ThePracticalBuddhist.com - The Practical Buddhist Blog - Practical Advice on Integrating the Practice of Buddhism in Contemporary Life

It's Just the Way It Is - Take IV

4/13/2026

I have written several posts on the maxim, "It's just the way it is," because it is so critical to being free of suffering and finding peace. My final version of the maxim being, "It's just the way it is; it's meant to be and it's all ok," (see my post, "It's Just the Way It Is - Take III).

Why is it so critical? If you don't acknowledge that things are the way they are because it's just the way it is, with or without the addendum that it's meant to be and is all ok, whatever you don't acknowledge will offend you. And if something offends you, it generates emotions of anger and frustration. This causes mental suffering and robs you of peace.

This is true both of things that happened in your past, as well as things that are occurring in your present. Most of us experienced things in our past, usually in childhood, often done by parents, that continue to really upset us and not only cause us suffering because of the memory of these offenses, but the memory causes us to react to things today as though these contemporary experiences were another example of the offense we experienced as a child. In the present or recent past, things happen to us that we take offense at and it has an impact on how we move forward with our lives.

Given the suffering we experience because of these past memories or recent experiences, why don't we following the lesson of saying, "it's just the way it is?" This wise advice is contained in the Serenity Prayer, "Grant me the serenity to understand that things are they way they are because it's just the way it is," and the Acceptance Prayer, "Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, etc. as being exactly the way it is at this moment."

People don't want to "accept" things as "just the way it is" because of their ego-mind. These things that happened should not have happened; they weren't right, or fair. And all that is probably true. Many people are treated terribly, both as children and as adults, whether by family, strangers, or society. The actions taken may not be intended to harm, but they harm nevertheless.

Because "acceptance" has connotations, rather than the word "accept" I have used the word "acknowledge." When people hear "accept," it sounds like they approve of what happened, that it was right. Whereas saying "acknowledge" is just acknowledging that this event happened; it was or is part of ones life.

So for example, I have acknowledged the fact that I experienced certain things as a child. These things have caused me great suffering through my adulthood because I reacted to them emotionally with self-loathing. Likewise, I experienced things like rejection (job applications) recently that caused anxiety. Once I started saying that "it's just the way it is/was" as well as "it's meant to be and all ok," and truly meant it, these things no longer offended me. I wasn't angry or frustrated or anxious.

I should explain, if you don't read my earlier posts, that "it's meant to be" does not mean that God or some higher power caused it to happen, it just means that either the physical laws of the universe or the laws of man's developed nature caused it to happen. The phrase "it's all ok," does not refer to the experience but rather to the faith that I will be ok—at peace—regardless what I experience in life because I am one with the Universe and so at peace.

This practice has made a profound difference in my life, in my experiencing peace. And because I have been at peace and not emotionally upset by things that had happened or were happening in my life, I have not only not experienced psychological suffering, but I have been able to make better judgments about how to live my life.

0 Comments

Suffering - How to View It

3/30/2026

0 Comments

As the Buddha said, suffering is universal. It is one of the common elements experienced by all of mankind over all ages. And the Buddha taught that we suffer, not because of the way things are, what we experience; he taught that we suffer because the way our minds work.

When he started the wheel of the dharma turning with his first teaching, the Four Noble Truths, he taught that the cause of our suffering is our cravings. And that the way to end our suffering is to free ourselves from our cravings.

The Four Noble Truths:

that life is suffering, suffering being our clinging to the the five things that form our perception of life: the appearance of form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness-ego.
that the cause, the origin, of suffering is our craving and emotions.
that the end of suffering is the freeing ourselves from our cravings and emotions, relinquishing them, not relying on them.
that the way leading to the end of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path.

In a word, we can’t end our suffering while continuing to act as we’ve been acting all our lives. Ultimately we are causing our suffering, not the world around us.

