powered by solar panels that catch the rays of the sun and convert them to energy.

And so it is with all things on earth, whether animal, vegetable, or mineral. Except for humans who have turned to evil and given up their humanity, and thus the light that was inside them is extinguished because they are no longer human, every individual, every object of nature, has that light waiting to be uncovered.

To uncover that light, you must first discover the light within yourself. When you are in touch with that light, with your true Buddha nature, then you will see the light in all things. For help in finding your own light, watch the video series, "Coming Home," and read related posts.