Most Buddhists, let alone the average person, find it very difficult to relinquish our cravings and emotions because they are so central to our self-image, to our ego-mind, to the way we have been conditioned to think about ourselves and the world around us by our life experiences. We say, the problem is not us, it is the world around us. And so we continue to suffer, regardless how disciplined our physical practice, regardless how much we pray.

Many years ago when I read a book about the Buddha's life ("The Life of the Buddha," Bhikkhu Nanamoli), one the most impactful stories was the one about suffering. One day, the Buddha was speaking to some disciples, and he asked them whether something caused them suffering. He said, if it does, “it is not you, it is not yours, it is not your self.”

In other words, the emotion or perception caused by something in the real world is not part of your true self. It is a function of your ego-mind which is the home of all of our reactions to our life experience—the five skandhas—the appearance of form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness-ego. These perspectives/emotions are not inherent in you. And the emotions that they call up have no inherent existence in the events themselves either.

Ah, but what's this about "your true self?" We are taught that one of the most important teachings of the Buddha is the teaching of "no self." But the Buddha never taught that. As explained in my post, "The Misleading Teaching of No Self," while the Buddha taught that many things are "not self", he never taught that we have "no self." Indeed, as in the quote above, he often refers to "the self." Our true self is our Buddha nature, our unborn Buddha mind (Zen Master Bankei), or, as I have in more recent years come to understand, the divinity within us or the child of the Universe within us.

But it takes much work and a disciplined practice to regain contact with our true self, because it has been overwhelmed, buried, by the aggressiveness of out ego-mind. Much of the teaching in this blog and in my books is about freeing ourselves from the control of our ego-mind so that we can know our true self again. So we can live in peace and happiness regardless what is happening around us or to us. You cannot free yourself from suffering without changing your concept of who you are.

So the next time you are suffering, stop and say to yourself, "This is not me, this is not mine, this is not my self." Look to your true self, to the child of the Universe within you, for guidance and free yourself.

For understanding my concept of the child of the Universe within you, read my book, Discover Your Power. It was written for teenagers when I was teaching in a middle school, but it is for people of all ages who feel insecure, don't feel good about themselves, or feel they have no control of their lives.

0 Comments

Fear - Is It Real?

3/21/2026

0 Comments

We all experience fear, some frequently, some less frequently. For many, fear rules their lives; they are caught in a web of anxiety. But is fear real, or better put, is what we fear inherently fearful?

Fear certainly seems real. And to our way of thinking, there is a rational reason for us to fear what we fear. Whether its the security of our marriage, our job, our finances or what people think of us or any of a myriad things that we are fearful of, we have a rational reason for our fear.

But is that the answer? First, let's look at what fear is. Everyone's fear is a product of their life experiences, what they have been conditioned to fear, whether it's things that have happened to themselves or things that they've learned from our culture/society,

And these fears often have a very rational basis, For example, someone is struggling financially and is worried what will happen to him if he loses his job. In our society, one's welfare is dependent on the amount of money one makes or has—whether it's your housing, your food, your transportation, etc.—it is truly dependent on your income. Further, if you have become used to living a certain lifestyle, maintaining that lifestyle requires a certain income, and so even if one is not hurting financially, you can still be fearful of losing your job because you don't want to downgrade your lifestyle.

But all this is based on our conditioning. One of the primary tenets of Buddhism is that all five skandhas—form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness—the elements that make up our experience, are all empty of inherent existence.

What does that mean? It means that nothing—and I repeat, nothing—is fearful in and of itself. For a banal example. we may fear extreme heat while others who grew up with it thrive in it. More seriously, we may fear losing our job and not having enough money to live our lifestyle, but there are millions of people in other cultures, as well as many in our culture, who are not just poor but destitute who live rich, happy lives despite their poverty. Another example: most of us in the West fear death, yet there are many in other cultures who have no fear of death.

In every instance it's a question of what you're used to, of what you want, of what your conditioning is. It's a question of your not believing that you'll be ok regardless what life brings you. It's a question of your not accepting your life as being what it is at this moment. It's a question of your not being one with your Buddha nature/the divine essence within you/the child of the Universe within you.

When you are one with the Universe/god/Buddha, you know that you will be at peace and happy regardless what life brings, you will accept your life as being exactly the way it is right now because it's meant to be, it's all ok. (See my post, "It's Just The Way It Is - Take III.") Whether you become poor, are sent to prison, or find yourself in a concentration camp, you will be at peace and happy because your are free of all your conditioning—the skandhas—and are one with the Universe. You know you have everything you need inside yourself to be at peace and happy. All the things that would depress and create anxiety for most people do not impact you because your relationship with the Universe, yourself, and the world around you is different.

If you look at my translation of the Heart Sutra and commentary on this website, you will learn that when you experience things directly without the intervention of thought, all suffering and doubt ceases. And that when you live in this "perfected wisdom" there are no fears or obsessions.

That should be the goal of everyone walking the Buddhist or other spiritual path. It is attainable, even without enlightenment.

0 Comments

The Centrality of Faith

3/12/2026

1 Comment

There are two related simple prayers that are critical to our efforts to end our suffering. The first is the Acceptance Prayer: "And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. I can find no peace until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is right at this moment." The other is the first part of the Serenity Prayer: "Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change— that things are the way they are at this moment because it's just the way it is.' Without that acceptance, one cannot experience piece because one will always be dissatisfied with the present and thus frustrated, craving what one doesn't have at the moment.

And the reason why so many people, even practicing Buddhists, do not experience that acceptance is because they do not have faith. Faith in what? Faith that they will be ok, regardless what life offers, because they are at home with their true Buddha nature and so at peace—regardless.

This is why the ancient Chinese poem says, "When faith and mind are not separate, and not separate are mind and faith, this is beyond all words, all thought." It is all about faith. It is the fountain from which all the benefits of walking the Buddhist or other spiritual path flows,

And yet because of the nature of the world around us, and our life experiences in that world with our concomitant conditioning, faith that we will be ok regardless is hard to come by, We find it hard if not impossible to believe that we will be ok regardless. Even the suggestion that we accept things as being the way they are at this moment, let lone that it is meant to be, is felt to be threatening to our success and thus our welfare.

And so we suffer. How do we dig ourselves out of this hole? Read my post, "What Is Faith and Why Is It Essential?" Faith comes first from understanding intellectually that the teachings of the Buddha make sense. That requires reading and studying. True faith comes from realizing the truths of that teaching from within; and that requires years of meditation and prayer.

One cannot mouth the words and have faith. One must believe in the truths of those words in your bones. And given the conditioning that comes from our life experiences and the nature of the world round us, that takes a lot of work. Our ego-mind constantly will challenge our belief: how can we believe that all will be ok regardless; that is patently ridiculous?

That is the perspective of the ego-mind, but that is not the truth. That is the challenge we face in walking the path. If you truly want to rid yourself of suffering, you will need the discipline to say "no" to your ego-mind and continue to focus on the truth of the Buddha's teaching.

The teachings are at their core very simple and straight-forward. Accepting those teachings and putting them into practice is anything but simple. It requires great discipline, awareness, and in the beginning, intellectual faith.

1 Comment

Awareness

3/3/2026

1 Comment

There are many ways that being aware is critical to walking the Buddhist or any spiritual path. Basically, if you are not aware of what is happening—within you, not around you—you have no chance to stop your habitual, conditioned reflex response based on your life experiences, your emotions, etc. Which is to say you have no chance to stop your suffering,

And nowhere is this awareness more critical than when you are starting to go to a very dark space where you lose all control of yourself. Let's say something occurs that pushes a major button for you. And rather than recognizing that your button is being pushed and stopping, you react emotionally to the button and start a downward spiral that becomes an inescapable vortex. I often say that once that horse is out of the gate, you cannot stop it until you fall exhausted, totally depleted and defeated. That is not something that you want to experience.

In order to stop this from occurring, you need to 1) have the awareness that your button has been pushed and you are in a moment of danger, and 2) you must have the intent to stop your ego-mind's conditioned, emotional reaction and turn to your spiritual practice and to the Buddha/God/the Universe for guidance.

The challenge in accomplishing this cannot be overstated. Why is it so hard? The main reason is that our conditioning is so deep that it's in our bones; when a really deep button is pushed, we react like we are fighting for our lives. There is literally only a moment—a second—for us to stop our descent; for us to say, "no," and instead focus on a relevant mantra or prayer, allowing it to lift you out of the negative space into a positive one.

For example, say someone does something that really irritates you in a way you've had to deal with your whole life. Your choice is either to blow up, or to say, "No, this is just the way it is; I'm ok and I'm not going to give John the power to disturb my peace."

But you have to have this awareness and make this choice before starting the descent into darkness. Because once you've started down that road, there is really no turning back until the episode and its impact is over, which often lasts until you wake up the next morning.

So how to make that split-second choice? That choice, that intent has to be part of your daily mantra/prayer. For example, I say every day, "Lord, please support me in my intent to experience all things with dispassion, free of emotion and fear." Practicing The Heart's Embrace (see my post of that name) is an essential practice to not being offended by things that happen; not being offended is key to not having your peace be disturbed. And it is only after saying this mantra/prayer every day over the course of months or perhaps years, that it will finally supplant the old synapse in your brain with a new one, and so you will be able to be aware and say, "no."

1 Comment

Faith Is Your Armor

2/20/2026

0 Comments

Every morning when I pray/meditate and I recite my mantras and prayers, if I have done anything the day before that goes against what I have committed myself to, my intent, it always comes to the fore and I am able to sit with that and see what I need to do to prevent such actions in the future. This has been an invaluable aspect of my daily practice.

But not just in this way. When I was doing my morning prayer/meditation the other day, I realized an additional benefit. When I say my mantras and prayers, I am affirming my faith and by doing so, I am donning spiritual armor to protect me against all the negative forces that I will face that day, whether they are coming from my ego-mind or the world around me.

There is no end to the negative forces in the world that we encounter, or the negative forces that emanate from our own ego-mind. If we are not vigilant and/or don't have strength of faith, we succumb to these negative forces and suffer. It is daily prayer/meditation that provides the daily recharging of that strength which comes from faith.

As an ancient Chinese poem says, "When faith and mind are not separate, and not separate are mind and faith, this is beyond all words and thought." It is all about faith, as well as humility and love. This is what, to use Bach's words, is our "mighty fortress," "ein fester Burg," which translates more accurately as "a secure fortress."

There are many who think that one can walk the Buddhist or other spiritual path and still be a full participant in the world around us. No. The teachings of the Buddha and the nature of the world around us are like oil and water; they do not mix.

Instead, what we can do, and what this website teaches, is be true to our faith while interacting with the world around us, with our culture, on our terms. That means not being impacted by all the negative and, yes at times, evil forces in the world around us by not reacting with our emotions and fears. We can work in the real world, have friends in the real world, but we always approach everything we do or hear from the perspective of our spiritual faith. Thus we do not succumb to the negative forces around us and instead maintain our peace and happiness.

The challenges are never ending, but with the armor of faith we can be at peace and happy instead of suffering.

0 Comments

Open Your Eyes

2/10/2026

0 Comments

We see ourselves and the world around us through our "eyes;" I don't mean literally our sense of sight, but rather the eyes of our mind. Everything we experience is filtered by the mind before it goes to the brain and is acted upon.

The question is: is it through the eyes of your ego-mind or the eyes of your true Buddha self, the child of the Universe within you?

Most of us view ourselves and the world through the eyes of our ego-mind, which is to say through the filter of all of our emotions, fears, anxieties, judgment, perspectives. This is why we suffer; we are not able to see ourselves or the world around us as they really are free of any of our attitudes, free of the conditioning that has come from our life experiences.

That is why I always say that the only way to experience peace and happiness is to free oneself from the control of your ego-mind. Only when you can see yourself and the world around you free of those emotions and judgments are you able to accept/understand that things are the way they are because it's just the way it is. and so be at peace. You are not a victim, it's not really about you, it's just the way things are at this moment.

When you see things through the eyes of your true Buddha self, the child of the Universe within you, you are filled with unconditional love for yourself and radiate that love, and so are a light unto yourself and all others. This changes the direction of your energy flow at its most basic; rather than being impacted by all the negative energy out there, you are sending out positive energy creating a forcefield around you.

This requires a very clear intent on your part. As part of my daily prayer/meditation, I ask the Lord to support me in my intent to experience all things with dispassion, free of fear and anxiety, And I invite him into my subconscious, to be my subconscious, and so I open up my eyes and see myself and the world around me through the eyes of my true Buddha self, my unwounded, pre-trauma heart, filled with positive energy and joy, the neutrality of my senses (the equanimity of my third eye), free of worries and concerns, full of faith and strength, light and love.

This intent is the necessary starting point for your spiritual journey. For without that intent, your life will not change, your suffering will not cease. I wrote a post once, "Do You Really Want To Be at Peace and Content?" because you have to realize what that entails, and you must have the intent to change your life and your mind accordingly.

0 Comments

Love Yourself - II

2/1/2026

1 Comment

As I stated in my earlier post on this topic, loving yourself unconditionally is critical to your maintaining peace and happiness. And the suggestions made in that post regarding how you go from not loving yourself unconditionally to loving yourself remain valid.

However, I recently became aware through an incident that occurred that there was a weak link in my chain of self-love. I was having a conversation with a friend and reacted to something important he presented in a very unfeeling way, which was very upsetting to him, Why?

When I sat with myself, I realized that I was still getting emotional juice when I created something, whether writing or music. I didn't just react that the work was good; I was hungry for acknowledgment of its worth. Why? Because I was still caught in the web of needing validation from others, feeling that I was smarter or wiser, in order to feel loved. And if I needed that to feel loved, I needed that to in turn love myself. This is not conducive to humility, which is why I reacted to my friend in such an unfeeling way.

As I went through my mantras during the next morning's prayer/meditation, I became aware that while I asked the Lord to grant me the courage to love myself unconditionally, that did not go deep enough. I did have a mantra that asked that I be given the courage to know that I am somebody without the validation of others, without being smarter or wiser. But knowing I am somebody is not being loved or loving myself. So I changed the mantra to having the courage to know that I am loved (whether by myself or others) and be filled with love without being validated, etc.

That may not sound like much of a difference, but its impact was significant. And when I listed the things that inviting my Buddha nature to be my subconscious filled me with, I added "love." I also asked the Lord to remove my feelings of fear and anxiety of not being smarter or wiser, of not being loved by others. The combination of these changes in my prayer/meditation resulted in my feeling during that day that a huge burden had been lifted from me; I felt lighter.

The other thing I realized is that I can radiate joy (one of my mantras) only if I love myself and am filled with love. This is essential to changing the direction off your energy flow, which is another essential element of experiencing peace and happiness. (See my post, "Change Your Life by Changing the Direction of It's Energy Flow.")

I have continued with my amended practice every day, and periodically throughout the days. For this change to become the new default way I relate to myself will require much repetition over a period of time. New synapses need to be built in the brain. As with other areas where I have changed how I relate to myself and others, I am aware that I am changing a paradigm of a lifetime.

If you want to live your life in peace and happiness, loving yourself unconditionally is critical. That together with the Serenity Prayer: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, which is the way things are right at this moment, and the serenity to just be. And the courage to change the things I can, which is how I relate to myself and others—the thoughts I think, the words I speak, the actions I take." The words in italics are my exposition of the prayer.

May you live your life in peace and happiness.

1 Comment

Home

1/16/2026

2 Comments

Whether it's your spiritual home or your physical home, feeling that you are at home is of critical importance to your peace and happiness. Being at home promotes feelings of safety, of love, of being where you are supposed to be, of being where your are supported.

Many years ago, I read the phrase, "In going and returning, I never leave home." When I reflected on those words, I understood that my spiritual practice is my home, and so no matter where I am, I feel at home. That applies not just to your spiritual self, but to your physical self.

What a wonderful thought. But how does one accomplish that?

Doing meditation/prayer on a daily basis wherever you are is a critical starting point (I've meditated every day for 30 years wherever I've been). But feeling at home—one with yourself—requires more than that. It requires freeing yourself from the distractions and stressors of the world you live in. The experiences still happen, but you come to react to them with dispassion, not with emotion.

At the core of this teaching is the fact that we are all born with the Buddha nature/the divine essence/the child of the Universe within us. (See my posts, "True Self" and "Buddhism and the Divine.")

Once you come to understand this and believe that this is true, then it requires the rather arduous and lengthy process of freeing yourself from the control of your ego-mind. It is unfortunately not the case that by believing in your true self, you automatically free yourself from your ego-mind.

Were it only that simple, There are stories in the sutras and elsewhere of people in the distant past who experienced instantaneous enlightenment, but I know of no modern account of that nature. Even the Buddha wandered for 6 years trying different teachings before sitting under the boddhi tree for 49 days and experiencing enlightenment.

Read my post, "How to Free Yourself from the Control of Your Ego-Mind" for a quick description of the steps/path to achieving that end. I should make clear that the goal is not to achieve enlightenment, "just" to free yourself mostly from the control of your ego-mind—a state very close to enlightenment. If you want to read a book rather than a lot of posts, see my book, How to Find Peace of Mind.

I use the word "just" because this task is a major challenge. And if one achieves it, "mostly" freeing yourself from the control of your ego-mind, you have come as far as most of us mortals get on the path. But knowing what enlightenment is can be very helpful in the process of freeing yourself from your ego-mind. For a Mahayana description of enlightenment—perfected wisdom—see my translation of and commentary on The Heart Sutra on this website.

This is a path on which you can expect there to be many bumps in the road; you will make some steps forward only to take some steps backward, The ego-mind is very powerful and deeply rooted within you; it is the only self you have ever known and forms your self-image. So connecting by default to your true self requires much work and discipline, But you will have moments even early on when you experience the comfort of your true self, and it is those experiences together with your faith in the Buddha's teaching that will give you the strength to persevere in your efforts.

I wish you well on your journey home.

2 Comments

Driving with Humility, with God

1/6/2026

0 Comments

Our lives and days are filled with moments when we are not exercising humility, when we are not with God, and we're not even aware of it. Even if you asked yourself if you were being humble at the time, you probably would not get the relevance of the question. I mean, what does humility have to do with driving?

Once such moment came to me the other morning while meditating/praying. The night before, I had a slight accident when at night I made a right turn onto a state highway—quickly to avoid an oncoming car—and cut it too tight and the tire hit something embedded in the ground and bent the torsion bar, making the car not drivable. This gave me pause to think about my driving habits in general. I enjoy driving fast, in a sporty fashion. I pay little attention to speed limits.

When I put this all together, I realized that I drove with my ego in control. At the time I did not think I was taking risks, but I was. It's like I was trying to prove that I'm a real man. Beyond that, I was never relaxed; there was always tension when driving. Clearly, I was not driving with humility; I was not with God.

Once several months before, I had realized this and altered my driving habits for maybe a day or two, and then reverted to my previous driving style. This time I saw this accident as a warning. I needed to change the way I related to driving. I needed to turn my will over to God/Buddha/the Universe when driving as with all other things.

And so, when I drove that day, I didn't on purpose drive more slowly, it just happened. And it felt good; I was relaxed and enjoyed driving in a very different way—not as a test of my skill but just being relaxed and at peace. It has been several days now and my driving continues to be divorced from my ego. I am awake and intend to remain in that state. But I will need to remind myself.

0 Comments

<<Previous

Archives